I know looking at FB is a bad idea but what I have seen has made me laugh

[Popcorn71]

A few weeks ago I came across the replacement's facebook page by accident when looking at the page of a mutual friend.  Occasionally I have been tempted and have looked at the replacement's page.  Usually there's nothing worth seeing but I can't help but look out of curiosity.  I guess I'm waiting to see something bad happen for them really.

Well, tonight I noticed that she is posting more frequently and sharing memes about women leaving if they are not treated right, etc.  That makes me wonder if all is still rosy in paradise.  They are at the 2 year mark, which is around the time he began to show his true colours to me.  It's a pity I didn't see this at the time.

What made me laugh tonight, was that the replacement is posting during the evening when she is most likely sitting with my ex watching all the crap tv shows that he used to watch.  It used to bore me stupid so I'd use my laptop.  He hated this and constantly accused me of paying the computer more attention that I paid him, even though if I didn't use it, he would still sit glued to the TV and not talk to me anyway.  So now, it looks like she is doing the same thing ... .  and no doubt really annoying him by doing it.

Haha - maybe he will see now that the grass isn't any greener!

[balletomane]

I sometimes look at my replacement's page for the same reason (it's been almost five months since they got together and my ex and I were extremely rocky by this point - at six months ours was the longest relationship he'd ever had). However, her privacy settings are high so I can't see anything. Mostly I just check to see that they're still FB friends. I know I shouldn't, but I can relate to what you write - waiting to see what happens, wondering if she's doing the same things I used to do, etc.

[JohnLove]

Geeeez Popcorn71... .what IS it about the TV?... .is it just the fact that it doesn't talk back? 

[Sadly]

This made me laugh too, quite a rare phenomenon lately. I have a confession to make. I have a smart tv that changes channel with hand signals and when I was being totally ignored hour after hour I used to do this. He didn't know what I was doing ( cos he never looked at me anyway) and was always complaining about my dodgy tv and telling me to get another one. Petty but sadly satisfying

[FannyB]

This made me laugh too, quite a rare phenomenon lately. I have a confession to make. I have a smart tv that changes channel with hand signals and when I was being totally ignored hour after hour I used to do this. He didn't know what I was doing ( cos he never looked at me anyway) and was always complaining about my dodgy tv and telling me to get another one. Petty but sadly satisfying

Love it - sounds like hi-tech gaslighting to me, with a bit of role reversal thrown in for good measure! 

[Sadly]

Nice to be light hearted sometimes. Ok, confession 2 coming up. He used to switch back with the remote (always had the controls) ? sometimes I would wave immediately and watch him banging the remote on the arm of the sofa. Couple of times he would go off and get new batteries. Any more light hearted role reversals out there?

[balletomane]

Well, prompted by this thread I went to look at my ex's profile (I hadn't for a few weeks) and I immediately saw that he'd changed his privacy settings so that people who aren't friends with him can't see his friends list, only any mutual friends they might have. It also no longer shows events he is attending or has been to. I don't want to read too much into it but that feels almost as though he knows that sometimes I look and he wants to prevent me from seeing who he has befriended/fallen out with and where he's been going. He has never cared about too much about Facebook privacy before - almost everything was public. Heightened privacy also hints to me that things are getting rockier for him. He would see it as a source of shame if I found out (once he told me "I'm not going to commit suicide because that's what you want, I'm going to have a great life just to spite you".

[ScotisGone74]

The general concensus here has always been to avoid looking at your ex `s or the replacement s FB.     And I will agree with that for most folks just out of these types of relationships, but at some point way down the line I believe that its therapeutic to view their FB after we have done the work on ourselves just to glimpse it to remind ourselves that there was really nothing special about them or the replacement and they really are broken people.    Years down the line after I was replaced with a much younger guy I see he has boobies and the exBpd looks like that binge eating has taken a toll, in the meantime I need to clean the lint off my six pack     I would say give it six months or a year and take just a glimpse when you feel you are ready.    Seeing them do the exact same stuff with the replacement or say the exact same things they said to us is also just a confirmation it was all BS anyway.     Get to Living     

Peace

[sas1729]

Oh this thread made me laugh! Once in a while, out of boredom, I do idly check my BPDex's fb. Months ago I noticed that my ex had put me on some restricted list since most of the information was now gone. There are absolutely zero triggers and I only do it out of boredom. It was someone that I had spent a couple years with so I'm curious to see if her plans panned out. Of course with the privacy settings I can't learn much, but there are some interesting things that come up every now and then (and then they usually show up in my mini feed, which I have not restricted). My BPDex is using an old photo that I took of her as the profile pic. It's just funny and I have no emotions related to it. It's not a bad photo and I hope for her sake that she (presumably) has no emotions either with it.

It's so odd but actually seeing the occasional update in my minifeed (for what I am allowed to see) only makes me whimsically smile. I'm very lucky to have gone so far in my healing that I now either don't care or just chuckle. I just wish her well and know that she has enough challenges that any ill thought on my part is foolish.

[Popcorn71]

Seeing them do the exact same stuff with the replacement or say the exact same things they said to us is also just a confirmation it was all BS anyway.     

I think this sums it up.  My ex was full of BS!

[Sadly]

Ok, well not quite where I thought we were going but hey ho, confession no. 3. When we used to make a joint ( and trust me that was a contest too) I ended up only recently though, making, bit of grass, miss a bit, bit of grass miss a bit, and making sure I sparked it up. Is this counted as controversial? To be fair he was usually in an alchoholic slump by then. And also

considering we stayed at mine more than his it was always me that ran out first. Can I claim poetic justice on that one?

[rickdeckard]

We all want the replacements to fail, don't we?

We want to see the mushroom cloud on the horizon when their "relationship" fails in the grandest of ways... .

not always because we want them back, but so we can stand stand - arms akimbo - on a hill, silhouetted against the setting sun as they crawl back to us.

"Please, I am so sorry, I was wrong, you really are the only one I truly loved... ."

Then you give 'em the finger, turn around, and walk off into the sunset laughing maniacally.

Sweet image, eh?

It's okay to feel that anger and lust for revenge... .not okay to act on it, but to let ourselves feel it. Sit with it, let ourselves experience it. And share amongst friends if we are comfortable with it. This will pass just as the other feelings do.

Eventually the hate/love does fade. It takes time. And one of the greatest upsides to this is we may have found some new friends. Some that are huddling in different foxholes in the same war. Funny thing is that war is all in our heads... .we are fighting against ourselves internally. The enemy isn't the ex.

One of the things I love about this forum is that others will step in and hold up a mirror to us... .how is this benefitting YOU, what effect is this having on YOU, think about YOU, YOU are not defined by your ex or any other person. And, YOU ARE NOT ALONE... .WE CARE.

I have most likely contradicted myself several times... .

Anyway, if you'd like an interesting read about FB, type   facebook  or    FB   or some other combination into the search bar up there^^^^. I have several times... .it helped... .