I went to a graduation party tonight. My exBIL's girlfriend's congratulatory dinner. He proposed to her there. It was better than my proposal, where my Ex started raging at me over getting her the large box of chow-mein when I was supposed to get her the smaller box. My gut then told me to show her the ring, then throw it in the lake. Instead, I thought, "screw her," and I dropped to one knee... .and here I am.
I guess my response to her email had a desired affect for her. When they arrived, she gave me a one armed hug in greeting, something she's never done. I returned it half-heartedly. OM shook my hand, probably called me "sir" as he does. I don't really remember.
It was good food
I picked out a place near the end of the table. S5 naturally sat with me, two uncles, with his grandparents trailing down the table until his mom and OM.
Due to S5's choice, perhaps, their mom grabbed D2. After a while,.she kind f wanted to sit with us, wandering over. She went back. I then noticed that she had fallen asleep. Grandma was holding her most of the time. OM was buried in his cell phone a lot. Maybe it's a generational thing. He's 18 years younger than me. At one point, he brought crayons over to our son, so he's trying to be a good step dad. I made sure S5 thanked him. I didn't think of that, preferring to keep my son entertained, but there was nothing wrong with that.
At one point, an uncle suggested that S5 go sit with his mom, but S5 preferred to remain with us. This was the one uncle in whom I confided some of his sister's outlandish behaviors when she was still living with us. I felt a sting, but blood is blood,.and the family works by supressing their feelings a lot (cheating dad). It is what it is.
It was a bit grating to see them pressing flesh with the OM, especially when he was congratulating them on their engagement. Again, it is what it is.
I got S5 upset when I was trying to be helpful cutting one of his crayons. He likes everything "just so." He started crying. I went to get him replacement crayons. His mom observed it from her side and came over. I was trying to validate him and apologize, but he threw the crayons across the table a short distance. This upset her, and she started focusing on the behavior, rather than the emotion first. I said, "Ex, you're invalidating him, telling him how to feel." She replied, "but I don't like when he throws things," then she turned to him and said, "throwing things isn't acceptable." I said, "no it isn't, but he's upset that I cut his crayon, but I got new ones. He's still upset, let him be upset rather than ['going straight to T rather than skipping S&E' I wanted to say] telling him how to feel. I resisted saying, "how did you feel when I used to invaldate you over getting mad over 'stupid little stuff?'" That is a conversation I might have with her another time.
I left early, after appropriately dismissing myself from the parents, and the graduate. Said goodbye to S5. He was fine. D2 was still asleep. My ex-in-laws were looking at me expectantly, as they wanted to leave on my heels. I said, "I don't mind being the bad guy, I'll leave first." My ex looked at me from the far end of the table and I waved goodbye. I didn't feel obligated to go over nor shake OM's hand, which I know he would have offered. All in all, I think I was appropriate... .with boundaries... .
The next event is ex-BIL's college graduation next month out of town. He invited me. I've known him through his and college,.and he said he looks up to me as a mentor,so I'm respecting him by going, and driving him back from University. After that, I foresee no events where I'll have to see my Ex and the OM until S5's bd next January. I'm not doing Thanksgiving and Christmas with them, even though I know my ex-in-laws will invite me.
It's gonna be a long 15 years
