Hi

[Warney]

Just saying hi and hoping this place can help me resolve some internal questions and feelings.

[Heldfast]

Welcome. Hopefully this place will give you what you need to share, vent, express, ask, whatever you need. Tell us what brought you here.

[Warney]

Where can i post my story to get the best advice as then you will know my story as told by me and my feelings.

[Heldfast]

Start here. We're ready when you are

[Mutt]

Hi Warney



I'd like to join Heldfast and welcome you.

I see on your profile you have an ex romantic partner.

Was your partner diagnosed with BPD?

Are you undecided?

[Warney]

Ok here goes.

Please excuse the typing and punctuation as typing on phone.

I first met M in 2010 and she was drawn to me in a way that was , well quite strong really.We started dating and i found out she was a working girl and i decided to carry on with this relationship as i was ok with this. She had a young son and i took him in as my own and raised him in a family environment and he really grew into a little man. We had a great first 2 years then the cracks appeared to me anyway. Things were going along ok since then but i felt a lack of love and respect in the last few months before we broke up.

She threatened me that she would leave me if this didn't change and was drinking a lot and was violent towards me and abusive to everyone. She was loving and caring then she would get angry if i went to meet friends for a drink. Anyway i walked out one night when she was ignoring me to punish me for not taking her to a place because she changed the timing of it to suit herself.

The next day i went back to the house to pick up computer and stuff and talked. She said she wanted to be single and i left . The next day she text me she wanted to work things out for the kids and her. I went back the next day to the kids school picnic with her and played happy families to all the friends. the next day we went to dinner even thou i was still at a friends house.

The next night i told her i was to go out with friends have a good night and i will see you tomorrow. Then that night she turned up at where we were and started the game of im scared of you and for my son. In front of my friends , crying and screaming . I just walked out and left her to calm down. I then asked a friend to take her home and she left.

The next day i was served a trespass notice on our house and she just stopped answering texts. Then a week later she just turned up at my friends place to talk to me. I agreed to try to work things out and then she told me she would let me know that evening. then no reply from her. then about a week later she text me (hey ) so ignored he and then she tried to call which i ignored and then again she tried to call. The next morning , i received a text from a mutual friend that she want to talk so i text her that i can meet he that day and she didn't respond.

Then later that month the police turned up to serve me with a protection order based on lies and manipulation. I have since given to my lawyers which have 3 months to appeal .

She is running scared that i am going to take half the assets and she has transferred property to her sister which was part of the relationship.She knows that i know she hasnt paid tax in 10 years and is claiming a benefit and i know all the details of this so can report her to government departments.

Yet she still attacks me every few weeks , last week she go our car towed and now i cant find it so had to get new one. nothing i can do as in both our names.

My lawyers have contacted her lawyer now to split assets but i still want to try to reconcile even if that sounds crazy . I miss the kids and hopefully can see her son again .

the youngest asks about the oldest all the time.

Is there anything i can do to help in the reconciling process , i feel i need her less each day now but still also feel i need to try.

Warney

[Warney]

Hi Warney



I'd like to join Heldfast and welcome you.

I see on your profile you have an ex romantic partner.

Was your partner diagnosed with BPD?

Are you undecided?

Yes im undecided and she has been given that label yes

[Mutt]

I'm sorry your going through this Warney. Dichotomous thinking or black and white thinking is very common with a pwBPD. She has difficulties seeing the grey areas in life. Your partner has similarities with my ex.

Trespass order, protective order and car towed. It sounds like Witch is triggered.

Is there a series of disputes or an incident that triggered Witch?

Borderline Personality Disorder can manifest itself in mutliple ways. In her book, Understanding The Borderline Mother, Dr. Christine Lawson describes four role types which BPD is exemplified by:

~the Waif,

~the Hermit,

~the Queen, and

~the Witch.

The Queen is controlling, the Witch is sadistic, the Hermit is fearful, and the Waif is helpless.  Each requires a different approach

BPD BEHAVIORS: Waif, Hermit, Queen, and Witch

[Warney]

Yes there was I had caevets put on all properties and I told her to hire a lawyer or get help.

She felt that I was after her money .

Also her knowing she could do jail time I guess really makes her feel a loss of control.

[Mutt]

I'm Canadian. My ex didn't report my income when she moved out. I was the sole provider; she didn't work and she managed to get a very cheap rental place because she was at a disadvantage. If she wants to cheat the government that's between her and the government. This may not be the case in different countries, states etc.

Have you consulted with your L? Can her not paying taxes for 10 years affect you legally?

If she's punishing you now. She may retaliate if threatened. I retaliated against mine and it's a lot of hurt and collateral damage when she's Witch. I've triggered Witch twice and I try not to trigger Witch now.

An excerpt from the article.

Don't allow yourself to be alone with the Witch; maintain distance for your own emotional and physical safety.

Are you living together now or separated?

[Warney]

Canadian A

I'm in New Zealand but went uni at Western in Ontario .

Yes I now live where she can't find me and the protection won't let me near her.

She is japanese/ American I don't fear for my safety at all and unfortunately the laws she's broken are not good. I have already threatened her and all my family and friends know everything

[Mutt]

We spell it "eh" 

Ontario's a nice Province. You're part of the commonwealth.

Do you want to work on making things better? I'm not sure that I would threaten anymore and I can understand anger.

I was falsely charged with domestic violence and lived in the same home and went to court 8 months later. I had a young family and she wanted me in jail. The most stressful 8 months of my life that I can recall.

[Warney]

I havent threatened her in over 8 weeks but serving lawyers documents i guess is. I do want to work on this and at least try to reconcile. I believe i have grown and understand my wrong doings in the relationship. I let her control alot of aspects in my life and gave her access to my emails facebook etc. Any ideas in how try seeing as i cant legally contact her or get anyone to do this for me.

[Skip]

Is there anything i can do to help in the reconciling process , i feel i need her less each day now but still also feel i need to try.

You can talk to her family, right?

Is there anyone there than can be a mediator to your reconciliation?

[Warney]

No i cant ask them to talk to her or anyone but lawyers or councillers. Jail time is 3 months if i break it

Found out tonight she is now seeing another person .

As i suspected. Time to shut the door

[Skip]

Sorry to hear this. I agree.  When another person enter the picture, that ends it.

[Mutt]

I'm sorry to hear that.

[Warney]

Its ok he is married with a child so more fool him. Still with his wife so not sure will end well. But gives me strength to go to the next step and let courts do their thing.

[Mutt]

It's tough when someone enters the picture.

[Warney]

Still want to work it out thou and not sure what to do now.Any advice

one minute i want to go at her next i want to work it out

NC still in place

This emotional roller coaster is hard work

Going out tonight meet some friends and have some no alcoholic drinks