Been down to hers tonight and taken her out for dinner. She's been under the weather for a few days and had a few setbacks with depression too.
Some interesting conversations to be had tonight and she shared a lot of information, that when I take apart seems to give answers but also leaves a few questions too. On the plus side, I didn't help her out with the bills she is struggling with, I did pay for dinner but gave no money elsewhere. So that's a step up for me
So, she has been really interested in my fight for access to my girls, the more I think back the more I see that the issues between us started around the same time. I had a slight suspicion she was jealous given some of the comments she had made previously but then something she said tonight validated what I suspected.
"Some women out there are jealous of their partners children because they take the attention away but you know I'm not like that though I know people who are" That comment came out of the blue after asking about my access to my children. The first night she raged in December was the night of my D4's birthday when I went to see her and give her birthday presents. I think the reality for her was that once I got my children back, there would be no more room for her - perceived abandonment.
Some strange text messages came through while we were out too that didn't make much sense from what she was telling me. Apparently, she started talking to a guy on FB because he had the same name as her friends brother so that's who she thought it was. She said the texts have just been really plain but when she realised he wasn't who she thought he was, she stopped messaging him. Tonight he sent her a barrage of angry texts demanding that she "SPEAK" and she text him back to say she was out for dinner. He then followed up with wanting to know "where and who with" so I think I dropped right into the middle of a triangle on that one. She played the victim, he was the abuser and I was just having dinner.
Tonight I've heard all about her friends and how they constantly let her down. Her friend who she promised to go on vacation with seems to be having doubts BPDgf is even going to go. She had a lot to say about the things she wants to do but her friends won't join in and seem to have a life outside of her which she is not liking right now.
She said she thinks the world of me and hopes for something more but that right now she has to work on herself but we know how that story ends. She loved the fact I can still read her thoughts and it's like we were made for each other, that I know her better than she knows herself right now.
At the end of the night, she gave me a huge hug and said she could just fall asleep in my arms, I kissed her and then left. Finally, she wants to go out on a date again next week where we go shopping before going to dinner. That should be interesting.
Right now, I'm moving more towards the acceptance and feeling myself getting stronger each day. Tonight I just listened, tried to interpret what she was really saying and avoided being the rescuer. I've agreed for her to meet the girls as a friend and then after that, she has a choice to make, either be on board or not but I know what boundary is going to be placed around that and if I have to let go, then that's what I have to do.
