Finally Blocked Mom on Facebook :)

[maemo]

So this morning, I finally made the decision to block my mother on FB. I also blocked my brother, his wife (whose pathology closely resembles my mother's), and many other relatives who play into the toxic dynamics, whether consciously or subconsciously.

It feels good.

I had been struggling with the decision for awhile, but this morning, I asked myself the question, "Why am I giving these people access to my life? Is it because I actually want them to have access, or is it because I am afraid of what will happen if I don't give them access?"

The answer was that I was afraid. I didn't want my mother to be privy to all my photos, my friends, my comings and goings, but I was afraid of how she would react if I actually removed her.

It's amazing how technology has created more opportunities for toxic people to invade boundaries, to belittle, and to manipulate. My brother would always post jabs in his comments to my photos. My sister-in-law would share my "good news" posts... .when things were going well in my life, on her page and make fun of them. And my mom would just have to comment on EVERYTHING in an attempt to create this image that we are the perfect mom-daughter duo. Not so.

It felt good to act from a place of empowerment, versus disempowerment, & I just thought I'd share.

[claudiaduffy]

I'm WOOHOOing loudly and giving you a mini-dance-party in celebration. Hooray you! Hooray healthy choices! YAY!

[Turkish]

Good for you for standing against their devaluations, mameo!

How do you think they will react no longer having an easy target for their toxicity? Do you have a short and sweet response ready to shut the door on possible verbal devaluations or accusations?

[maemo]

Good for you for standing against their devaluations, mameo!

How do you think they will react no longer having an easy target for their toxicity? Do you have a short and sweet response ready to shut the door on possible verbal devaluations or accusations?

Hi Turkish,

I don't think my brother will care at all about not being able to have access. My mother, though, definitely reacted. Over the weekend, she messaged my husband telling him to tell me that she loves me. This was utterly manipulative (and triangulation), plus just nonsensical. If she wants to tell me she loves me, she can tell me herself. She has my phone # and isn't blocked on my phone. It was definitely a ploy to get me to reach out to her to "make things ok". I didn't contact her - I'm done with dealing with third parties in my family. It's been used a lot - everyone delivering each other's messages. It's not my husband's job to tell me my mom loves me (!).

So anyway, then today, she contacted me via email and asked if I was ok and said she couldn't see me on FB. Well, this is also garbage because she KNOWS I am OK - my husband already told her. It's like a feeler - if I withdraw she's going to pester me and manipulate me any way she can to get contact to reassure herself. I hate it. I just responded, "Yep, just taking a break from Facebook. I'm fine." Then she sent me a follow up email trying to ask about my weekend, and I just ignored it and deleted it.

If anyone else who I've blocked asks me about it, I'm just going to tell them the same thing - that I am taking a break. It wouldn't surprise me that after a bit of avoiding my mom and distancing, my father (Mr. Neglect) calls on her behalf, "checking in" on me.

At this point in time, I have very little interest in talking with anyone in my immediate family. I went to a work event this weekend, and had some good achievements, and my initial thought was, "I should call my dad and tell him about it" but then I caught myself. I was really tired, not thinking from reason, and the reason I wanted to call him is because I wanted to impress him & try to get him interested in my life, or to value me. Well, I reasoned with myself. The fact is, he's never impressed, and he's never going to be, and he doesn't value me, as evidenced by his 0.002% engagement with me, & only on his terms. So I talked myself out of the phone call, which would have only disappointed me. It feels good to 'cut the leash' so to speak.

[MKG1015]

maemo You are my spirit animal!

I could have written this post! Even down to brother and brother's wife! My sister-in-law is my mother reincarnate, they even share the same birthday!

I struggle with the same thing:

The answer was that I was afraid. I didn't want my mother to be privy to all my photos, my friends, my comings and goings, but I was afraid of how she would react if I actually removed her.

She will know I have blocked her since she will no longer see anything of mine. Then what? When will the nastiness spill over into phone calls and emails?

And my mom would just have to comment on EVERYTHING in an attempt to create this image that we are the perfect mom-daughter duo. Not so.

My phone *explodes* when she gets on facebook. Liking, commenting, sharing, tagging... .it never ends. I'm at my breaking point. I think I'm going to start out by blocking activity on pages that aren't owned by me (i.e. being able to comment/see photos, statuses I'm tagged in). If there is no immediate explosion, I'm going to follow your trailblazing lead and block her entirely.

It's amazing how technology has created more opportunities for toxic people to invade boundaries, to belittle, and to manipulate.

Yes it's amazing, but I'm going to put a stop to it.

Thank you for sharing and, like Turkish, I'm dancing for you and me