He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 2years ago

[hopeful84]

I forgot to mention he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 2years ago.  I witnessed his second episode which scared the hell out of me but I stayed because I felt sorry for him and I thought I could help him by not judging and loving him anyway. He had two more the following year in which He was so sweet and loving to me like a child.  But it drained me bc he couldn't be left alone & was unpredictable. He doesn't take meds and is functional as he solely takes care of the finances. He's incredibly talented creatively yet is emotionally brash. He's also narcissistic.

It's like he's always right and I'm the problem bc "im not happy" like really? He refuses to take responsibility for the pain he inflicts on me daily by talking to me crazy or just ignoring me.  

As I type this I feel stupid for even being with someone who makes mefeel so bad. I feel like I failed and my love wasn't/isnt good enough and yet it's hard to walk away.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kikimo]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm in my 30s and my mother is bipolar, my dad is NPD, and my bf is BPD/drug addict(let's say I have issues of my own).  I can say from personal experience the best thing you can do is focus on yourself. There is no amount of love from anyone that will save someone. You haven't failed, it's just they need to want and try to save themselves.

If you decide to stay in this relationship...   Put yourself first, learn not to be an enabler, learn how to validate his feelings, guide him, etc... .But don't sink with him or let him cross boundaries. Educate yourself on these illnesses and use the tools here.

I'll admit it's all easier said than done, but the more you read you'll realize it's not your fault, it really isn't personal (even though it feels like it). They'd do this to anyone close. My parents treat me worse than anyone on this planet... .I had to just learn how to love myself more and coping skills to deal with them. My bf is actually trying to get better... .Or I'd have to walk away even though I love him dearly.

Throw him a lifesaver from the rails, but don't sink with him. It's up to him to want to change.

From my experience with bipolars, a lot do not take their meds or stop when they feel better 1) because they like to use their illness as an excuse 2) the like the high from the manic stages (the high stages).

Ps- don't feel stupid. We've all been/are there.

[Haye]

Hi Hopeful84 and 

I second Kikomo 100%.

First of all, Please don't feel stupid! Being in a relationship with someone who has a clear and rather bad mental disorder is very straining, challengin and difficult. Truly, we have all been there.

With this board, and on others, you will find very good workshops and lessons to learn from and educate yourself. Even though it's not that much about what us "non's" do, say (or don't do) we can act in ways that make our relationships worse - or better. No matter how much we love someone we cannot fix them. It's up to the person him/herself to do that. We can help, we can support, but we can't heal them. What we can do and should do is take care of ourselves.

Take care Hopeful84, of yourself!