It does get better Update

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I used to frequent these forums a lot when I was thinking I was insane, you guys have helped a ton when I was detaching from someone who is probably a poster child for BPD. Anyway just wanted to tell you all thanks and I'm doing good, although gained someone of my weight back usually a sign I'm content lmao.


Anyway thought I'd share with you a little about what happened. When I was here I was still trying to convince myself I could watch out for her,  hang onto things, not putting myself out there to meet new people, basically self-pity and clinging. And honestly I think we all qualify for being emotionally abused so it takes everyone time. Even though I came here knew what was going on and had an idea I was still consciously or subconsciously trying to remain attached to a life that never did and no longer existed.

Recapping she dated a dead beat quickly after me, used her for sex wouldn't meet her family, etc. meanwhile she'd check up on me be nasty, but generally had no interest unless she needed help. Then she found out from a mutual friend I was talking to a girl she knew through the grape vine, and she sent our mutual friend a message that basically said "why would you lie he's not doing that i can get him back whenever I want all I need to do is call" Until he sent me those texts I was still debating moving forward or backward because I could see how easy it would have been to slip into that comfort zone and get back at it with her.

Well anyway I didn't go back, she kept trying to talk to me get me to come over, until she got mad and realized i wasn't biting, which lead to me having the pleasure of hearing again through mutual friends she'd met someone coincidentally  in a relationship 6 days after I got a text "wanna come over and talk and have dinner"... .Then within 2 months was engaged to be married in another 6 months [I was engaged in 8 months with wedding to be in over 1 year]... .I believe they started having problems sometime around when she was hearing I was also moving away from a rebound relationship and more towards friends, which I think while he was painted black for any number of reasons but raised her curiosity about having a recycle after the failed attempt to keep me from dating someone new.  Then one random day when her sister saw my rebound relationship had ended [which is fine me and that girl are still friends we both were just getting out of messes and in-fact going for coffee today], used it as a way to say how much she's changed and she was thinking about driving to see me and the wedding was off, and she missed me and everything changed... .Basically the attempt to recycle when she heard I was moving on the same stuff came up again.

I spoke with her occasionally but never got sucked in which now today 2 weeks after breaking up the wedding is putting up stories about a new man. Which now being totally removed and totally sure I'd never go back not even for a one night stand it really makes me think wow how many times could I have let that control my life and thank god I never went back.

I just wanted to come share with you guys that even if you are alone for 5+ months like me its far better than being it that crazy zone and if you don't share kids, keep these people at a distance. I still communicate with her but I think since she saw I won't be coming back even after I'm single she's moved on to another victim.

I know its hard but the quicker you realize there are healthy people out there and they are far more better to be around, the quicker you'll be back to normal. I don't care what kind of self-esteem issues you have [we all have them that let these people recycle and keep us around], but once you get around others who aren't like that and let them help you take the blinders off you really learn that they will never change, and its not your job to change them.

Good luck boys and girls just wanted to share my success story.

[DangIthurts]

I used to frequent these forums a lot when I was thinking I was insane, you guys have helped a ton when I was detaching from someone who is probably a poster child for BPD. Anyway just wanted to tell you all thanks and I'm doing good, although gained someone of my weight back usually a sign I'm content lmao.


Anyway thought I'd share with you a little about what happened. When I was here I was still trying to convince myself I could watch out for her,  hang onto things, not putting myself out there to meet new people, basically self-pity and clinging. And honestly I think we all qualify for being emotionally abused so it takes everyone time. Even though I came here knew what was going on and had an idea I was still consciously or subconsciously trying to remain attached to a life that never did and no longer existed.

Recapping she dated a dead beat quickly after me, used her for sex wouldn't meet her family, etc. meanwhile she'd check up on me be nasty, but generally had no interest unless she needed help. Then she found out from a mutual friend I was talking to a girl she knew through the grape vine, and she sent our mutual friend a message that basically said "why would you lie he's not doing that i can get him back whenever I want all I need to do is call" Until he sent me those texts I was still debating moving forward or backward because I could see how easy it would have been to slip into that comfort zone and get back at it with her.

Well anyway I didn't go back, she kept trying to talk to me get me to come over, until she got mad and realized i wasn't biting, which lead to me having the pleasure of hearing again through mutual friends she'd met someone coincidentally  in a relationship 6 days after I got a text "wanna come over and talk and have dinner"... .Then within 2 months was engaged to be married in another 6 months [I was engaged in 8 months with wedding to be in over 1 year]... .I believe they started having problems sometime around when she was hearing I was also moving away from a rebound relationship and more towards friends, which I think while he was painted black for any number of reasons but raised her curiosity about having a recycle after the failed attempt to keep me from dating someone new.  Then one random day when her sister saw my rebound relationship had ended [which is fine me and that girl are still friends we both were just getting out of messes and in-fact going for coffee today], used it as a way to say how much she's changed and she was thinking about driving to see me and the wedding was off, and she missed me and everything changed... .Basically the attempt to recycle when she heard I was moving on the same stuff came up again.

I spoke with her occasionally but never got sucked in which now today 2 weeks after breaking up the wedding is putting up stories about a new man. Which now being totally removed and totally sure I'd never go back not even for a one night stand it really makes me think wow how many times could I have let that control my life and thank god I never went back.

I just wanted to come share with you guys that even if you are alone for 5+ months like me its far better than being it that crazy zone and if you don't share kids, keep these people at a distance. I still communicate with her but I think since she saw I won't be coming back even after I'm single she's moved on to another victim.

I know its hard but the quicker you realize there are healthy people out there and they are far more better to be around, the quicker you'll be back to normal. I don't care what kind of self-esteem issues you have [we all have them that let these people recycle and keep us around], but once you get around others who aren't like that and let them help you take the blinders off you really learn that they will never change, and its not your job to change them.

Good luck boys and girls just wanted to share my success story.

[Arcturus81]

Thanks for the success story. I and others need to hear them. I frequent this site whenever I feel bad and seeing these stories gives me hope. I try to post positive things on other new topics as well. People need to see that we don't need to be defined by these damaged vicious creatures who lash out at those that care about them. Every single person on this site is here because they tried to love someone who is unlovable. We are the ones who tried our damndest and got nothing in return except heartache, betrayal, and pain. I root for everyone here to get better because they deserve it for trying to love and help someone who was so far gone that they themselves don't even believe that they deserve love.

[DangIthurts]

Thanks for the success story. I and others need to hear them. I frequent this site whenever I feel bad and seeing these stories gives me hope. I try to post positive things on other new topics as well. People need to see that we don't need to be defined by these damaged vicious creatures who lash out at those that care about them. Every single person on this site is here because they tried to love someone who is unlovable. We are the ones who tried our damndest and got nothing in return except heartache, betrayal, and pain. I root for everyone here to get better because they deserve it for trying to love and help someone who was so far gone that they themselves don't even believe that they deserve love.

Not just that but everyone here is now second guessing loving someone after whats happened. anyone whose spent more than 3 hours reading on this site knows the answer. Its not your fault. We all did things in relationships that probably deserve review in the future because everyone makes mistakes but the bottom line is these people don't love the same way we tried to with real feelings and attachments, they put up the appearance of love to survive or to try and gain some kind of upper hand for whatever is going on. Its actually frightening to me to see my ex's Facebook that after being engaged having her parents tear up her front yard for a wedding area that now she's moved on with heart faces for the next victim its being totally removed, being with others and finally getting your own life back that everyone here will see WOW all that time I spent fighting for something I thought I wanted I never want to go back to again.

I just hope people here put faith in themselves, that if they try to meet new people and really push themselves to stop worrying about something that wasn't real, regardless of what that person says when they're trying to hold you down, or recycle they'll realize there is a whole world of people who aren't like that just waiting.

This site is an amazing place to learn that it wasn't all on us, and what we don't want. After that though its up to us to use this information to remove ourselves from the grasp they placed on us which wasn't a hold out of love, it was a hold out of survival, and instinct.  If you had the capacity to care about these people for any length of time, you certainly have the capacity to get out, meet new people, and really see how that can shed light on their actions when they come back around.

I heard it all and read it all being here, oh your fine, it'll be better, but I didn't want it to be true so I sat but once you're out you feel 1000% better. I hope everyone here can reach that point sooner rather than later.