Trying to Hold It Together

[marchingon]

Hello.  I believe my wife suffers from BPD.  Both the information on your website and my therapist have me led to this conclusion.  At any rate, late last year my wife decided that she wants to leave the marriage.  I have been fighting her to keep us together ever since.  Some days she's receptive to it, other days he claims that I'm evil and she cannot stand being around me.  She also says that it's unfair for her to hold onto me because she knows she has done me wrong.  At this point, I am afraid of leaving her because of our children.  I cannot trust her decision making abilities.  I'd love for us to have a healthy, loving relationship, as I still genuinely love her.  Not sure what I should do.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[survivalmode27]

sorry you are going through this. I have been with my BPDh for 13 years. We are on our second marriage counselor and both have diagnosed him with BPD traits. It is hard and especially when there are kids involved. My suggestion to you would be to get into marriage counseling. It helps. Life being married to a BPD person is nothing I would wish upon anybody. Just keep in mind it is a choice. And the other thing that helps me is when my BPDh is coming down on me hard, I think about how much harder it must be for him to live with it, then for me to live with it.

[NGU]

She also says that it's unfair for her to hold onto me because she knows she has done me wrong.

Think about her at a level mood. At that moment, does she still love you? If that's the case, then it sounds like she's pushing away solely because of her guilt/shame. Sound about right?

I'll second the idea of couple's therapy.