I am not sure why it bothers me so much, but,

[deux soeurs]

I am not sure why it bothers me so much, but, my sister posts all the time on a website regarding kid behavior... . The stuff she posts about myself and my family are kind of true, EXCEPT... . she leaves out the punch line.  First off I only know about this website because she wanted to share some posts on it that she thought were "crazy".  She told me her screen name and must of forgot.  My brother and I check it out to see what ridiculous stuff she writes about our family.  Today it is about a fight she had with our dad.  She makes things up and also throws stuff in about my deceased mom, my brother and myself.  She leaves important information out and says we are all abusive and crazy.  In the meantime, she has alienated almost everyone in our family.  Her own son won't have a relationship with her and she has never met his children... . her grandkids... . his choice.  She calls her other 36 year old son horrible names and says terrible things.  Are they true?  IDK but she says HE abuses her.  According to her my parents abused her, her ex husband abused her, her kids abuse her, she was bullied, now I am abusive etc.  Is this really BPD?  I just can not wrap myself around all the lies... . and lack of boundaries... Thanks for letting me vent... .

[isshebpd]

I know how it feels to want to vent. Sorry about your troubled sister.

In the past, when I triggered my uBPDmom more, I tried so hard to speak calmly and softly. I've worked in broadcasting, so I know how to modulate my voice. Yet, she kept insisting I was yelling at her as I softened my voice more and more.

I read recently how BPDs see angry faces where others see them as neutral. I watched my uBPDmom and enDad communicating recently, as my enDad bowed his head like a chastened schoolboy. She was accusing him of ruining the day by being in a foul mood. Meanwhile, enDad was doing everything he could to stay calm.

They live in a somewhat altered form of reality.

[lucyhoneychurch]

Hi deux soeurs

I've been in the trap you're in before... . it's like a malignant fascination with just how far you'll be maligned and lied about isn't it?  

My suggestion is quit visiting this site. I speak out of experience - when I had a relative who was all over the internet writing things about a family member that weren't true, it became this morbid thing with me to wonder, "My God what's she written now?"

Tell you what, it even got where, when I entered this person's name into the Findagrave data base, so that people would have an online memorial, and you do so normally under a screen name - would you believe I was chided by this woman for not listing survivors? and told how much this person was loved and missed? really? my whole purpose of doing an online memorial was loving and missing this person. It's like a cat or dog marking its territory.   my only response was, Well the memorial's been here since 2007 I'm sorry you're just now finding it and the guidelines discourage listing survivors.

You're really wasting good energy letting her garbage into your life. If she's old enough to have a 36 year old son, then you're old enough, too, to realize that this is a negative preoccupation with you, like mine was as well. The urge to check will be there... . but leave it alone. Go online to get a positive thought for the day with Deepak Chopra , something like that.

There are websites totally set up to offer good stories, great stories... . like the woman jogging the other day who found a little baby in a car seat in a field. Much later and the baby could've succumbed from exposure.

You get my point - if this is really getting under your skin, pluck it out and leave it alone.

Just because something is on the internet posted by someone you know to be disordered isn't the best reason to stay engaged.

As the teenagers all say these days, "Just sayin'."    

[deux soeurs]

lucyhoneychurch, thanks for the kick!  She is 60 I am 54 years young... . It is a preoccupation yes, you do understand.  I have a full time job, three kids, one in high school and a recent college grad, one in college, a lot of friends and a wonderful boyfriend whom we plan on getting married soon!  I am not perfect but not BPD... . I pray every day when I go running... . my drug... . to leave the toxic people behind.  I already checked conduct dis today as she wrote nasty stuff about our dad but you are right... . I am done!  Sorry for your grief and am happy I am here to heal!

[lucyhoneychurch]

Over the years I have physically run, walked, jogged, *rowed*, weightlifted, yoga'd myself so so so praying to leave it behind and it does help doesn't it?     it's a form of legal numbness - if you plug in some Yo Yo Ma in the earbuds, it's bliss.   

It's also why I garden to distraction, love renovating old houses, clean like a mad dog, volunteer for any and every friend's big sweep if they need help -

Physical motion = mental rest somehow.   

Kudos.   

[deux soeurs]

I agree with you lucy!  You do seem to understand where I am at and I appreciate the advise.  It is hard when you realize a family member is so toxic that there is no chance of a relationship.  I have tried over the years but she is sick.  I am at the mourning stage, mourning something I should have but never was.  I am not alone and many others are going through the same thing.  Running with my ipod is wonderful.  If Bob Seger comes on... . that is my bliss!  Yo Yo Ma is amazing though!

[funfunctional]

Hi there,

Don't get dragged in.  Don't read the posts.

I unfollowed my BPD sister recently on facebook.    I just don't pay attention.

They say curiousity killed the cat and it's killing you.   

I went to an energy worker that basically explained to me how "cords" get attached to us with people and tear at us.    I see many BPD people do this.  They tear at us emotionally and mentally.  But we are allowing it to happen.  We are allowing the buttons to get pushed and the strings to stay attached.    The only way to survive is to build a wall around us.   Protection.  Boundaries.   Get into the driver's seat and block out the traffic.

Best to you.

[funfunctional]

Dear deux soeurs,

I read your next post and WOW... . it struck such a CORD with me.    

I am totally mourning right now the dream I had of my sister and I being close and our kids getting closer cause our family is so small.    

I so understand your pain.  I am feeling it now.   The last two weeks I have seen her do stuff and treat me so badly (turn on me) and I am beside myself.  I tried so hard.   Doesn't matter how much love and support I give.  She is so mentally ill and has created so many division and suspicions around her that her surrounding people can't even unite to help her.    She recently attacked me publicly on facebook when I was only saying something kind - I can see her posts dwindling as she is losing friends that care or see she has issues.

My husband mourned the loss of cutting off his BPD mom.    I am now mourning my BPD sister.    I think she is lost & now in addition to alcohol I think drugs are involved.  She took back the nightmare boyfriend this past weekend... . went to hotel... . ended up in ER with injury involving cuts.    Now the criminal is back at her house.    Funny thing - she is more crazy then him.  I don't even know how much is her.  The stories.   Police involvement.    So messed up beyond comprehension.

I am so sorry for your pain.    This isn't easy.  May your girlfriends be there to fill the space.    I dreamed a dream once too.      I understand.

[deux soeurs]

funfunctional I am sorry for your pain and am happy you blocked your sis on FB.  That was one boundary I kept when I was in contact with my sis.  She sent many of my friends friend requests last time she was angry.  She is 7 years older than I and did not know any of these folks.  She knew them through me... . Then she sent my boyfriend private messages on FB.  She bombarded me with emails and texts for many days so I went to police.  I also had printed some of the stuff she wrote on conduct disorders.  He said I can file internet harassment charges, that I had enough bad messages and contact even though I asked to leave me alone and was not responding.  I didn't press charges and prayed she would leave me be.  Well she posts how I always call the police on her for nothing.  The police won't go after someone for nothing.  Anyways I do need to stop reading her fiction and focus on the good in my life of which there is much.  I am going to leave her and conduct disorders alone. I am glad I found a place with folks who "get it".  I hope we all just realize these people are sick and we can't do anything about that.  Thanks for reading... .

[funfunctional]

It sounds like she really drags you into stuff.    I don't see any other way but to cut contact with all web stuff.   She needs a response to keep it going.   And she may keep it going for a while all by her little self.  

Funny cause I noticed my sister had my best friend growing up on her facebook.  It pissed me off.  She never was friends with her.  

They love to connect with people to smack talk.  That to me is a big trait.

We are both trying to survive.   Girlfriends,  girlfriends!  I moved a few years ago and am slowely regaining a G.F. support system - still keep in touch with old but everyday need those people to talk to where i live now.    

When we have family like this sometimes I think it is almost better to not have them at all and be an only child.  Then there are no expectations.  We don't "dream the dream" of a mentally health sibling.

Take care & sending lots of warm wishes to you.  I know it is hard & sorry for your pain too.  

One final note:  The police involvement just JACKS them up cause they LOVE the drama.    

[Finding Courage]

I used to be sucked into what my uBPD mom was posting on facebook because I was so curious.  However, I realized over time for me that it was too much mental energy and too triggering.  I need to live my life separate from her and she likes to be extra crazy on facebook.  It is super hard to disconnect but for me I realized this isn't some reality show, this is my mother and it is just too emotional to watch online.  Best wishes.

[deux soeurs]

Finding Courage thank you for sharing.  It sounds like this online drama is common for folks with BPD.  It is hard enough having sis post her stuff, I can not even imagine if it was my mom.  My heart goes out to you.  I am in therapy and turning to this board to stay away.  My brother does not get bothered.  It really amuses him , even the lies.  Having him in my life helps too.  So does this boards! 

[Skip]

I am at the mourning stage, mourning something I should have but never was. 

Do you have any relationship with her?