How do PWBPD handle NC?

[sisterofbpd]

Hello,

So I am NC with my DBPDsis and to my knowledge both my parents are NC with her as well.  My Mom and I are her typical targets.  BPDsis has always done her best to hide her bad side from her friends and certain relatives. 

What I was wondering is, how do PWBPD handle NC, when their typical targets are out of the picture?  Do they start to rage on others? Develop new targets?  Or do they just drone on and on about the targets of their choice that may be NC to anyone who will listen?  Anyone have any thoughts or knowledge on this?  On one hand I know I shouldn't want her to rage on someone else, on the other I would like the validation (that probably wouldn't come anyway). Thoughts?

[JRT]

According to what I have read, they often have triangulated a replacement prior to to the discard. OR, they immediately find the first available with which to attach (anyone will do; my ex-wife found someone so incredibly outside of her dignity and class, even I couldn't believe it). They go through the same r/s phases as they did prior r/s's until they get to the point of raging again. Rinse, lather, repeat.

They will continue radio silence until the replacement does not provide them with intrinsic satisfaction and will then seek out those that they may or may not have painted black to fulfill their needs. My ex BPD fiance is now actively all over her ex husbands FB page commenting and such. He was painted black while I was with her, now he is painted white.

Meanwhile, while mine never raged against me, she raged against her son almost constantly. Dad threw him out and he now lives with Mom (my ex) where, I am certain, she continues to rage and fulfill her need. 

Hope this helps understand a bit... .

[Turkish]

Here is a twist on this theme:

My BPD Hermit-Waif mom adopted me out of foster care when I was 2.5. So I was literally a waif that she rescued.

When I left the home at 18, she periodically would find new waifs to rescue: usually "daughters" but sometimes "sons" and occasionally a whole family, all of them dysfunctional.

By moving out and away by an hour, then 2 hours (and to another state for a few years before I came back), I forced LC. She needed something to focus upon to fulfill her co-dependent traits. Being BPD, of course, it was inevitable that the friendships or "rescues" she cultivated rarely turned out positively. She painted people white, refusing to see their dysfunctional traits (even getting really mad at me once when I made a comment about one of her "daughters", and when they didn't get along, painted them black. The disorder goes with the person. That's why boundaries on our side, are key to having peace.

[sisterofbpd]

Hi JRT,

Thanks for your thoughts!

they often have triangulated a replacement prior to to the discard.

You mean a replacement target?

They go through the same r/s phases as they did prior r/s's until they get to the point of raging again. Rinse, lather, repeat.

What does r/s stand for?

Hi Turkish

My BPD Hermit-Waif mom adopted me out of foster care when I was 2.5. So I was literally a waif that she rescued.

When I left the home at 18, she periodically would find new waifs to rescue: usually "daughters" but sometimes "sons" and occasionally a whole family, all of them dysfunctional.

By moving out and away by an hour, then 2 hours (and to another state for a few years before I came back), I forced LC. She needed something to focus upon to fulfill her co-dependent traits. Being BPD, of course, it was inevitable that the friendships or "rescues" she cultivated rarely turned out positively. She painted people white, refusing to see their dysfunctional traits (even getting really mad at me once when I made a comment about one of her "daughters", and when they didn't get along, painted them black. The disorder goes with the person. That's why boundaries on our side, are key to having peace.

Wow, I'm glad you were able to set limits!

[JRT]

Hmmmm... . not sure what you mean by 'replacement target'.  Prior to a breakup, a pwBPD has already secured a individual with whom they can fulfill their needs or shortly thereafter. Often times it is an old romantic interest or just the first willing suitor that comes along (as in the case of my ex wife who chose someone completely incompatible). Most of the time it is a romantic interest but it can be a non-romantic figure; my ex-fiance has be triangulated with her son who had been her supply before I came around - although this is rare.

The key her, if I understand your question, is that that they more often than not have someone secured prior to the b/u or quickly thereafter.

R/S = Shorthand for relationship