Finding another to "break" the addiction to your BPD?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am married to an undiagnosed BPD wife. I am faithful and loyal. I have strong opinions on cheating from a religious perspective. In my dating years, if I was dating a girl that I really needed to break free from but was having a hard time saying goodbye I would become interested in somebody else to kind of "break the connection". I am so desperate these days and wonder if that would do it for me now. As drastic as that is, I wonder if any here have thought that or done that. Perhaps I should have posted on the leaving board too. Moderators feel free to move this if necessary.

[michel71]

I am married to an undiagnosed BPD wife. I am faithful and loyal. I have strong opinions on cheating from a religious perspective. In my dating years, if I was dating a girl that I really needed to break free from but was having a hard time saying goodbye I would become interested in somebody else to kind of "break the connection". I am so desperate these days and wonder if that would do it for me now. As drastic as that is, I wonder if any here have thought that or done that. Perhaps I should have posted on the leaving board too. Moderators feel free to move this if necessary.

[once removed]

hey michel71 

i can relate. i had a hard time getting over exes in high school, until i found someone new. in retrospect, i was looking to be rescued more than once. i think it would likely be counterproductive for you. by your own admission, it would not be living your values.

try, if you wish, digging a bit deeper. whats the origin and back story on new relationships as a coping mechanism? how has it played out before? does the idea of breaking free bump up against your sense of abandonment?

[letmeout]

I tried that, it didn't work. I just kept getting other BPD people. They say you gravitate to what you know, and I guess I did. I have stopped dating until I get over being attracted to personality disordered individuals.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey michel71, In my view, you have enough on your plate with your uBPDw without getting someone else involved. I wonder whether you are considering an outside r/s in order to postpone or avoid the real issue, which is the future of your marriage.  How do you see that playing out?

LuckyJim

[vortex of confusion]

In my experience, it doesn't work!

My husband and I experimented with an open relationship for a while. Having somebody else distracted me from some of the stuff going on in our marriage at the time. It was just a distraction. It did nothing to address the underlying issues and it made some things more complicated.

How long have you been married?

[repititionqueen]

I tried that, it didn't work. I just kept getting other BPD people. They say you gravitate to what you know, and I guess I did. I have stopped dating until I get over being attracted to personality disordered individuals.

I have too! I need to break the cycle.

[JohnnyShoes]

Is that fair to the person you would USE to break your 'connection'?

Of course not.

[Samuel S.]

I am married to my BPDw who has been verbally abusive and neglectful. There was this woman who is a friend of a friend who seemed to be very interested in me, and to be frank, I really was very tempted. We would see each other in a big group and not very often. While she is nice, she does have her own problems, and I have enough problems of my own, not alone to take on her problems as well. So, I decided not to pursue her. So, as some other posters have stated already, it really doesn't work. In fact, it only complicates your life and not simplifies it.

I would suggest focusing on what you need for yourself as to what makes you happy and to feel peace in your heart. Involving someone else or involving 2 or more people in more relationships will only make your life harder to manage.