Hey guys, Many of you have already read my story, and many posts by me. But I wanted to discuss a certain aspect of what happened to me, in order to understand why she did it to me, and if any one else has undergone this treatment.
TimelineBeginning of November: I break up with her. She begs me to stay friends, I relent, and agree. We quickly revert back to telling each other we leave one another, and doing exactly the same things we did as BF/GF. Mind you, we go to different colleges. We only saw each other I think... .once or twice before the winter break.
Middle of December: We get back from school, and we live close. She starts coming over again nightly.
What happenedEvery night she came over, she seemed a little bit colder to me. She started to tell me often how she still loved me "but felt more detached from me"
Her indifference became worse, and worse. She would be there with me, and we'd be watching movies, but she didn't want to kiss me very much anymore. She seemed cold, and distant most of the time. For the first time, she started constantly calling me "Immature." And Sure, I was. But she vastly exaggerated how I was really behaving. And actually, for a few days, I made a concerted effort to treat her with more respect, talk to her more like she was one of my male counterparts.
But I felt lost. Every time I wanted to be close to her, she shut down. Didn't get angry, but she just acted
cold and apathetic around me.
Guys, I felt dazed, confused.
Hopeless. She was forcing herself not to love me anymore. Sometimes, she would act like the old her, head over heels for me, excited to be with me, but it's like this pervasive apathy towards me kept getting worse, and worse. And what's more? She TOLD ME. But there was nothing I could do about it. I was just a bystander. She wouldn't even give me a chance.
And I guess now, the process is complete. Been about 40 days now, not a peep from her. I guess she's never coming back. She won.
Sure, did she tell me all the perceived/actual slights? Yes. But she just told me "all the little things add up.' I felt like my whole character as a man, was flawed.
As many of you know, the last time she did this, I was teasing her one minute, and she was elated, and the next second, she turned cold on me again. That was the night that I yelled at her, and said the following "All I do is kiss your ass, Go home, and don't come back"
That's the last time I saw her, was her physically running out of my house. :'(
I felt horrible as soon as I did it. If only she had stayed longer, and just
talked to me
It was like this: The More I loved her, the more affection and compassion I showed her= the colder she was. That's all I wanted from her, guys. Was to just
talk to me. I wanted her to feel something other than cold apathy so badly!
Questions: Is what I just described a typical BPD behavior? And if it is, what was the reasoning behind her growing indifference to me?
Does anyone think that I could have done anything differently?
And finally, does anyone have any similar stories of what I call "growing and pervasive apathy/indifference, acting colder and more distanced from you"
Thanks all
~Reece