That's a great update Mutt, I was just reading your post on the helpdesk about how you ended up here. What a story, you have the patients and heart of a saint. It's heartening that you gave your all for the kids.
That's a kind thing to say rotiroti. Thank you! I recall writing that first post on my Blackberry that evening and chain smoking, I was split black, distortion campaign, no reasonable access to the kids, she was in her honeymoon with her boyfriend, I had lost everything, that was a tough summer.
I felt anger and I was scared. I was told from a family member after the r/s was over that she has BPD. I was almost in tears after I got a response because someone else understands, we speak the same language and I don't have to explain myself like I was doing with family members and friends and they didn't get it. I am grateful for the help I got from this community.
That's great news Mutt! Being legally married still given how she left must be a huge emotional albatross. Actually, that metaphor sux (that's how we spell "sucks" in Cali'. The albatross is the sum of her choices, and those of the OM, around their necks. You're The Mighty Mutt for the kids (And for yourself!).
Thank you Turkish! The consultation that I got from an L was to let her file because she lacks impulse control and will likely want to marry him and she'll file. It's easier said than done, it did leave an emotional albatross and you're right, it is the sum of both of their choices.
I was with the kids and signing papers and he had arrived home from work and he looked at her and complained how he was tired from work and she didn't say anything. It could be because the kids and I were there. I quietly thought "you're not going to get a lot of sympathy from her"
It is sad how they broke a home and the silver lining is that it's over, I have my family with the kids and I can rebuild and I can choose wiser next time. I didn't know who she was and got intimate too quickly. It's not to say I may not face divorce again, I can choose to get to know someone first.
I felt exactly the same way when my ex wife was pregnant. It was a relief. A closure that there was no going back from.
It was good news to hear and it opened my eyes. It's her life and her choice how she wants to live her life. I think it was impulsive, she had tried to talk to me a couple of months before and she sounded like she was hurt with LC and said when are we going to become friends? I realized after that I was split white and I thought maybe she may try to recycle. I was triggered when she had said that because she had also said it's time to get over it.
I did sense that she wanted a friendship because she was likely triggered with intimacy and a possibility for her to come back. I could also be wrong and she had nothing to want to do with me for over two years.
I was a person that was with her for sometime and I see her life choices clearly and the news brought realism to the whole thing.
Very cool Mutt! A few steps closer to losing the tether, and a few steps closer to peace for you, your kids and your future dream girl. Take care of you!
Thank you fromheeltoheal! You're right that it's a few steps closer to losing that tether. Two years ago I had thought I screwed up and lost my dream girl. I see things differently and how she and her attached; its for survival for her. It's not want I want. It's taking care of me, simple and true words
