BIL is engaged

[Our abuse recovery guide]

My BIL and his BPD girlfriend got engaged. Everyone in the family lives on the E Coast. She is estranged from everyone in her family except 2 sons and her mother. They live in the South. The bride to be is almost 50, has 3 kids, and this will be her third marriage, his first. A normal person would plan something simple. Her plan for the moment is for the whole family fly to a resort in Colorado. I think this is right out of the BPD playbook: plan something completely self-centered and inconsiderate and if someone suggests that they get married here and they go to Colorado for their honeymoon, she can be the victim. Of course traveling so far away would be a cover for the reason almost nobody from her life will show. I’m trying not to react. I only have to be nice and keep my mouth shut.

Do a lot of BPDs break up before the wedding?

I really don't want to help her plan.

[non_stuck]

My BIL and his BPD girlfriend got engaged. Everyone in the family lives on the E Coast. She is estranged from everyone in her family except 2 sons and her mother. They live in the South. The bride to be is almost 50, has 3 kids, and this will be her third marriage, his first. A normal person would plan something simple. Her plan for the moment is for the whole family fly to a resort in Colorado. I think this is right out of the BPD playbook: plan something completely self-centered and inconsiderate and if someone suggests that they get married here and they go to Colorado for their honeymoon, she can be the victim. Of course traveling so far away would be a cover for the reason almost nobody from her life will show. I’m trying not to react. I only have to be nice and keep my mouth shut.

Do a lot of BPDs break up before the wedding?

I really don't want to help her plan.

[Turkish]

I only have to be nice and keep my mouth shut.

Is this coming from you, or has someone implied or even told you to do that?

I don't see why you would even have to help her plan her wedding. This is your spouse's brother's new wife. Is someone pressuring you to get involved in the wedding planning?

[Tim300]

My BIL and his BPD girlfriend got engaged. Everyone in the family lives on the E Coast. She is estranged from everyone in her family except 2 sons and her mother. They live in the South. The bride to be is almost 50, has 3 kids, and this will be her third marriage, his first. A normal person would plan something simple. Her plan for the moment is for the whole family fly to a resort in Colorado. I think this is right out of the BPD playbook: plan something completely self-centered and inconsiderate and if someone suggests that they get married here and they go to Colorado for their honeymoon, she can be the victim. Of course traveling so far away would be a cover for the reason almost nobody from her life will show. I’m trying not to react. I only have to be nice and keep my mouth shut.

Do a lot of BPDs break up before the wedding?

I really don't want to help her plan.

The wedding planning dynamics you describe sound startlingly similar to the way my BPPex-fiancee had been acting regarding our wedding planning.  You nailed it.  And yes, a lot of pwBPD break up before the wedding.  I was fearful that as everyone was mid flight to the wedding she would start making outrageous demands.  The engagement imploded before flights were booked thankfully.  Make sure to buy some flight insurance so that you can modify your itinerary up until the last minute.  Have fun. 

[non_stuck]

My mother in law is big into entertaining.  She'll want to have a tea for her.  I used to work at a catering place so the family asks me a lot about catering.  Usually its fine and I don't mind. You're right, my had did go into what might happen.