Hey cleverusername,
I think it's going to be inevitable that you will be reminiscing about your ex in a place where you have a lot of history with your ex. Personally, I wonder if because you're thinking about it more is a sign that you haven't really processed it all just yet. I often compare dealing with the aftermath of a BPD relationship, or any relationship for that matter, we undergo some grief/loss processing. In my experience, BPD relationships can sometimes require more grief work compared to others.
On the one hand, it might be a good thing for you to create new memories/experiences in Montreal so that you are not only associating it with your ex. On the other hand, you might not be completely "available" to form a new attachment there (or where ever). You'll find out. If you find yourself spending more time comparing your new interest with your ex, then chances are you're not "available." And if you aren't really available, you might just consider spending some time just with yourself to see what you need to work on/process.
In any case, have a good trip.
Best wishes,
Schwing
Thanks for the reply, Schwing!
I think I've processed it all, I just know there are some lingering feelings, especially attached to a place that was special like that. I definitely agree that BPD relationships can require more grief work compared to others, but I think I'm mostly done with it, aside from when I'm placed directly into an entire city that I associate with her and our relationship. Walking by the place where we had both our first and last dates last week didn't really stir up any feelings, but I suppose that could have been helped by the fact that I was with a new interest.
I think that this post was kind of more for me to express how I feel about all of these weird coincidences. I don't usually buy into the whole "everything happens for a reason" thing but it kind of feels like with all of the weird things that have been happening the odds of that being true is no less likely than it all being coincidence, haha. Not that I'm trying to place any sort of meaning on it, besides maybe that I was meant to go back to all of these places to sort of finalize getting over her. Like... .if I can go back to these places and not have the thought of her bum me out than I'm officially over her.
About that new interest... .looks like she's no longer interested. At the end of our date she told me she wanted to hang out again before I go away, but she's been very distant, responds to my texts with just a couple words, and gave me an excuse to not hang out on the only free night I have before my trip and didn't suggest another night or anything. Nothing like getting freshly rejected by someone new to take your mind off of your ex, haha. She did show some red flags though, like talking about pretty private things with me before we even met, and wanting to meet a total stranger she met online at her apartment and then walk to a bar together for the first date. Seems like she doesn't really have boundaries. I was actually a little nervous that I was being catfished and would get mugged or something, haha.
Anyway, I think I'm going to be fine on this trip. If any memories get brought back I'm just going to try to smile and think back on the memory fondly as a good time from my past that's just that... .in the past.
