POLL: Understanding + self exploration or blind catharsis

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Studies of support groups, particularly online, have show that the disinhibition we have (being anonymous and safe) can be powerful and accelerate understanding, self exploration, and growth or it can be a blind catharsis where like minded individuals enable and reinforce bad habits and thought patterns.

Why do we ask the question?  So that you are thinking about this every day you are here.    Ask yourself regularly, am I gravitating to the members who are growing in their understanding and self-exploration or do I gravitate to like minded individuals who are reinforcing my bad habits and no so healthy thoughts.

Which describes you?

Disinhibition is accelerate understanding and self exploration necessary to work through problems and find better ways of relating to others.

Conversely, disinhibition can be blind catharsis - an acting out of unsavory needs and wishes without any personal growth at all

Take the poll and then tell us:

1. what do you think the percentages are for each category (for the Leaving Board)?

2. why did you pick the category you picked for yourself?

3. where do you think you will be in 30 days?


John Suler PhD at Rider University warns that disinhibition in an anonymous on-line support group (on-line disinhibition effect) can be both positive and negative.[42]Honesty and self-disclosure are important therapeutic ingredients. The disinhibition effect can accelerate these beneficial effects as members share very personal aspects of themselves, their problem, and their lives and reveal underlying emotions, fears, and wishes, as well as show high levels of kindness and generosity. However, disinhibition can also lead to rude language, harsh criticisms, anger, hatred, and even threats. For some people, self-disclosure and intimacy might develop too rapidly resulting in regret, anxiety, and a hasty termination of membership.[42]Openness and self-awareness are also important therapeutic ingredients. Disinhibition can accelerate understanding and self exploration necessary to work through problems and find better ways of relating to others. Conversely, disinhibition can lead to blind catharsis - an acting out of unsavory needs and wishes without any personal growth at all.[42]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/bpdfamily.com#On-line_disinhibition_effect

[rotiroti]

bpdfamily was started in Austin, TX?


Right on!

[HappyNihilist]

1. what do you think the percentages are for each category (for the Leaving Board)?

Understanding and self exploration   - 10%

Mostly understanding and self exploration - 35%

Somewhere in the middle - 35%

Mostly catharsis - 15%

Blind catharsis - 5%

2. why did you pick the category you picked for yourself?

I picked Mostly understanding and self exploration, because I still have my cathartic moments. 

3. where do you think you will be in 30 days?

Probably at the same place. I think it takes a while to move into complete Understanding and self exploration. Sort of like becoming a buddha.

[rotiroti]

1. what do you think the percentages are for each category (for the Leaving Board)?

I voted as mostly understanding and self-exploration. How do I think the leaving board plays out? There's lots of freshwounds here so I would not be surprised to see it skewed towards the cathartic side of things.

Understanding and self exploration   - 5%

Mostly understanding and self exploration - 20%

Somewhere in the middle - 20%

Mostly catharsis - 50%

Blind catharsis - 5%

2. why did you pick the category you picked for yourself?

Mostly understanding and self exploration

Because I'm always learning something new about BPD, whether it's from these boards, books, support group, or T. Went to my first T session ever on Monday. It was an amazing experience, thanks all for the recommendation.

3. where do you think you will be in 30 days?

Hopefully further along the path in understanding and self-exploration.

Does self-exploration ever stop for anyone?

[once removed]

":)oes self-exploration ever stop for anyone?"

i strongly believe that self improvement is a life long project.

when most of us arrive here, or soon after, we are looking to answer questions like "how/why did i get into this?". its a good question, usually followed by many more.

speaking for myself only, my role in the relationship has been pretty well trodden. same with most of my bad patterns and habits. improvement is still a goal. now self exploration and self improvement look more like examining my friendships/relationships, how theyre doing, how im doing in them. how can i improve them if need be? am i being the kind of friend id want? learning and practicing good communication skills. looking at my life, environment, surroundings, etc, and asking myself if it invites a healthy partner.

and maintaining, in general, the willingness to look in the mirror.

"Ask yourself regularly, am I gravitating to the members who are growing in their understanding and self-exploration or do I gravitate to like minded individuals who are reinforcing my bad habits and no so healthy thoughts."

"ask yourself regularly", is generally very good advice.

[Blimblam]

I think I see what your getting at but I think self exploration involves catharsis.  What I mean is by making the polarization it seems to put catharsis into a negative or pejorative category. That is my only gripe as I think catharsis is, in my experience, an essential component leading directly to every breakthrough.

So, I will start with my critique, and move on to thanking you for the aims of this thread.  First of all when I arrived on these forums I was at the complete brink and  a state of complete catharsis.  There were many compassionate voices on these boards at the time the only thing is a contingency of particular members felt the need to impose on me their malignant projection that I was pathetic and completely misguided to believe my ex ever loved me and the fact I loved my ex even though all that happened was the source of my problem. The fact, I defended my position and my ex from their projections served to them as proof that I was the problem. They acussed me of being stuck in the 'FOG' and that they had seen the light.  The simple truth of the matter is those members were projecting onto me the aspects of their own pain they were too scared and not ready to integrate into their own reality as themselves. Ironically doing exactly the thing they accused the pwbd in their lives of doing that made the pwBPD 'monsters.'

It is my experience that to face ones own shadow the thing we so often project outward can be a terrifying cathartic experience. When someone is not ready they often construct a narrative to make sense of it involving blame and it seems those people tend to flock together and feel the need to convince others that pwBPD are these totally self aware malicious manipulative masterminds, or some variation thereof that always involves a scapegoat of some sort.

[valet]

I'd say that I am mainly in the 'mostly understanding' category, but I do at times slip back as far as the 'mostly catharsis' category given the chance.

I think that this is a personal struggle with validation (and inclusively, empathy). Ever since I started looking into it and trying to actively practice it here and in my 'real' life, I've noticed that sometimes I go a little bit wild. In short, I try to stay balanced, fair, and work very hard at seeing the big picture, but I am quite a ways away from mastery. I do occasionally validate the invalid, even if my intention is to understand and educate.

In 30 days, I will probably be at more advanced level, but I'm keeping my expectations realistic. It will probably be quite a bit of time before I see myself reaching the full on 'understanding and self-exploration' category. This realization, I think, is healthy. To me it signifies that I becoming more understanding of myself. Yes, I want things, but I do have personal limitations. In time... .

[Turkish]

1. what do you think the percentages are for each category (for the Leaving Board)?

I don't hang here enough to have a feel for this, so "no answer" here...

2. why did you pick the category you picked for yourself?

I picked "Mostly." Sometimes I am drawn to co-rumination threads ("did your ex do xyz?". Yet I always hear the voice of my T, "not everything needs to be pathologized" (he was talking about me over analyzing myself, too), and, "not every little behavior needs to be attributed to a mental illness, diagnosed or not."

3. where do you think you will be in 30 days?

How about the next 15 years for which I have to have contact co-parenting? I know my countdown is unrealistic, as well as probably unhealthy. It's me being too focused upon someone else rather than on me.