Restraining order?

[thefourth]

I am in the process of applying for a restraining order for my uBPD mother. After repeated requests for NC, and repeated violations, she has finally crossed the line with showing up outside my front door twice in the same day to drop off Christmas packages (gaslighting). I did not interact with her (she left them outside the door and left), but just knowing she was here triggered a lot of stress responses and brought me back to a very dark place. I have been speaking with my therapist at length about it. Any form of contact is extremely distressing to me, and they will not respect my requests for NC (I changed my phone number, but am unable to move, and haven't yet changed my email address). With the guidance of my therapist, I have decided to file for a Harassment Restraining Order (HRO). This feels like a really big deal, and I hate to do this. I keep trying to remind myself that I am not the one to blame in all of this-- it is her actions which cause me distress, and her violating my boundaries that make this the best option for me to choose. It is hard, though. I feel a lot of guilt. Worse, some of my closest friends are freaked out by how serious this decision seems. I am feeling pretty alone in all of this. I really do believe it is the best decision to make in my set of circumstances, but that doesn't make it an easy decision.

Has anyone else filed a restraining order against a BPD family member (OFP or HRO)? It would be great to feel less alone in the middle of all of this. I am handing in my affidavit this week.

[curlycue]

You're not alone. I filed a restraining order against my uBPD parent a few years ago. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but it turned out to be the most effective thing at showing him I was finally a threat and not to be played with anymore.

One of the very best assets I had during my process was a counselor at a domestic violence shelter near me. She helped me fill out all of the necessary paperwork and came with me while in court. She was invaluable, and her services we free. I strongly advise that you call a domestic violence shelter in your area and see if you can get their help as well. And listen to them when they tell you how to be SAFE.

If your situation is like like mine was, enlist all the support you can. Mine ramped up his intimidation as a result of being called out on his behavior, but putting together my affidavit and finally seeing everything he had done in one place (plus the backing of some people who loved me), I stood as firm as I could. I got very good at being aware of safety.

Good luck to you. I'm 4 1/2 years NC. It's tremendously hard work to face your trauma, but life on the other side is free, wonderful, scary, and totally worth it. Just as it should be.

Good luck to you, and please stay safe.

[Please help]

I almost had to. I told my father if he did not stop bothering me, I was going to commit suicide. He had gone off the deep end with drugs and was in and out of jail. I was about 19-20 and could not handle the stress he was putting on me.

I went NC and it is painful but a much better alternative. There can be no occasional contact. Cut off completely and remain strong.