Help me understand

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I need help trying to process something. The day of the break up when the ex did something she new would cross the line, and I stood my boundary, she went off the deep end. She threatened suicide to me, begged me to meet her at the apartment so we could talk, I told her no I was going up to my parent's house. She said she's losing me, and my two kids (which she said she loved as her own). I do regret not going to meet her and talk, but I was fearful that if the talk didn't go the way she wanted what would she do to me, or whatever else. only time in my life I was really fearful for my physical safety in a relationship.

Fast forward two weeks later she is already talking to the new replacement. The night before I moved out of the apartment I come home, she is already half drunk lying on the futon texting new man, acting as if I didn't exist.

She constantly told me I was the love of her life, that she wanted to grow old with me.

how can someone go from threatening suicide over the break up, to talking with someone else in two weeks.

I feel as if I'm already dead to her. As if I were to run into her I'd get the deer in the headlights look, or worse yet a look like yea whatever what do you want.

I loved this woman with everything I had. I felt lucky (except for the times of walking on eggshells, and the drunk arguments, and verbal abuse, etc) to live with her for seven months. We had ups and downs but it was still part of my life with her.

I wonder if she will live with someone again at all if not for awhile. She's childless and before me she lived by herself for awhile, maybe that is so it's easier to just deal with her own issues. I also wonder if maybe living with me will trigger her not to live with someone else for a while, I know it's my ego talking but I'd like to hope that I left somewhat of an imprint on her life, me and my children.

Last week I was stupid and used a public computer at the library and looked at her non friend facebook page. I saw pics of her with new man. Also saw she is still wearing the necklace I gave to her for our first Christmas, the one she said was too emotional to wear, is she still hooked on me somehow?

She also had my favorite picture of her and my daughter on cover photos on facebook, as well as one of my favorite photos of her and us from our only 5k together. My ex gf is not stupid when it comes to facebook. She doesn't just leave things on there.

I told myself I wouldn't do that again. It triggered me really bad, and I am still suffering from it. I scrubbed my facebook clean.

I know I could never have the relationship I need, or my children need to be exposed with her anymore. I survived enough trauma and recycles with her over the seven months. Our recycles thankfully did not include another man, no she just waited a week or so until we were broke up to be the floozy with someone new.

But I would've given my heart to her in a heartbeat to love the "normal" side of her for the rest of my life.

I just don't get the immediate ability to move on so quickly. Of course I didn't really no too much specifics of her past dating life. I don't know how long she was single before me, but then again they are good at manipulating the truth aren't they? 

She could've told me she had been single for months and was just getting out of a relationship prior. Just like I don't know how she painted me to other people. I spent time with her family, and they were good to my kids. They know what she did with the nasty message to my kids. I dont' think they know about her drinking abuse (like hiding vodka bottles under the bed), or downing about eight beers at our superbowl party while my kids are there.

I'm a great dad huh? 

I worry I won't live with another woman again for a long time, and that scares me because I like the cohabitating. But I guess I need to learn me first while she gets to go out and be so happy, and have this new guy seem so much better than me, yeah right. I'm confident that with certain ways I showed love to her, no one will replace that. The things I was willing to do, the little things not too many people think of.

Sure she will get the sex, and hook him with other stuff, but you know what I know me so that's all that matters.

[confusedinWI]

I need help trying to process something. The day of the break up when the ex did something she new would cross the line, and I stood my boundary, she went off the deep end. She threatened suicide to me, begged me to meet her at the apartment so we could talk, I told her no I was going up to my parent's house. She said she's losing me, and my two kids (which she said she loved as her own). I do regret not going to meet her and talk, but I was fearful that if the talk didn't go the way she wanted what would she do to me, or whatever else. only time in my life I was really fearful for my physical safety in a relationship.

Fast forward two weeks later she is already talking to the new replacement. The night before I moved out of the apartment I come home, she is already half drunk lying on the futon texting new man, acting as if I didn't exist.

She constantly told me I was the love of her life, that she wanted to grow old with me.

how can someone go from threatening suicide over the break up, to talking with someone else in two weeks.

I feel as if I'm already dead to her. As if I were to run into her I'd get the deer in the headlights look, or worse yet a look like yea whatever what do you want.

I loved this woman with everything I had. I felt lucky (except for the times of walking on eggshells, and the drunk arguments, and verbal abuse, etc) to live with her for seven months. We had ups and downs but it was still part of my life with her.

I wonder if she will live with someone again at all if not for awhile. She's childless and before me she lived by herself for awhile, maybe that is so it's easier to just deal with her own issues. I also wonder if maybe living with me will trigger her not to live with someone else for a while, I know it's my ego talking but I'd like to hope that I left somewhat of an imprint on her life, me and my children.

Last week I was stupid and used a public computer at the library and looked at her non friend facebook page. I saw pics of her with new man. Also saw she is still wearing the necklace I gave to her for our first Christmas, the one she said was too emotional to wear, is she still hooked on me somehow?

She also had my favorite picture of her and my daughter on cover photos on facebook, as well as one of my favorite photos of her and us from our only 5k together. My ex gf is not stupid when it comes to facebook. She doesn't just leave things on there.

I told myself I wouldn't do that again. It triggered me really bad, and I am still suffering from it. I scrubbed my facebook clean.

I know I could never have the relationship I need, or my children need to be exposed with her anymore. I survived enough trauma and recycles with her over the seven months. Our recycles thankfully did not include another man, no she just waited a week or so until we were broke up to be the floozy with someone new.

But I would've given my heart to her in a heartbeat to love the "normal" side of her for the rest of my life.

I just don't get the immediate ability to move on so quickly. Of course I didn't really no too much specifics of her past dating life. I don't know how long she was single before me, but then again they are good at manipulating the truth aren't they? 

She could've told me she had been single for months and was just getting out of a relationship prior. Just like I don't know how she painted me to other people. I spent time with her family, and they were good to my kids. They know what she did with the nasty message to my kids. I dont' think they know about her drinking abuse (like hiding vodka bottles under the bed), or downing about eight beers at our superbowl party while my kids are there.

I'm a great dad huh? 

I worry I won't live with another woman again for a long time, and that scares me because I like the cohabitating. But I guess I need to learn me first while she gets to go out and be so happy, and have this new guy seem so much better than me, yeah right. I'm confident that with certain ways I showed love to her, no one will replace that. The things I was willing to do, the little things not too many people think of.

Sure she will get the sex, and hook him with other stuff, but you know what I know me so that's all that matters.

[Jack2727]

You will never understand because you are trying to translate into their own language. They abide by their own rules. They don't adhere to rational conventions. A normal person would not be able to date anyone for a significant period of time.

They are empty persons who feed off other people to make them feel special. Don't take it personal. It's what they are. I know it doesn't make things any easier.

[confusedinWI]

I guess the question that I let get lost in that was how could she threaten suicide over the loss of her love of her life and his two kids, to talking to someone two weeks later?

[EaglesJuju]

I guess the question that I let get lost in that was how could she threaten suicide over the loss of her love of her life and his two kids, to talking to someone two weeks later?

A large portion of BPD is abandonment fears and separation anxiety. Many people with abandonment fears and separation anxiety will find another relationship after the one ends. The rationale for this is an inability of being alone.

[FannyB]

Your ex can't be on her own for any sustained period of time. She threatens suicide to leverage you into staying with her. That fails, so she finds an immediate replacement.  It's all about survival to her man - she just does whatever it takes to keep from drowning in the sea of her turbulent emotions.  Don't take it personally - it's not about you, never was. 

[Infared]

I guess the question that I let get lost in that was how could she threaten suicide over the loss of her love of her life and his two kids, to talking to someone two weeks later?

A large portion of BPD is abandonment fears and separation anxiety. Many people with abandonment fears and separation anxiety will find another relationship after the one ends. The rationale for this is an inability of being alone.

Many BPD's (like mine) have such a HUGE fear of abandonment they go out and find another relationship BEFORE they leave the one they are in, so to be assured that they never spend one second alone.  It is the behavior of a very damaged person.  It unfolds slowly to us.  We were manipulated by a very sick expert.  They cannot help who they are. Its quite tragic.