I feel like I can't win

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have to rant for a second. I am really tired of being damned if I do, damned if I don't in this r/s with my uBPDbf.  I just want to scream "WHAT THE ___ DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

For example: he says he wants to work out more- i invite him to the gym with me- so he gets says "i don't want to go with you because you just go to check out the muscle-y dudes"... .no a*hole that is not why i go to the gym and i invited you because that is what you wanted.

2nd example: he wants to go on a trip with me.  I invited him to go away at christmas with me and he immediately ranted that why would i do that over xmas, why would i be so inconsiderate of my family, etc. (because my family didn't invite me to do anything and because my daughter was with my xh, and because i had 10 days off in a row! thats why)  Last week I invited him to join me in Arizona in March. I am going for work, but leaving early so I can spend the weekend soaking up sun before I get started with work stuff. He yelled at me for an hour in a restaurant about why would he spend the money to go on a trip where he would only see me for 2 days. what the hell dude- if I DIDN'T invite you (which I truly didn't want to invite him)... .i'd get yelled at for not including you. So either way I get yelled at. Frankly, I didn't want him to go and was being nice. Secondly, he didn't have to yell at me... .I understand it would be a fast trip and once I start work he wouldn't see me for a bit. it didn't require him yelling. I sort of just wanted to hear "thank you so much for thinking of me, but I don't see it being economically feasible. Let's try to plan something else"... .like a normal human response would have been THRILLING!

I feel like I can't win! And introducing him to my family------ well... .he will rant out that for days. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

[cloudten]

I have to rant for a second. I am really tired of being damned if I do, damned if I don't in this r/s with my uBPDbf.  I just want to scream "WHAT THE ___ DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

For example: he says he wants to work out more- i invite him to the gym with me- so he gets says "i don't want to go with you because you just go to check out the muscle-y dudes"... .no a*hole that is not why i go to the gym and i invited you because that is what you wanted.

2nd example: he wants to go on a trip with me.  I invited him to go away at christmas with me and he immediately ranted that why would i do that over xmas, why would i be so inconsiderate of my family, etc. (because my family didn't invite me to do anything and because my daughter was with my xh, and because i had 10 days off in a row! thats why)  Last week I invited him to join me in Arizona in March. I am going for work, but leaving early so I can spend the weekend soaking up sun before I get started with work stuff. He yelled at me for an hour in a restaurant about why would he spend the money to go on a trip where he would only see me for 2 days. what the hell dude- if I DIDN'T invite you (which I truly didn't want to invite him)... .i'd get yelled at for not including you. So either way I get yelled at. Frankly, I didn't want him to go and was being nice. Secondly, he didn't have to yell at me... .I understand it would be a fast trip and once I start work he wouldn't see me for a bit. it didn't require him yelling. I sort of just wanted to hear "thank you so much for thinking of me, but I don't see it being economically feasible. Let's try to plan something else"... .like a normal human response would have been THRILLING!

I feel like I can't win! And introducing him to my family------ well... .he will rant out that for days. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

[grayarea]

I know exactly what you mean and it is beyond frustrating.  I think you should start doing what you want because no matter he's going to get upset.  This way even if he's upset, you're still in control of what you are or aren't doing. 

My partner (I just don't feel right saying bf... .well he's far from a partner... .ok I digress sigh) is the same way.  He says I don't talk to him but when I do talk, he views it as me complaining.  He used to call me lazy in terms of exercise so I started taking better care of myself - then the same thing happened.  Oh now I'm going on walks to go meet someone up the street - WHAT? 

The thing is... .he's not a normal human being so he can't respond normally.  Sad, but true.