Contacting me - her impersonating her friend.

[Depression = 72% of members]

After one week of NC, I received an email from an

address listed as one of her friends. This is someone I've never communicated with before, but I know of her. The email states that my ex tried to kill herself and is currently in a mental hospital. It goes on to say how much she hates me for abandoning her, she hopes I "die a slow death" etc... and lists all of the reasons why this is all my fault.

I'm not responding. I feel it is very likely not true and that the note is her impersonating her friend. I have no idea how her friend would get my contact info and the tone and the things she brings up are too similar to what my ex would say. It may seem cold on my part, but if it's her impersonating, I don't want to engage it. And if she did try to kill herself, the hospital is what she needs. I dont see anything good can come of my responding either way. Looking for feedback and curious if others have received fake correspondences.

[confusedinny]

After one week of NC, I received an email from an

address listed as one of her friends. This is someone I've never communicated with before, but I know of her. The email states that my ex tried to kill herself and is currently in a mental hospital. It goes on to say how much she hates me for abandoning her, she hopes I "die a slow death" etc... and lists all of the reasons why this is all my fault.

I'm not responding. I feel it is very likely not true and that the note is her impersonating her friend. I have no idea how her friend would get my contact info and the tone and the things she brings up are too similar to what my ex would say. It may seem cold on my part, but if it's her impersonating, I don't want to engage it. And if she did try to kill herself, the hospital is what she needs. I dont see anything good can come of my responding either way. Looking for feedback and curious if others have received fake correspondences.

[Suzn]

I'm sorry you've received this email, these can be painful. 

I think it's good to go with your gut feeling. We seem to question those after a recent breakup.

If this were true do you feel this is your fault?

[confusedinny]

I absolutely do not feel it would be my fault. I have done so much for her and I stayed with her for soo long at a detriment to my own well being to see her to try to see her to a place where she could stand on her own 2 feet. I can't give her the will to live without me and I can't stay with her as her hostage for the sake of sustaining her life. I tried that already, and it did not stop the cheating, lying and violence directed at me. I cannot sacrifice my life for her life anymore.

[Suzn]

I stayed with her for soo long at a detriment to my own well being

it did not stop the cheating, lying and violence directed at me. I cannot sacrifice my life for her life anymore.

What steps are you taking to secure your safety? Do you have a safety plan in place just in case?

What do you plan to do with this person that is contacting you? Have you blocked access there?

[confusedinny]

I've blocked as much as I can on my phone and online. I'm moving in 2 weeks so she won't be able to find me from that point onwards. She moved a few hundred miles away as of 2 weeks ago which was great. But she's definitely capable of showing up. I keep my doors locked and am trying to be out of town mostly til the move.

I wont get pulled back into this cycle with her. I reached a max of what I can take and its time for protection and distance.

Thanks for the responses and input

[Suzn]

Glad to hear you have some distance.

These experiences can be traumatic to us confusedinny. How has this effected you? Are you considering speaking with a therapist or a domestic violence counselor with what you've been up against?

[confusedinny]

I was in therapy last summer when I was trying to decide whether to continue onwards another year with her. I have not been back, but I probably will return. I'm aware this has effected me in countless ways. I'm more guarded and cautious as I meet women. More aware. Some of that is good, some of it is bad.

I don't feel conflicted about detaching from her, but i'm aware that once I'm ready to go try to find a healthy relationship again, I may have picked up some unhealthy habits from being with her for so long.

[SummerStorm]

To go back to your original question, yes, my former friend BPD once impersonated her boyfriend because she thought it would help me "let go" (we had an affair, and she kept going back and forth between choosing me and staying with him).  Once I started communicating with him, out of necessity because she was in the hospital, she basically had to tell me the truth. 

She sent me two angry texts one day.  I replied and got nothing.  But then, about fifteen minutes later, other angry texts started coming in.  They were awful, but they didn't quite sound like her.  I reacted the way a normal person would react.  I was upset, angry, confused.  Eventually, I received a message that said, "You're an idiot.  This is her boyfriend."  The messages continued, telling me that she's pregnant, that the picture she sent me earlier in the day was of a meal that he had cooked for her because she had cravings, that he knew she had told me about him "hitting" her, that he couldn't believe she had cheated on him with me.  One of the last ones I got was, "I can't wait until she wakes up so I can ask her about all of this."  The last one I got was, "I'm probably going to f____ her as soon as she wakes up." 

I was extremely upset, for obvious reasons.  Two days later, I texted her and told her what happened, and she acted like she had no idea, and then made up a lie about how I had ruined her weekend and gotten her in trouble.  When I tried to tell her my side of the story at work, she refused to talk to me.  I should have known something was up, but I never thought she would lie to me like that.

When I went to visit her in the hospital, she said, "I'm sorry."  I asked why.  She said, "For making you think you were texting him that day."  I was completely floored.  Just a week before that, she had even texted me and told me not to text her anything suspicious because her boyfriend was in a bad mood.  She carried on this lie for weeks, in order to avoid taking responsibility for her actions.   

I truly believe that she started by just being herself, but when she saw how upset and angry I was, she decided to impersonate him instead, so I would be mad at him, not her. 

I don't know if your ex impersonated her friend, but it is very possible, especially if she wants you to direct your anger at someone other than her. 

[WhatJustHappened?]

Yep, when my exBPDgf faked a hospital stay, I got a strange email from a nurse friend telling me she was admitted. The email sounded like my ex and shared info that a nurse would never share. Turns out she was never admitted.

[Infared]

Confused... .Your gut may be correct.  BPD's  are consistently VERY deceptive... .at least I have found this to be so as well.

My situation may not be as extreme as yours... .but mine (we had 5-year committed live-in relationship).

This is just one example of many (besides the cheating and lying)... .she is now living with and married to, (I think) the man she cheated on me with.

We are TOTAL NC... .instigated by me... .(you know all the reasons why):

I am at the grocery store... .alone (as usual, LOL!)... .minding my own business.

I go to check out (unknown to me she has observed me, run out of the market with a cart full of groceries. She knows my car (which is new!), knows where it is!... .she goes past it down the parking isle and lays in wait. Yes... I am calling this an ambush.  (BTW... she is all dressed up in a summer dress, nice shoes, etc... .etc... .)

I come out of store with my cart... .dum... .dee... dee... .(oblivious)... .I get near my car and I see out of the corner of my eye... .(I swear I could feel the energy!)... .a person engaging in swift forward movement toward me.  I turn and see it is her and immediately go into fight or flight mode (you know all the reasons why!),  I put an even look on my face, turn my head and arc around the incoming torpedo and charge for my vehicle at triple time. Thank God my quick evasive maneuvers worked, the torpedo kept on a straight course, passed behind me... .I look to my left (to be sure that I am safe!, no kidding), torpedo has paused, hunched shoulders over cart and let out big sigh... .(PLAYING VICTIM... that's a laugh)... .she pauses for a few seconds hoping that I will take the bait of her "accidentally" running into me. Sees or senses I am having nothing to do with her she then scurries off to her car, which is like 5 isles over. No where near me.

It was good for me... .after I calmed down, as I got extremely emotional... .She showed me:

1. She is still sick.

2. She is still dishonest (that was no accident... .it was all planned with great gusto)

3. She is still manipulative.

4. She still takes no responsibility for her actions (oh... .yeah... .accidental run-in... .never any admission of lying, cheating... so if it's an accidental run-in any and all conversation is then on my emotional dime. No thanks.

5. She wonderfully disrespected me and her husband all in 10 minutes.  (That's my girl!).

Ya know... .it still amazes me ... .everytime.

I don't think they are capable of honest adult actions and conduct.  There is always a selfish plot afoot.

Hang in there... .It gets better! I think you are doing the right thing.  Taking care of you... .