Forgive but can't forget

[letmeout]

I think I figured out why memories of my BPDex pop up randomly, even after a few years of no contact with him.

Just when I think its in the past, if I meet or talk to someone who even remotely thinks or acts like my ex did, it will trigger a few days of ruminations about him.

I thought I had forgiven because it wasn't possible for him to control his mental illness, and the abuse just happens to go with that PD. When I felt he was acting like a terrorist, it was just him, being him. Let it go, right?

I notice that many people still come here years after their BPDex experience like I have been doing.

My question is, does being exposed to other people's similar behaviors to your ex trigger you to keep reliving the experience?

Then if so, how do we disconnect that so we can stop feeling it forever?

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

[christin5433]

Hi I recently had to recreate my own ending. The way the end happened was too disturbing and irrational. I'd wake everyday w a knawing ache of why was this done to me , I stood by everything she threw at me , I loved her kid as my own, I was loyal and tolerant, so and so on. Then the tragic end was unkind, hurtful, vindictive, insanely mean, and disturbing.

I kept praying for her and I awoke w a sense sev months later w a overwhelming feeling of gratitude and forgiveness. I did the best I could with what I knew and my own faults. Care taking being glaring. Protecting. Ect.

So my point is I gave MY apology and thanks wo no expectation. So I can remember myself in a light of kindness and resolve. I can't expect this to be reciprocated. So in the aftermath of this gesture I feel free of the black put on me .