My 18 year old now refuses any treatment or medication.

[webster9uconn]

 My 18 year old Daughter was diagnosed with BPD 18 months ago. She has been in and out of school. .  Several E.R  behavioral health visits. 2 week stint in a private residential psychiatric hospital. Intensive outpatient therapy for months for an eating disorder then several months in an eating disorder residential treatment center.  She is an extremely bright, highly motivated  student. She lasted at college for a month.  Suicidal/impulsive.  She came home and changed her compulsion to hooking up with random dirtbags on Craigslist. Lying to us with such ease. We locked her down - no phone,computer,car. 2-3 therapy appointments a week. DBT  till I thought my head would spin.  She then found a job in Hawaii and left for 3 1/2 months. Geographic cure.  Eyeroll... .She put herself in many dangerous ,stupid ,situations. Unbelievably poor judgment.

Fast forward- she is now home for a week.  Unmedicated , (she took herself off meds cold turkey in Jan) unwilling to see her therapist .  ANGRY at everyone especially me.  She blames everyone else for her problems. My Husband and I are seeing her therapist tomorrow to see if there is anything we should be doing differently.  She is furious about that. She tries and tries to strong arm me into cancelling this appointment.  I should also add that she has been refusing to get out of bed for the past 4 days. However today she seems almost manic.  Talking a mile a minute,hugging me,hugging her sister, laughing ,being loud and "in your face". Total 180 degree turnaround from the past week.  This could change instantly- seriously - her mood can change 4 times in an hour. How do I get an "adult" child to cooperate? She is 18 so I have no legal control.  She needs her meds and therapy. I wish she didn't, but it is a fact of life .  Any thoughts? I would appreciate any suggestions. M.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello webster9,

Welcome to the Parenting Board, we are glad to have you here!

I'm sorry to learn that your d19 is suffering with BPD and that all the efforts made have not had a lasting positive affect for her.  You mention that she has had extensive DBT, do you remind her to use her DBT skills?  If so, does it help?

I understand your frustration and concerns about her behaviors and mood changes.  Having an adult child that we cannot at least insist they get help can leave us feeling helpless and seem like there is no way out of the situation.  I think you are leading by example in seeking help from her therapist.  Maybe you can talk to the therapist about using a more firm communication skill called SET (Support, Empathy, Truth) and also discuss setting limits and boundaries. 

Can you take a look at these 2 links and see what you think about them:

COMMUNICATION:  SET Technique

Communicate Boundaries & Limits

If you have any questions or want to discuss these skills with us we are here to help.

lbj