Back to square one

[Left broken and confused]

I made a very stupid mistake a few weeks ago that brought me back to the beginning.  My ex called we had a very nice 2 hour conversation and he seemed really interested in what was happening in my life which was nice. Several days later he texted me and one thing lead to another before I know it I was at his house. We had sex and it was wonderful very passionate and felt way deeper than just sex it really felt like love. I was leaving to come home and he asked me to stay. Held me all night and I had very mixed emotions but I stayed. The morning was uncomfortable to say the least and I left quickly with just giving him a hug. I thought I would hear from him for sure but nothing. The following day I looked on fb and saw he was away with my replacement. Once again I allowed him to manipulate me, give me false hope and rip the bandage I had on my heart. My own fault and I learned my lesson but still hurts alot.

[hope2727]

Hugs.   

We all want to believe. I admire you for having faith. Sorry it turned out the way it did.

[dagwoodbowser]

My ex called we had a very nice 2 hour conversation and he seemed really interested in what was happening in my life which was nice. Several days later he texted me and one thing lead to another before I know it I was at his house. We had sex and it was wonderful very passionate and felt way deeper than just sex it really felt like love.

Sorry to hear that. My x did that too me several times and caused me to get involved numerous times, same outcomes. This last time I got App to Blocked her number from texts and calls. It's Not easy to go full time N/C, but people like this say All the right Words... .very little to back it up. Happened to me too many times.

[hope2727]

I like to think of it as a game of snakes and ladders. Sometimes you hit a ladder and move forward (insight/epiphany). Sometimes you hit a snake and slide backwards. Sometimes you even slide back to square one. But as long as you keep rolling the dice and playing the game (of life and learning) you will eventually reach the end of the board. Eventually you will 'win'. Keep playing. I'll meet you on the last square and we will celebrate together.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

I made a very stupid mistake a few weeks ago that brought me back to the beginning.  My ex called we had a very nice 2 hour conversation and he seemed really interested in what was happening in my life which was nice. Several days later he texted me and one thing lead to another before I know it I was at his house. We had sex and it was wonderful very passionate and felt way deeper than just sex it really felt like love. I was leaving to come home and he asked me to stay. Held me all night and I had very mixed emotions but I stayed. The morning was uncomfortable to say the least and I left quickly with just giving him a hug. I thought I would hear from him for sure but nothing. The following day I looked on fb and saw he was away with my replacement. Once again I allowed him to manipulate me, give me false hope and rip the bandage I had on my heart. My own fault and I learned my lesson but still hurts alot.

I too know what it's like to play with fire. It surely does burn. I'm sorry you are going thru this, I can tell your heart is genuine. I fell back into the arms of my ex a few times, kinda. It was only text messaging but she had this incredible way of making me feel like she'd had an epiphany and realized just how imp I was. then, without fail, she'd disappear. Each time it hurt deeper and deeper. The last time she made it seem like she wanted to come home. I told my family, my friends. I thought we were going to get one more shot! She vanished... .again, and boy did I have an egg on my face. I knew better but I so badly wanted it to be true. You may have to start over but it's one more lessen you have.

[Reforming]

I made a very stupid mistake a few weeks ago that brought me back to the beginning.  My ex called we had a very nice 2 hour conversation and he seemed really interested in what was happening in my life which was nice. Several days later he texted me and one thing lead to another before I know it I was at his house. We had sex and it was wonderful very passionate and felt way deeper than just sex it really felt like love. I was leaving to come home and he asked me to stay. Held me all night and I had very mixed emotions but I stayed. The morning was uncomfortable to say the least and I left quickly with just giving him a hug. I thought I would hear from him for sure but nothing. The following day I looked on fb and saw he was away with my replacement. Once again I allowed him to manipulate me, give me false hope and rip the bandage I had on my heart. My own fault and I learned my lesson but still hurts alot.

Hi Left

I'm sorry you're hurting. Even if you're ending a healthy relationship detaching can be a painful process, but it's so much harder when the person that you love has a PD

I found letting go hard. Deep down I really struggled to accept that my ex was disordered. For a long time I clung to the possibility that somehow magically, everything could be fixed and made right and that she would come back and be the person that I wanted her to be.

It takes time and for some of us it can mean going back until we come to accept the truth that the person we love cannot love us back in the way that we need and deserve. I don't think there'a a right or wrong here, everyone's process is different, but I would say try to be kind and not judge yourself harshly.

I've read some of your posts and it's clear that you cared very deeply about this man and I know how hard it can be to love someone who is struggling to deal with childhood abuse. It takes a big heart to do that  

You tried your best to make your relationship work and you've also found the strength and courage to work on yourself. You deserve a lot of credit  You deserve to be loved by someone who really values you.  

Thanks for sharing and keep posting

Reforming

[LimboFL]

Left, I am sorry for your hurt. Reading your post actually gave me a quick doom wave thinking about my own ex and her replacement.

The way we should both look at this is, do we really want to be with someone who can sleep with their ex while in a relationship? What does that say about the culprit? If we put ourselves in the shoes of our replacement, what your ex did with you only proves a complete lack of loyalty or moral backbone. For as much as we love them, we should be grateful that we no longer have to worry about their every move, especially given their actions, they likely did this to us while we were in what we thought were committed relationships.

I understand and am deeply sorry for your pain but get angry, fight to understand that you should be grateful that you no longer have to fear or deal with this kind of behavior any longer. You deserve far better, as do we all. It isn't a sacrifice to remain faithful to your partner, it isn't a hardship. Anyone that needs to act that way or is unable to commit to us isn't worthy of our love.

The replacement is going to live like this for all of the days that your ex honors her with his presence. She is the one who is going to worry and fear, not to mention deal with all of the other traits, you no longer do. This will hopefully be the final burn that he is and never was worth it.

Stay strong.

[Left broken and confused]

Hi Limbo

You are 100% correct and I say the same things to myself every day and know its true. He has been with me 3 times within the last few months and its stands to reason that if he is doing it to her he did it to me. No way did I ever think he cheated on me and my friends and family say the same that he was way too obsessed to cheat but who knows. What hurt so badly about this time is it was different than the other times. He looked at me with so much genuine emotion when I walked in the door as if I was the most beautiful women on earth. Spending the night also made things alot worse because not only was it sex but intimacy again.

[patientandclear]

It seems that some pwBPD find it easier to access that pure emotion when there is no risk of being captured. They may be more truly themselves with mistresses or muses than with people they are trying to have LTRs with. Pretty harsh on the other person who is NOT coming in with that mentality of course.

It also seems common for pwBPD to maintain emotional connections with more than one partner or ex in order to have a sort of escape valve for emotional panic and anxiety. Fear of loss and fear of capture are both alleviated by having more than one potential partner on the hook.

[LimboFL]

Left, I had a brief recycle over a month ago (caught her in a deep lie and left her for good). She love bombed me but good. I was craving it (not the idealization but love and affection from the woman I loved so deeply). It was a wonderful night. I didn't make love to her because I was too cautious to take things there but... .

Truth is that I absolutely believe that both hers and your ex's emotions were real for that moment. That when they were giving us all of that love and affection, that this is exactly how they felt inside. But, as we all know, they can't sustain it, the don't know how to keep that fire lit so it blows out and they are left cold. We can't process that, because our emotions and feelings don't switch off like that. We can't know how that feels nor do we want to. I suspect that what they feel is the indifference that takes us months, sometimes years to feel about someone we loved so deeply. I believe that the emotions are the same as ours, but the speed at which they switch is beyond our capacity for understanding. In addition, unlike us who, when we finally detach completely, it's done (for the most part because we can always fall back in love with someone) they can go from complete indifference to back to deep love with the same speed with which they went indifferent. It's heart breaking and a part of my deep love for my ex was/is founded on my understanding of what they must deal with every single day.

Bottom line, though, is that the cost is simply too dear. The tax we pay in heartache etc. is just too much to bear, so we have no other choice but to leave and the only way for us to do so is to find anger and directed it (in our minds) towards them. As many have told me, always remember that your ex is likely suffering through all of it and while anger for their actions needs to surface in us, try to find it while remembering that it is very unlikely that yours or my ex were doing what they were doing out of malice. Both mine and your ex love us and what we saw those nights we were with them last we likely very real to them, that they truly felt that love and desire to be with us. It matters that we believe that.