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typeA
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 1


« on: April 26, 2015, 09:35:28 PM »

Hello. I have just joined the group. My father has BPD. I have handled the abuse and have gotten through it but he continues to abuse my step-mom. I would like to know more about her thought process and why she continues to take him back. I don't understand that part as I had put boundaries on my relationship with my father years ago. He does not have control of me anymore and hasn't for some time. I want to understand her felling so I can be supportive to her.
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12183


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2015, 10:51:27 PM »

Hi typeA Welcome

You could look at the simplest explanation: your mother is married to your father. Though you and your mom have likely been on the receiving end of the same behavoirs, it's a different relationship. Lurk and read the staying board for a while and you may get some sense of it.

If you had asked me as a stayer, I may have only been able to give you a partial answer. Love. Children. Family. Spending so long with someone that I looked at leaving as failure. My ex could never get a clear answer out of her mother, who continues to stay with her husband. He's always been a cheater, and used to be a beater. I could continue to speculate, but I don't know your mom. I do know that my Ex was always frustrated her mom didn't leave, and after the last kept woman was found, even grew to resent her mother. Speaking of DV, is your mom physically safe?

If you've set boundaries on your r/s with your dad, then it sounds like you know enough about BPD to protect yourself, and that's good. If your mom is coachable, then you may want to digest the staying lessons (see here), and offer her advice by trying to imagine how it would be to be her. The tricky part is not invalidating her feelings yourself. The validation tools (in Lesson 3) work on anyone. It might be good to open a dialog first and you can get a better idea as to the "why."

Turkish

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