I read the article
https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships a few days ago as I sat in a hotel room where I had fled to be away from my wife. It was a revelation, to see myself and my active role in enabling my wife in her BPD. But it was not pleasant to look into that mirror.
I've concluded that I am certainly not helping my wife in her struggle with BPD.
Now I know a lot more about myself and that I cannot be the right person for my current wife and that her best hope for a happier life will be achieved without my contributions. I also know that I have lots to work on to be more of a whole person and more independent. I cannot go around looking for women to "fix". I need to focus on fixing myself and learning to enjoy the person that lives within my skin.
Sometimes love means knowing when to let go.
