Trouble accepting the distentegration of our marriage and her statements.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello,

The title says it all.  We are eight months into the divorce and I really hate what my UBPD wife has done.  She filed for full custody and moved out.  Her anger has gone ballistic since I hired an attorney and received equal shared custody.  She has painted me black. Will only talks about the kids unless she is cutting me down while I still mourn the marriage and our dysfunctional relationship?   I don't understand why this is so hard for me to accept?  She recently shifted the blame and told me that she wanted to work things out.  That she "just" wanted to file for divorce, use mediation (keep the kids 70-80% of the time), move out and separate financially so we can later wok things out between us to get back together?  It's as if she is telling me I blew any chance at getting back to her because I did not go along with her plan?  Who does or says this?  It makes no sense.  Who tears down the house and rips up the foundation to remodel a bathroom?  I can't believe what she does and says.  Then she tells me I am codependent for being crushed as our divorce proceeds.  I wish I could go NC but can't because of the kids.   How do I get through this pain and bewilderment?

[Their Dad]

Hello,

The title says it all.  We are eight months into the divorce and I really hate what my UBPD wife has done.  She filed for full custody and moved out.  Her anger has gone ballistic since I hired an attorney and received equal shared custody.  She has painted me black. Will only talks about the kids unless she is cutting me down while I still mourn the marriage and our dysfunctional relationship?   I don't understand why this is so hard for me to accept?  She recently shifted the blame and told me that she wanted to work things out.  That she "just" wanted to file for divorce, use mediation (keep the kids 70-80% of the time), move out and separate financially so we can later wok things out between us to get back together?  It's as if she is telling me I blew any chance at getting back to her because I did not go along with her plan?  Who does or says this?  It makes no sense.  Who tears down the house and rips up the foundation to remodel a bathroom?  I can't believe what she does and says.  Then she tells me I am codependent for being crushed as our divorce proceeds.  I wish I could go NC but can't because of the kids.   How do I get through this pain and bewilderment?

[Turkish]

I'm so sorry TD... .she's projecting onto you and invalidating you by telling you how you should feel.

I remember a conversation with my Ex while she was living with me. I admitted that I may be CoD, and she replied, yeah, like your smoking!" Like that, her assessment of you is disordered.

I remember another time when she was busily doing laundry. I was sitting in my chair, staring off into space. Then S3 and D1 were milling about. She asked me, "what's wrong,.are you ok?" I threw up my hands and said, "are you kidding? No, I'm not ok. This whole thing!" And I gestured about. She didn't get it, she couldn't get it, and still, over a year later, still doesn't.

[Mutt]

I don't understand why this is so hard for me to accept?

Hi Their Dad,

I'm sorry your going through this.

I'd like to echo Turkish, she's projecting her inner turmoil.

Divorce is hard and you cope differently than your ex.

I was with mine for 8 years and the last couple of months was scorched earth. She was having an emotional  and physical affair. On moving day the second last thing she said to me "Mutt you never know, maybe someday we'll get married again!" she exaggerates emotions like a young child.

I have shared custody and understand the terrible pain during divorce.

An option is minimal contact. It helped a lot through grieving.

Hang in there.


----Mutt