I thought I was ok

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I haven't been on in a while because I have been feeling ok and trying to move forward. So much has happened since I last posted. First my ex accused me of trying to FB friend his new gf. If I did I didn't mean too since at the time I was not even on my phone or computer but that pushed me to tell him I will always love him and be here for him if he needs me but I don't want to talk to him anymore. I felt really good about this almost like I was finally free as odd as it sounds. I know I would never want him back. A few days later I ran into an old friend from high school that I had a crush on and thought maybe it was meant to be but nope it wasn't today I found out my ex moved in with his gf in a beautiful new place. I don't want him but it hurts. I feel like maybe there is something wrong with me because I can't find anyone. My brain tells me last time I had Sex with him was May so he has been cheating on her this whole time and I don't want that but why does it hurt?

[Left broken and confused]

I haven't been on in a while because I have been feeling ok and trying to move forward. So much has happened since I last posted. First my ex accused me of trying to FB friend his new gf. If I did I didn't mean too since at the time I was not even on my phone or computer but that pushed me to tell him I will always love him and be here for him if he needs me but I don't want to talk to him anymore. I felt really good about this almost like I was finally free as odd as it sounds. I know I would never want him back. A few days later I ran into an old friend from high school that I had a crush on and thought maybe it was meant to be but nope it wasn't today I found out my ex moved in with his gf in a beautiful new place. I don't want him but it hurts. I feel like maybe there is something wrong with me because I can't find anyone. My brain tells me last time I had Sex with him was May so he has been cheating on her this whole time and I don't want that but why does it hurt?

[willemina]

There is nothing wrong with you. It is astounding how many single ppl are out there. Keep your head held high, and remember one day at a time.

[Left broken and confused]

It's not as much about being single as it is about his life progressing and he is happy and I am not. I have so many wonderful friends which I am so thankful for and right now I know I am not ready for a relationship but would just like someone to date. I still have work to do on myself and need to focus on my kids before I get into a relationship. This left me not liking myself much and I need to fix that to find the right person who will love me. I guess it is why does he get to be happy and why is he having a normal relationship.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey LB&C-

that pushed me to tell him I will always love him and be here for him if he needs me but I don't want to talk to him anymore.

And realize that means an attachment is still in place for a borderline, so he will keep trying if he follows the BPD playbook.

I feel like maybe there is something wrong with me because I can't find anyone.

It's not as much about being single as it is about his life progressing and he is happy and I am not.

So you're comparing your reality to the facade he's painting and coming up short, which is still giving him a lot of power.  Is there a way to base your happiness on other things?  What would they be?

I have so many wonderful friends which I am so thankful for and right now I know I am not ready for a relationship but would just like someone to date.

Cool!  And the best way to meet someone new is through friends, because of the social proof that comes with preexisting relationships.  When you say date are you talking about an NSA sex partner or someone to go to a baseball game with?

I still have work to do on myself and need to focus on my kids before I get into a relationship. This left me not liking myself much and I need to fix that to find the right person who will love me. I guess it is why does he get to be happy and why is he having a normal relationship.

There's the comparison, along with a search for external validation, understandable, I couldn't even look women in the eye for  quite a while after I left her.  But the cool thing is once you do that work, and really it boils down to self esteem and the internal validation that comes with that, then you can go into a new relationship to give instead of get, and the right guy will give right back.  Take care of you!

[Left broken and confused]

Thank you heel to toe

I guess what I am looking for is a friend with benefits which sounds worse then I mean it. All my life I have went from one long term serious relationship to another. I have only been with maybe 6 men my whole life so I want to try and be normal and just date someone. I love sending time with a man and of course like everyone want to feel desirable. Attracting men isn't a problem but feeling a connection is. I still find myself connecting to the wrong type of man.

I am sure his happiness is fake and he wanted someone to support him and she is much older and I know she is doing that. It is just so mind blowing that the story ends with him walking away just fine after I financially and emotionally was there all the time. At this point I feel like I will never hear from him again and I think I'm ok with that. His son is showing signs of sever mental illness and honestly why would I want to have to sleep with one eye open every night afraid of him killing us in our sleep. It's so easy for my mind to say but then my heart isn't broken anymore but still hurts

[fromheeltoheal]

I guess what I am looking for is a friend with benefits which sounds worse then I mean it. All my life I have went from one long term serious relationship to another. I have only been with maybe 6 men my whole life so I want to try and be normal and just date someone. I love sending time with a man and of course like everyone want to feel desirable. Attracting men isn't a problem but feeling a connection is. I still find myself connecting to the wrong type of man.

My experience is FWB relationships don't last long term, because one or both of you develop 'feelings', one or both of you lose interest, or one of you starts something more serious with someone else, but for where you're at that could be perfect.  A way to make an individual relationship matter less is to date several men, which could be fun and would be different, lighter, plus you can weed out the 'wrong' ones.

I am sure his happiness is fake and he wanted someone to support him and she is much older and I know she is doing that. It is just so mind blowing that the story ends with him walking away just fine after I financially and emotionally was there all the time.

I know, so unfair when we go all-in with someone who isn't capable of reciprocating.  Best we can do is vow to never, ever let it happen again, which will make us better at seeing who we're really with early, so we can walk if we need to.

At this point I feel like I will never hear from him again and I think I'm ok with that. His son is showing signs of sever mental illness and honestly why would I want to have to sleep with one eye open every night afraid of him killing us in our sleep. It's so easy for my mind to say but then my heart isn't broken anymore but still hurts.

Yikes!  Scary.  You don't need that.  Handsome men with pure intentions who enjoy your company will make them both seem far, far away.  I'd start with your friends and your intentions; you might have a date by Saturday!

[Mr.Downtrodden]

There is nothing wrong with you. It is astounding how many single ppl are out there. Keep your head held high, and remember one day at a time.

It's astounding how many single DAMAGED people there are out there.