Our Relationship With Our Mom/Involvement With BPD - Related?

[ZeusRLX]

I have been thinking about the link between the relationship with my mom and my chemistry with BPD women and the nature of that relationship and was curious to compare it to others'.

My mother was real good to me and is as good to me as ever. I had the happiest childhood and happiest teenage years from anyone I know and to this day we are the closest people that we could ever be. She'd go the extra mile for me and then she'd go ten more.

And I've done the same for her.

But as far as the connection to BPD... .one thing I do know is my mother absolutely adored me and still does.

And I guess I'm looking for the same level of love in relationships and that just HAPPENS to be only matched by BPD women during the honeymoon phase.  If someone kind of likes me, that's not enough. They need to be completely head over heels over me (in addition to a few other things, naturally).

And as far as the care taking part, I think I tended to take care of other women the way my mother took care of me... .tending to every need, foreseeing things, basically being the most perfect care taker in every single way. So that's where I picked that up.

However, my mother also set boundaries. I didn't always get what I wanted and if I stepped out of line, she kicked my behind BIG TIME. But she was always fair and consistent. I think as a result of that, despite of my caretaking tendencies, I do have boundaries and certain things I just will not accept.

So I think that's very interesting. My mother does not have any BPD traits.

So what is your relationship with your mother/father and how do you think it influenced your choice of relationships as a non? Please share.

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[EaglesJuju]

My mother is diagnosed as schizophrenic, Bipolar I, and most likely a comorbid BPD/NPD. She was never a caretaking type and fits the witch/queen BPD typology.  From her and my father, I learned co-dependent/dependent behaviors. I learned to be a caretaker to my mother, but a dependent on my father.  

I have had a tendency to be attracted to certain types of males. I think there is some correlation of the personalities of my mother and father and my relationship with my pwBPD.  

And I guess I'm looking for the same level of love in relationships and that just HAPPENS to be only matched by BPD women during the honeymoon phase.  If someone kind of likes me, that's not enough. They need to be completely head over heels over me (in addition to a few other things, naturally).

There are other types personality disordered individuals who go through idealization/honeymoon phases.

I'm curious to know what are the other things that you look for?

[ZeusRLX]

My mother is diagnosed as schizophrenic, Bipolar I, and most likely a comorbid BPD/NPD. She was never a caretaking type and fits the witch/queen BPD typology.  From her and my father, I learned co-dependent/dependent behaviors. I learned to be a caretaker to my mother, but a dependent on my father.  

I have had a tendency to be attracted to certain types of males. I think there is some correlation of the personalities of my mother and father and my relationship with my pwBPD.  

Very interesting. I have heard that many people want to help BPD people because they had a parent who needed help and that's where they learned it.

But in my case it was the opposite so I guess it can work both ways since people and outcomes can be contradictory.

There are other types personality disordered individuals who go through idealization/honeymoon phases.

I'm curious to know what are the other things that you look for?

Well, first of all, of course I'm not consciously looking for someone to worship me or something. But let's say if the relationship is very rational and the other person is like "yeah, I kind of like you, I think we have potential", that doesn't do much for me. I am guessing that intensity feels RIGHT to me would be better way of saying it, I don't have it on my checklist, it's not something that I consciously seek out.

But as far as what I look for... .

First of all, there has to be chemistry and attraction. If there isn't that, then the whole thing loses its point for me. The catch 22 is that this mutual chemistry is usually with personality disordered people for me.

Secondly, it needs to be an intellectually curious person so we have things to talk about.

Caring, sweet, generous. Similar interests.

Emotionally stable, no signs of a personality disorder, doesn't flip out.

Financially independent, has her life together, a good job, never poses as a victim and doesn't expect to be rescued in any way. (This requirement is brand new, didn't used to look for that so we'll see how integrating this affects the retention)

Problem is even with this list (except for last item on the list, which is brand new so I haven't tested it yet) I manage to find personality disordered people that are REALLY good at hiding it until we're deep in the relationship.

But on the other hand I just leave once I discover it (unless I believe it can be managed, which has not happened yet).

But over the years I have progressed quite a bit... .I started with ones who were bulimic, cut, stole expensive jewelry from stores... .to ones who were much more high functioning (but still posed as victims in some ways).

So I've become pretty good at screening the really obvious ones but it's the stealthier ones that are often so hard to crack. Especially the sociopath types that are amazing liars.

In general I can be a decent judge of character but most of my instincts about people don't apply to beautiful sociopathic BPD women I have chemistry with... .

What about you? Do you feel you are happy with your SO? Any advice for me? 

All of my exes made me very, very happy but certain things I just won't tolerate... .like cheating, sociopathic/devious lying etc so that's what it was.

I'm revising my strategy going forward but it's mostly to minimize damage when it does occur at this point, it would be good to find someone I have chemistry with that doesn't have BPD (or has a milder version that I could tolerate) but I'm not holding my breath for it, it would be foolish to do so given my history.

Otherwise, just collect these storybook fantasies like I've been doing (which does create some great memories).

[vortex of confusion]

What an interesting question!

In the last several years, my husband has started reminding me more and more of my mother. I am pretty sure that my mother has some mental illnesses going on. BPD is probably one of them. My siblings and I describe her as throwed off and some of her grandkids make comments about her reality being broken.

As a kid, I was told that my mother was immature and that I had to act like the grown up at times.

When I met my husband, there wasn't any kind of big great chemistry. In all honesty, the thing that I like most about him was that he appeared to be stable. I was engaged to a guy before I met my husband 20 some years ago. That was intense. I was very attracted to that guy and there was drama with my FOO over him. It was a mess. So, what attracted me to my husband is the fact that there wasn't that intensity. He seemed really, really safe. I took premarital classes with him. I introduced him to family and friends to make sure that I wasn't missing any potential red flags. I spent time with his family. I thought I did everything possible to keep from getting a bad seed. It wasn't until after we got married that I realized that things were off.

In hindsight, I think people liked him so well because he was good at mirroring. He grew up near where my parents grew up and they would talk about that part of the country. Now, my parents have changed their tune about him. I also think my parents liked him so much in the beginning because they knew that he wouldn't challenge them on anything and they would still get to keep me under their thumb a bit. The guy that I had all of the fireworks with encouraged me to be my own person and they didn't like that at all.

[EaglesJuju]

What about you? Do you feel you are happy with your SO? Any advice for me? 

I am happy with my SO and we get along really well. Things have been exponentially better since he has been working on his issues in therapy. Our current situation is not the greatest for my own issues, but I make the best out of it. My own therapy has helped me improve the relationship and myself. We have always had amazing chemistry and a connection. I think our chemistry is what has made us work well together, through some very difficult times. Our journey has been of love,  mutual self-awareness, loyalty, and improvement of ourselves. Also, we both have abandonment fears, we have empathy for one another and can understand what each other is going through. 

I never have questioned his loyalty and I know he would never be unfaithful. Some of his behaviors are difficult to cope with sometimes. Then again, I have my own issues.

Have you tried dating a pwBPD in therapy or a pwDPD, since you have a proclivity towards PD women?

[ZeusRLX]

I am happy with my SO and we get along really well. Things have been exponentially better since he has been working on his issues in therapy. Our current situation is not the greatest for my own issues, but I make the best out of it. My own therapy has helped me improve the relationship and myself. We have always had amazing chemistry and a connection. I think our chemistry is what has made us work well together, through some very difficult times. Our journey has been of love,  mutual self-awareness, loyalty, and improvement of ourselves. Also, we both have abandonment fears, we have empathy for one another and can understand what each other is going through.  

Really happy for you and to know that such a thing is even possible. Yes, chemistry and connection are very important. And another thing is... .the BPD women I've been with (despite their problems) seem to be the ones that really TRULY understand me and that's very very important to me.

I never have questioned his loyalty and I know he would never be unfaithful. Some of his behaviors are difficult to cope with sometimes. Then again, I have my own issues.

Have you tried dating a pwBPD in therapy or a pwDPD, since you have a proclivity towards PD women?

Yeah, of course, I have issues too. I can be a major pain too at times and can be very moody myself so it's not like I'm this perfect person, no one is that perfect person.

You know, you're right. that would be the next step is to be with someone who at least ACKNOWLEDGES they have BPD. All of the ones I have been involved with would not even allow the thought of it, would not take medication, would not go to treatment, would not work on themselves.

The odds are very bad in such a scenario, you know what I mean?

But yes, if I met someone and we had a great connection and everything and she was not in any kind of weird ex/relationship and she told me "Look, I have BPD but I will do my best to manage it and I want you to stick through it with me."

That would be the next step I think. Because that's never ever happened with any woman I've ever dated. Doesn't mean it will necessarily work but at least there's more of a chance?

That would be amazing. Because none of mine would even acknowledge it, even the higher functioning ones.

I'll add this to my list in case it's a person on the BPD spectrum, which I am certain it will be.

Thanks for that great insight, I really appreciate it... .

[OffRoad]

My mother was real good to me and is as good to me as ever. I had the happiest childhood and happiest teenage years from anyone I know and to this day we are the closest people that we could ever be. She'd go the extra mile for me and then she'd go ten more.

Right there is an intensity that is not among the norm. You relationship with you mother is INTENSE, and that is what you are still looking for. Most people cannot handle a relationship of that intensity, because they have other things in their lives that need attention, too. Were you an only child, or did you share her attention with other siblings? What about your father?

[Notwendy]

Zeus, I mean this without being critical, but have you considered personal T?  I have read a lot of books on marriage and healthy relationships in order to understand my marriage and choice of relationship partners. Some of the points I picked up were enlightening.

We choose someone who matches our emotional maturity

We choose someone with similar traits to our parents.

Our parents can influence our choices but a big influence is their relationship - not just how a parent related to us.

We can play out our FOO issues in our marriage and who we choose matches this.

However, once we are adults, we leave home- these become our issues, our traits- we take them with us to our relationships. We can't help any of this by looking at our partners, or seeking someone out there to fulfill us, or looking to fix our parents. If we see a pattern in our relationships that troubles us, it tells us something we need to look at in ourselves.

My mother has BPD, my father is co-dependent. I had issues in my marriage. The first place I started was therapy for me. I knew that it was something about me that attracted my H and vice versa. I also knew that I could leave the marriage and if I didn't look into myself and my attractions, I would be attracted to someone with whom I had similar issues.


Zeus, you are in a great situation- you are single, and you have identified a pattern in your relationships where you are attracted to someone with BPD for the chemistry, but eventually the person you are with shows some issues that you don't want to deal with and you end the relationship. Then eventually start with someone with similar traits.

You are on this thread, asking, looking, for any possibility to find someone who can give you the thrill you seek without too much baggage. This sounds appealing, but it may be like seeking a unicorn- because the nature of BPD is that the thrill is great, but there is baggage that goes along with it. It's the whole package.

I also think it is great that you are on this thread asking and learning because this indicates that you are aware of your pattern and wish to know more. Yet looking for a partner with BPD may be a result of something about you that you could learn, and your wish for a relationship that is both passionate and emotionally healthy is a motivator to learn about your own emotional makeup.

There can be passion and chemistry with emotionally healthy people, it's just that you don't have it with them. However, if you were an emotional match for these people- then you would. Think about that. Your desire for women with BPD says something about you, but your wish not to have the issues associated with that could be your motivation to look into yourself.

[Mutt]

We choose someone who matches our emotional maturity

We choose someone with similar traits to our parents.

I've been working with a T and he actually suggested I consider having a career in the field. The last thing he left off with is "Mutt, validate yourself" and he doesn't really have anything else to suggest to work on.

I'm an emotionally mature man.

What if you accept that this a part of whom the person is. Did they choose to be mentally ill?

If the person is suffering from a PD and are trying to help themselves and are going to therapy what's wrong with that?

I certainly would accept that person.

[Notwendy]

This isn't my theory but it resonated with me as a factor in ourselves that determines who we are attracted to and who we choose for a partner.

It is understandable that someone doesn't choose to have a mental illness, and I would think that someone with the self awareness to be in treatment for their issues would have perhaps more emotional maturity than someone who does not.

I agree with the theory because, where marital issues get difficult is at the level of intimacy, which IMHO requires a very strong sense of self. People can be quite mature and competent at work and with more casual relationships, but still have difficulty with the most emotionally intimate relationships.

If you are emotionally mature and happy in your relationship then that works for you- and you would be a match, but many people here are looking at reasons why they are not happy and how to make that better.

Chemistry between people isn't something we are completely conscious of.

Zeus asked about how much his relationship with his mother influenced his feelings. Of interest would be his parents' relationship with each other and his relationship with his father. I was closer to my father than my mother and he became more of a role model for my co-dependence traits than my mother with BPD. Even though Zeus's mother had boundaries, I wonder if she was possibly co-dependent on Dad. This doesn't mean dad had BPD, but this can happen in families with alcoholism, a parent with a temper, or other issues.

[Mutt]

I understand that it's not your theory and I do think it over-generalizes. I see people with mental illness as people and not that the person is a step down from me because they're suffering from mental illness. I think we have choices and if the person makes you happy then why not pursue?

Getting back on point with family dynamics my father is narcissistic and I was scapegoated in the family and often the most mentally sound person in the family is, it projects the person's dysfunctional behaviors on someone else. It validates me that I'm a mentally sound person. Yes I suffered from low self esteem from my family issues and I can validate myself.

[ZeusRLX]

My mother was real good to me and is as good to me as ever. I had the happiest childhood and happiest teenage years from anyone I know and to this day we are the closest people that we could ever be. She'd go the extra mile for me and then she'd go ten more.

Right there is an intensity that is not among the norm. You relationship with you mother is INTENSE, and that is what you are still looking for. Most people cannot handle a relationship of that intensity, because they have other things in their lives that need attention, too. Were you an only child, or did you share her attention with other siblings? What about your father?

Had a brother but he died early so ended up being an only child.

My dad I have a decent relationship with. Nothing too close but he was nice to me. I'd say he was a better dad than average.

He wasn't a narcissist or BPD or anything like that, pretty down to earth.

[ZeusRLX]

Zeus, I mean this without being critical, but have you considered personal T?  I have read a lot of books on marriage and healthy relationships in order to understand my marriage and choice of relationship partners. Some of the points I picked up were enlightening.

Yeah, I do have a therapist, I talk to her every now and then. Problem is she lacks experience in BPD, I feel like I know more about it than she does. I need to find some kind of personality disorder specialist, is there such a thing? But yeah, my main therapist actually thought the last one I was involved with did NOT have BPD and so steered me wrong completely.

I have been seeing several at once and they also contradict each other quite often. One did tell me to get rid off my ex right away and he turned out to be right but all of them had conflicting advice at the time. Problem with therapists is they rely on different theories and project their personal biases on to you. Or that has been my experience anyway.

We choose someone who matches our emotional maturity

We choose someone with similar traits to our parents.

Our parents can influence our choices but a big influence is their relationship - not just how a parent related to us.

We can play out our FOO issues in our marriage and who we choose matches this.

However, once we are adults, we leave home- these become our issues, our traits- we take them with us to our relationships. We can't help any of this by looking at our partners, or seeking someone out there to fulfill us, or looking to fix our parents. If we see a pattern in our relationships that troubles us, it tells us something we need to look at in ourselves.

My mother has BPD, my father is co-dependent. I had issues in my marriage. The first place I started was therapy for me. I knew that it was something about me that attracted my H and vice versa. I also knew that I could leave the marriage and if I didn't look into myself and my attractions, I would be attracted to someone with whom I had similar issues.

Yeah, I understand, makes sense.

Zeus, you are in a great situation- you are single, and you have identified a pattern in your relationships where you are attracted to someone with BPD for the chemistry, but eventually the person you are with shows some issues that you don't want to deal with and you end the relationship. Then eventually start with someone with similar traits.

You are on this thread, asking, looking, for any possibility to find someone who can give you the thrill you seek without too much baggage. This sounds appealing, but it may be like seeking a unicorn- because the nature of BPD is that the thrill is great, but there is baggage that goes along with it. It's the whole package.

Of course. So you don't think there is someone out there that has MILD form of BPD? Is there even such a thing?

Also, I wouldn't say I'm looking actively but I'm wondering whether such a thing even exists, you know? Because if I conclude that it doesn't based on the research, my strategy going forward will be much different than if I conclude that it does.

It seems that if there is someone out there who's not going to cheat etc etc, it certainly seems to be in the minority, that much is clear I think.

But that's the beauty of this place, I want to draw on experience of others and see if I should even consider long term as a viable option for me. Because if it isn't... .and I already think I know it's not likely given that I won't tolerate many BPD behaviors... .so then it seems my strategy is just damage control when it does happen and make sure exiting it when things get bad is as smooth as it can be.

I also think it is great that you are on this thread asking and learning because this indicates that you are aware of your pattern and wish to know more. Yet looking for a partner with BPD may be a result of something about you that you could learn, and your wish for a relationship that is both passionate and emotionally healthy is a motivator to learn about your own emotional makeup.

There can be passion and chemistry with emotionally healthy people, it's just that you don't have it with them. However, if you were an emotional match for these people- then you would. Think about that. Your desire for women with BPD says something about you, but your wish not to have the issues associated with that could be your motivation to look into yourself.

Yep, a big reason for why I'm here.

But like I said in another thread, I have a very good life and I don't need someone to come in and make me happy (like I did in the past). If I manage not to screw things up, it will already be a success.

First, do no harm.

[ZeusRLX]

What if you accept that this a part of whom the person is. Did they choose to be mentally ill?

If the person is suffering from a PD and are trying to help themselves and are going to therapy what's wrong with that?

I certainly would accept that person.

Yeah. I mean if I met this woman, we fell in love, then she tells me "Listen, I have BPD but I'm getting treatment for it. Please be there for me."

What would I do? I would stay.

Because that has never happened before and given that this person is willing to admit their disorder and go into treatment... .I would totally support them I think.

Given that certain things are not violated... .like cheating is one for me personally.

But that has never happened before. So maybe this is the next step... .trying with someone who admits she has the disorder and is in treatment... .

There is some hope there anyway, no?

[ZeusRLX]

I understand that it's not your theory and I do think it over-generalizes. I see people with mental illness as people and not that the person is a step down from me because they're suffering from mental illness. I think we have choices and if the person makes you happy then why not pursue?

Yes, that line of thinking has gotten me into trouble in the past but had I not tried it, I wouldn't have learned the lessons I have learned.

If it happened again... .and if the person was willing to admit she had BPD and work on it... .I would try it.

I know a lot more about BPD than your average person but I do have boundaries so I think I'd make a good boyfriend for someone who really honestly is trying to get better.

[ZeusRLX]

And just to add to the original post, I only disengage if I believe there is not much hope for them getting better in the near term.

If they have no awareness of their disorder nor desire to get treatment. If they manipulate me and miselad me and others for financial gain.

If they needlessly put themselves, me and others in physically dangerous situations. If they cheat.

Then, yes, I rupture the relationship but it's not because I'm not willing to put up with inconveniences, it's just because I've evaluated the situation and I don't see much hope for us. And some things are unacceptable to me, whether you have a PD or not.

Had they been willing to admit they had a problem and go to therapy and take medication... .that would be entirely different. And even then I don't know if it would be able to be sustained but that's something I would at least try.

[Notwendy]

Zeus, maybe your wish to find someone you have chemistry could be more generalized to - how can I have "healthy" chemistry with a stable partner? The idealization phase of a relationship with someone with BPD is based on illusion- and what you see is not the whole person but the part the person lets you see. Then, when the relationship progresses and you see more of the person, it doesn't seem to fit you. I think in a way, many dating relationships start this way and then when things fizzle- the couple moves on. What makes these relationships last in the long run?

I think our current culture in the US encourages this stage and very quick physical involvement. Although many religions have something to say about pre-marital sex, this has been largely ignored since the onset of good birth control. However, when this happened, another reason to move slowly was discarded. Sex is part of the high of marriage. It is binding. Biologically, it creates all kinds of pleasure hormones that attach us to a partner. In the beginning, we don't know a lot about them, and the bond is based on powerful physical attraction. The danger in this is that we can be so "high" on this attraction that we ignore other aspects that make the relationship difficult over the long term.

In cultures that have arranged marriages, there is the idea of matching the couple along things they have in common for the long run, and with possibly some chemistry- and to save the sexual chemistry for marriage to bond them further. So the pre-marital phase is focused on how compatible they are without this distraction.

Since most people are not going to participate in arranged marriages, and the trend in our modern culture is not to wait until marriage,  How can one use these ideas to date and find a spouse that will be a good match over the long run? I think this is what you are asking. You know how to have the highs of an early relationship, but then reality sets in.

This can be a choice if this is what you wish to do. However, you aren't here asking to have a short term intense relationship with someone with BPD- you want to find someone with whom the chemistry lasts through a marriage. I think in most marriages, the initial high of the beginning doesn't last- but if they have a lot in common they can build a more long lasting love with chemistry.

This is what you are asking- are there women with BPD who can do this? Possibly. But this is a task for anyone who is married too. I think every marriage takes a lot of work and probably has up and down periods. I think though, if you are looking for something for the long run, then there has to be more than this initial high followed by the rest of the story revealing itself later- such as being unstable and the other things you discover. Although you love the "high" it may be what is actually keeping you from seeing the whole picture. If you are seeking someone for the long run, it could be helpful to delay the physical high until you know your potential dates better.  

[ZeusRLX]

In cultures that have arranged marriages, there is the idea of matching the couple along things they have in common for the long run, and with possibly some chemistry- and to save the sexual chemistry for marriage to bond them further. So the pre-marital phase is focused on how compatible they are without this distraction.

Since most people are not going to participate in arranged marriages, and the trend in our modern culture is not to wait until marriage,  How can one use these ideas to date and find a spouse that will be a good match over the long run? I think this is what you are asking. You know how to have the highs of an early relationship, but then reality sets in.

This can be a choice if this is what you wish to do. However, you aren't here asking to have a short term intense relationship with someone with BPD- you want to find someone with whom the chemistry lasts through a marriage. I think in most marriages, the initial high of the beginning doesn't last- but if they have a lot in common they can build a more long lasting love with chemistry.

Yes, I understand that completely, definitely something for me to consider.

This is what you are asking- are there women with BPD who can do this? Possibly. But this is a task for anyone who is married too. I think every marriage takes a lot of work and probably has up and down periods. I think though, if you are looking for something for the long run, then there has to be more than this initial high followed by the rest of the story revealing itself later- such as being unstable and the other things you discover. Although you love the "high" it may be what is actually keeping you from seeing the whole picture. If you are seeking someone for the long run, it could be helpful to delay the physical high until you know your potential dates better.  

Yes, I understand. I guess I need to decide what I want. Something that is very intense and has a high... .but has a high probability of crashing and burning.

Or something that's a little more rational but has better long term potential. It's a sliding scale and I'm definitely open to possibilities. Exchanging some chemistry for long term stability would be great but it just has never happened. I suppose it could but every time there is even a little chemistry I suspect a personality disorder and for good reason - given my history!

But yes, definitely something to consider... .I'm very grateful for your thoughtful feedback Notwendy, thank you.

Would it be okay if I private messaged you in the future in case I had a question?

[Haye]

My mother is diagnosed as schizophrenic, Bipolar I, and most likely a comorbid BPD/NPD. She was never a caretaking type and fits the witch/queen BPD typology.  From her and my father, I learned co-dependent/dependent behaviors. I learned to be a caretaker to my mother, but a dependent on my father.  

EaglesJuju, your mom sounds a bit like my mom. She's now diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which basically means that she's bipolar and goes into psychosis when she's going hyper or down. After reading about BPD i'd say there are big similarities in the way schizoaffective or BPD mom raises kids, especially the unstableness and unpredictability. For a BPD styles she sounds like waif, mostly. I know she loved me, but really didn't know how to show it so she seemed distant yet dramatic to me. Oh and she was a writer & journalist.

My father never had a real diagnose, except for "a difficult artist". Clear borderline traits and demanding personality. Very creative, very talented, very loving, very unpredictable in anger and for example no tolerance for kids not learning fast enough. Kept my moms worst up-cycles under control by fist and fury... .

Both of my parents were highly intelligent and quite aware of their problems. They both went through intensive psychoanalysis (popular in those days), but it didn't change much. Like my father said "So now i now why I'm an a***ole. Unfortunately I didn't stop me from being one".

I show/ have shown a lot of traits of kids growing up in dysfunctional families. I've been married twice, with guys rather different from my parents. What I have now in my life is a younger guy, hihgly intelligent, very artistic, badly traumatized... .Diagnosed with BPD (waif) and other issues (OCD & DID being the biggest).

... .Looking outside the box he's like a mixture of my mom and my dad... .(WOW!). I'd like to think i simply have more understanding and tolerance to his issues due background, but who knows? I'm back at taking care of my and my dad like I did as a child?

[Notwendy]

Zeus, I don't mind if you pm me with a question on occasion, but I would encourage you to post on this board because the collective wisdom here is greater than any one person and the information is there for others to learn from. I have learned much from other people's questions as well. In general, what I have found is that our own personal growth pays off in all our relationships, not just romantic ones, and is worth the work so keep on learning.

[ZeusRLX]

Zeus, I don't mind if you pm me with a question on occasion, but I would encourage you to post on this board because the collective wisdom here is greater than any one person and the information is there for others to learn from. I have learned much from other people's questions as well. In general, what I have found is that our own personal growth pays off in all our relationships, not just romantic ones, and is worth the work so keep on learning.

Thank you!