NC for 6 months, uBPD mom now trying to reconnect :/

[oceaneyes]

I have been no contact with my uBPD mother for ~6 months now. A few weeks ago I had my last (regularly-scheduled) therapy session. It came to a natural end because, without the drama created by my uBPD mother, my life was pretty normal and balanced. I've made a lot of strides, and I'm continuing to work on myself using the skills I've learned in therapy. I've generally been feeling really good. I finally felt like my life was getting back on track and I found myself actually thinking about myself in a positive light. For the first time in my life, I felt proud of myself! I had been basking in that glow for a few weeks now until... .

A week after my last session, my uBPD mother started trying to contact me. It's all pretty harmless stuff (compared to things she's done in the past), waify, guilt-tripping text messages, DMs on social media, etc. Now it has escalated to her calling me from other phone numbers (I have her number blocked) and even trying to call me from her place of employment.

She just tried to call me again 30 minutes ago, and I immediately went into a panic, my heart was racing, I started sweating, and I felt nauseous. I hate that she has this affect on me and that even during NC she can continue to hurt me. I'm not really looking for any answers, I know that I have to just continue to hold strictly to my boundary. I'm just feeling really frustrated, I guess.

Even with all the strides I've made, I still find myself feeling fearful of what she'll try next. I know with every unanswered call she makes, her rage inside is building and she will get more and more bold in her attempts. I sometimes worry she'll try to call me at work or she'll just show up at my doorstep even though she lives 3-4 hours away. I feel like the Obligation and Guilt part of F.O.G. I have worked through but I still have a knee jerk, fear-based reaction to even the thought of her.

I wrote a letter detailing my need to go no contact, but I never sent it to her. I felt like it would cause more harm than good, but now that she's not understanding that I've gone NC, I feel like it might be best to send it and make it clear that I have detached from our relationship.

Has anyone else had an experience like this? What did you do to help calm yourself, or not let it get to you? In this journey, I often feel really isolated and alone, so just hear other people's similar stories really bring comfort.

Thank you

[Meadowslark]

Hey Oceaneyes! Have a hug~ 

It sounds so incredibly stressful to have your mom try to contact you, especially after having worked on yourself through therapy for 6 months! I'm proud of you for taking care of your needs first. You are very important.

I'm NC with my (diagnosed) BPDsister for about 9 months now, and actually just went NC with my NPDfather two days ago. I wrote him a very short letter, detailing that it is healthiest for me to not have any relationship with him, and then blocked him everywhere I could. I do fear that he'll show up at my workplace or something, but we'll cross that bridge if we have to. Being NPD, I'm sure having the cops called on him would be a major embarrassment. My sister can't come stalk me - she's on the other side of the country now.

Calming yourself can be so difficult, especially if you feel alone in this. We're here for you. Detaching for your mother was a very important step in your life, as painful as it was. It's natural to have a knee-jerk reaction to her attempts at contact. It's like having been shot once and fearing guns thereafter, it's perfectly natural.

Sending the letter might be a good idea, but only send it for your own peace of mind. Is there any way you can document the attempts at contact and contact the police with it?

[Jazzyblue]

Hi ocean eyes, my  situation is very similar and I'm considering a restraining order. Even though I have not seen my mother for 1.5 years I still go into a panic when I get an email from her. This morning I received three messages and instantly started shaking, cold sweats, etc. I think our reactions are telling us what we already know. That  the relationship is unhealthy and no contact is best. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it can be a very scary thing being in fear of someone showing up unwanted.

[Charlie3236]

Wow I just posted about going from NC to LC, then I read your post! I have the same reaction to even the thought of contact... .fear and trembling. I hate that my sister has this much power over me still! I wish I just had an emotional OFF switch when it comes to her!

My mother was the SAME way and brutalized me for years until she FINALLY committed suicide. I'm sad that her soul was wasted and torn, but I'm also so grateful that she is out of my life for good.  I think in your case, her being your parent and all, your best move is to avoid that demon until it goes away! Good luck & God bless!