How to make a child wBPD to realize her condition, dealing with toxic parents

[between]

How can I help my relative to face her own situation and start to deal with her problem, despite her parents negative influence?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Ohiomom89]

 

I'm sorry your relative is suffering.  You cannot *make* her/him "face" their situation as in most or a lot of cases, they don't believe there is an issue with themselves--it's other people who have the problem.  It's the case in my family, anyway.  :'(

Are you sure the parents have been affecting her/him negatively--or is that what the BPD person says?  I just can speak from my own experience that the THOUSANDS of dollars, countless HOURS, repeated help, countless therapy sessions (together and alone), it is and never will be, enough for our BPdd.  She will tell anyone who will listen, with a straight face, that we've done Nothing For Her.  It hurts, it angers, it tears apart the family.  Out of the hundreds of things we've done, she will find the ONE thing we maybe didn't do *right* or to her satisfaction.  It's tremendously hurtful.

If there IS a negative influence from the parents, she/he needs to find support outside the family.  You did not mention the age of this relative, so I don't know if it's feasible for this person to get out of the home.  If the person is underage, maybe there is another relative--Aunt, Uncle, etc. who sees a problem and can maybe offer up advice. 

As a parent, no matter how old my children get, they are my children.  I will help to the best of my ability, however, there is a point the person has to attempt to help THEMSELVES.  Learn from consequences of their actions.  But again, if this person doesn't think there is a problem, nobody on the planet will be able to help.  You cared enough to post here; maybe you can talk to your relative in a non-threatening, non-judgmental way.  Print an article about BPD and the traits.  The relative may or may not read it, but at least you know you've done something to try to help.  But again, getting someone else to "face her own situation" is something, unfortunately, you cannot do.  Bless you for trying and caring!