Don't facebook stalk

[zundertowz]

I have had absolutely no contact with my ex for 4 months... .I think about her daily still but it's mostly wondering what she's doing and dealing with traumatic events of our relationship... .I have not stalked her page choosing just to not trigger myself... .So Saturday night I'm sitting home alone drinking and like a drug addict I couldn't help myself from looking at her page... .What I found was tons of pictures of my ex with my replacement who I never saw, apparently I was replaced a month after a 3 year live in relationship... .after some digging I found out she broke up a marriage and the wife is 4 months pregnant... .This information plus, the love bombing on the page, and the visuals of my ex with replacement has pretty much set me back to day 1. Moral of the story Don't Facebook stalk I pretty much feel worse than the day I left now.

[Darsha500]

Thanks for the warning.

[enlighten me]

There are pros aswell as cons.

Be warned though you need to be in a good place. Im in a situation where I have a son with my ex and am still fb friends with her. I have kept this link as it was the only way she would communicate with me when I worked away. I also get to see some photos of my son. i will admit it was painful at first. Now i find her behaviour funny and interesting. I have kind of built up a BPD fb translator. Its fairly accurate and has helped me a number of times to guage how she will be when i pick up or drop off my son.

As I said its not for the faint hearted and in the begining was painful.

If you have no reason to keep in contact then I would advise not going on fb.

[Herodias]

I agree that at first it was very hard because of all of the love-bombing... .but I compare it to the beginning of my r/s and I see the pattern. I actually can see what his gf posts since it is open to the public. I am not sure whose benefit it is... .her husband or myself that she is trying to upset, but maybe both. The thing is- she doesn't really know my husband at all and it helps me find out the truth in the things he tells me. She is also starting to post articles about how to know if you are in a bad r/s so, maybe she is starting to see... .not quite enough to leave yet, but a friend and I see it as a bad reality show. Some of the stuff is really hilarious. Even her fake touched up pictures that make her look allot thinner than she really is... .When he lies to me, all I have to do is look at her page and find out the truth in her eyes. It's not called FAKEBOOK for no reason. Try not to take it too hard... .It is all for show- people are not that happy all the time. Especially people with BPD. Just remember what you went through and know it will be repeated... .

[zundertowz]

I definitely see the love bombing patterns and to be honest I'm a bit embarrassed I took part in it once... .I guess i didn't need the visual of the profile pic of the two of them together and I'm kinda ill she broke up a marriage when the wife was pregnant... .maybe I was holding out hope that there was a soul in there somewhere.  I don't want to hate her... .but it's just impossible.

[Schermarhorn]

When I see her continue the cycle, it makes me feel better.

The girl I fell in love with doesn't exist. So I don't get jealous or anything.

[SGraham]

Yeah i had to unsubsribe from my on Facebook because anytime id see something she'd post something my ruminations would get out of control. Like you said, its a drug. Sometimes i end up accidentally torturing myself with memories.

[SGraham]

When I see her continue the cycle, it makes me feel better.

The girl I fell in love with doesn't exist. So I don't get jealous or anything.

That's actually a really helpful way to look at it. Thanks

[disorderedsociety]

Eh, don't feel bad. Its like desensitization. Weird how similar some of our situations are. I lived with her for 3 years. She replaced me the day I told her we could no longer talk or interact. Got preg a month into it with him. Dunno how that's gonna turn out. I read somewhere that women's' brains actually grow (emotional processing area) with childbirth, maybe its a good thing?

[greenmonkey]

I know that whatever is posted on FB is not real life for her.

Every selfie on their she is always wearing sun glasses and showing how happy happy she is with life. Whereas the truth is totally different or it was when we were together.  The eyes show a lot and she hides them - always without fail, everywhere, her recent click on me showed a new profile picture first in many years of her with her son I guess on holiday somewhere - did it bother me - not in the slightest - she is no longer any part of my life and I have no emotions either.

I stopped taking an interest in her life when I got her out of my life 9 months ago. I have no feelings what soever for her so she is not blocked, but my account is on lockdown and has been for many years due to the nature of my work.

She frequently clicks on me as does her 'friends' so her interest in my whereabouts and life are still present.

if you value your wellbeing and self care - just block whilst you heal, and then unblock when you are immune to emotions and feelings have gone - look after you first.