Watching Him Succeed on My Coat Tails While I Struggle

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Can ANYONE, ANYONE relate at all?

I think one or more of my recent posts may have been pulled or were just too wild and scary for people to respond to, because I never saw it again.

Anyway, I'm REALLY struggling…I LOVED the business I created for the both of us.  ALL the words that market it are MINE.  All the passion and structure behind it was MINE.  Of course this is an ego thing.  How can it not be?  It's also so much more!  He's not just surviving, he's THRIVING on the coat tails of what I created now it's all being taken to the next level with multiple replacements for me.  Businesses are often like babies and this one was definitely mine.  I feel like he stole my baby and I'm not sure how to get past it.  I had to let it go because he would have gone after my retirement money and pushed ME to give him alimony (on my super stinky salary) - since he's now "unemployed".

My only solace is some words from a friend that said it may not be any time soon, but operating a business and not reporting any of the income, nor having proper insurance, etc. - WILL catch up with him at some point in the future.  It just may take years.

Of course it adds to the sting that I'm the one struggling and he's raking in 2-3 times my monthly take-home pay, BUT I also once clarified to a friend that I could care less if he hit the lottery for millions.  I would even have much preferred if he abandoned the business name I created and ALL my own words and creative writing and hard work that exists to promote him…AND CREATED ON HIS OWN…but he didn't and won't.  He will forever use exactly what I created (very much a part of ME) to continue to catapult him to success and I continue to be a wreck over the reality that exists.

ANY, ANY words of wisdom to help me would be greatly appreciated. I'm trying so, so very hard to not let this all kill me.

[Hope0807]

Can ANYONE, ANYONE relate at all?

I think one or more of my recent posts may have been pulled or were just too wild and scary for people to respond to, because I never saw it again.

Anyway, I'm REALLY struggling…I LOVED the business I created for the both of us.  ALL the words that market it are MINE.  All the passion and structure behind it was MINE.  Of course this is an ego thing.  How can it not be?  It's also so much more!  He's not just surviving, he's THRIVING on the coat tails of what I created now it's all being taken to the next level with multiple replacements for me.  Businesses are often like babies and this one was definitely mine.  I feel like he stole my baby and I'm not sure how to get past it.  I had to let it go because he would have gone after my retirement money and pushed ME to give him alimony (on my super stinky salary) - since he's now "unemployed".

My only solace is some words from a friend that said it may not be any time soon, but operating a business and not reporting any of the income, nor having proper insurance, etc. - WILL catch up with him at some point in the future.  It just may take years.

Of course it adds to the sting that I'm the one struggling and he's raking in 2-3 times my monthly take-home pay, BUT I also once clarified to a friend that I could care less if he hit the lottery for millions.  I would even have much preferred if he abandoned the business name I created and ALL my own words and creative writing and hard work that exists to promote him…AND CREATED ON HIS OWN…but he didn't and won't.  He will forever use exactly what I created (very much a part of ME) to continue to catapult him to success and I continue to be a wreck over the reality that exists.

ANY, ANY words of wisdom to help me would be greatly appreciated. I'm trying so, so very hard to not let this all kill me.

[Rifka]

Some people have brass ones and it sounds like he takes the cake!



Can you come up with a copycat business for yourself? I'm sure that you can.


Try to not focus on things that you can not change, even though it hurts. Focus that energy on basically the same thing and become a competition to your first idea!


Rifka

[Michi]

hi rifka im trying to send you a message but your inbox is full.

[Mutt]

Hi Hope0807,

Can ANYONE, ANYONE relate at all?

Businesses are often like babies and this one was definitely mine.  I feel like he stole my baby and I'm not sure how to get past it.

I'm sorry your going through this  

If an idea is left at the idea stage it's non-existent.

I agree, if you bring an idea out into the world you have to nurture, grow it like a baby until it can take care of itself.

I would even have much preferred if he abandoned the business name I created

Can you negotiate with him to change the name?

[rg1976]

Hope0807,

When we put energy into something it is usually because there is an emotional attachment.  As far as building a business goes, I can understand.  My exBPD was building a business of her own.  I put effort into it to support her and help her, but it wasn't "all mine".  It was her passion, and I helped because I enjoyed spending time with her and wanted to help her.

I am glad she is succeeding in doing what she loves.  In a way, the business and the energy she puts into it is my replacement, rather than some other person, although, I'm sure that will follow eventually.

Okay, now, back to how can you get over this?  That's really not going to be easy.  I suppose, one way you could look at it is this:  If he is now having success based on your words and etc, then you know you could probably build another business.  What I mean is this:  It takes effort, but at least you know you have the skills to do what is necessary to create a business that will succeed.  Does that make sense?

Maybe start another business to put your effort into if you can, and see where it goes?  That would probably help you get on with life.

I hope this is helpful and encouraging to you.

Thanks,

rg

[pallavirajsinghani]

I am so proud of your outrage.  Simply because in your anger, the confidence in your ability shines bright.  Without your imagination, drive, creativity, this business will not last much longer.  Like children, businesses need constant nurturing... .and soon it will begin to suffer from your absence... .

Which means... .1) Now you know how to recognize bosses/partners/friends/relatives who are users and abusers.  This is also a valuable business lesson.  How to guard your own intellectual property in a manner that it benefits you and only you.  2)  You also know that you have the fire in your belly that will create another child.

Having said this... .the universe is begging you to start researching and thinking about ways to protect your heart, imagination... .and business from being looted.

Go for it Mama... .I am behind you.  I don't know who you are or what your business is... .but I would definitely buy whatever it is... .  :-)

[Hope0807]

Thanks all  - and precisely to pallavirajsinghani,

MY PRAYER…""Like children, businesses need constant nurturing... .and soon it will begin to suffer from your absence…"

I will most likely return to what you have written here for quite some time to come.  Thank you!  Every single word of what you replied to my thread is dead-on and exactly what I needed to hear.  I only wish I could hear it more often from those in my real world.  I need to BELIEVE it, is more accurate.  I continue to fool myself that he will just continue to fly under the radar. 

My support system is extraordinarily tiny…largely because I didn't/couldn't verbalize any off the oddities and chaos that were a part of daily life with him.  So the plethora that knew "us" from a distance continue to worship him and the services he provides based on social media posts (a TOTAL farce!) and an extraordinarily calm and kind public persona.  It's quite disgusting.  He is beyond a BPD…total psychopath.  I pray daily for the following:

1.  That the woman he's currently in a relationship survives (she's a good and giving soul) and continues to make herself and her children a priority…because my ex sucks people quickly into a tornado of pity and neediness

2.  That the government will catch up with him for any of the multitude of things I just WISH they were "onto" but would never report myself (because he's got "connections" and I KNOW he'd find out it was me…possibly will even blame me no matter what or who IS to blame)

3.  That the many pawns/women who keep his company (for a variety of "replacement" necessities) will catch on to the disgusting sub-human he is and band together to bring it all to a crashing halt

Thank you again and again for the insight to see the "fire in my belly" just through the words I have written.  It is definitely a giant fire and regardless of how his life pans out, I will make certain that the all the next chapters in MY life and so bold and bright that memories of him and the pain he has caused pale in comparison to the point that he is invisible to me, and my heart and mind are completely clear of him.

Thank you bpdfamily as always for the support!

I am so proud of your outrage.  Simply because in your anger, the confidence in your ability shines bright.  Without your imagination, drive, creativity, this business will not last much longer.  Like children, businesses need constant nurturing... .and soon it will begin to suffer from your absence... .

Which means... .1) Now you know how to recognize bosses/partners/friends/relatives who are users and abusers.  This is also a valuable business lesson.  How to guard your own intellectual property in a manner that it benefits you and only you.  2)  You also know that you have the fire in your belly that will create another child.

Having said this... .the universe is begging you to start researching and thinking about ways to protect your heart, imagination... .and business from being looted.

Go for it Mama... .I am behind you.  I don't know who you are or what your business is... .but I would definitely buy whatever it is... .  :-)