heading to court tomrorow

[livednlearned]

Thanks.

Some of the things seem less dire than at the time. He canceled the kids' doctors' appointments unilaterally four times in two years. It shouldn't have ever happened, but just saying it happens twice a year doesn't sound as dire. Then again, I'm add ing how he harassed me to cancel many of the others, and I have to tell each office not to cancel if someone else calls.

I've been told that I minimize, but compared to what judges see, some of this sounds tame. Still, as several of you have said above, it's the volume. I am numbering my parts and then attaching an exhibit to each.

"He has a pattern of canceling the kids' appointments."

"There is an agreement/court order where it makes explicit that he does not do this, on day/date/year."

"On day/date/year he canceled the appointment."

"PC #1 explicitly told him to stop doing this."

"He did this #2 on day/date/year, and #day/date/year"

"PC #2 explicitly told him to stop."

"He did it again #4 on day/date/year. He did it again on day/date/year."

"Mr. momtara's habit is to ignore the order and do as he wishes, despite the court's wishes, and in actions that are contrary to what is best for the kids."

"My client should not feel intimidated when she wants to make appointments for the kids to see the doctor because of normal, within range health reasons."

"This pattern of behavior is consistent with similar actions where he has been asked to present evidence that he is seeing his psychiatrist."

"On day/date/year, he consented to the order that states he will do this."

"My client has reason to be concerned because of behavior behavior behavior. Dates dates dates examples examples examples"

On and on and on and on like that.

You have to stop doubting yourself. Don't think about this as a chat with the judge, where the two of you sit down and he or she decides whether you have a reason to complain. And don't compare yourself to other cases. Judges don't do that, so you shouldn't either. Judges sit there and listen for technicalities and precedence and try to pick out the evidence from the hearsay. They want to make sure they can rule in a way that won't get appealed.

All you have to do is get your documentation organized and present it in a way that makes your case.

You're judging yourself! It makes it hard to imagine how this will go well if you've already decided that things aren't dire.

[momtara]

Nah, I know there are patterns, and when you spell it out like you did above, it makes so much sense and becomes so clear.

I've been writing this response up for days, not going to bed until 3 a.m.

I thought I had better documentation. I have screen shots of all the repeated calls he has made to me, but they say "yesterday" instead of a date because I took the photos the day after. Ugh, so frustrating! Documenting these things can be hard. I can show patterns, but he can lie.

I do have some other days where I have better screenshots of the crazy calls. Now I know better for next time. It's just so aggravating to document for years and years.

Still, I think I have a shot at getting what I want.

[livednlearned]

When I prepared for my disposition, I printed out all of the emails and sorted them in one giant 3-ring binder. Color-coded, tabbed, and annotated. It was a thing of beauty.

My L brought it into the deposition and put it on the desk next to her.

She didn't need it -- she had all of her notes, and had pulled the emails she wanted to use. But she brought the binder because it sent a  message about the volume we were talking about.

Ex's L came in with a slim manila folder with two pieces of paper in it.

After the deposition when the two Ls were talking, apparently he told my L than as soon as he saw the binder he knew his client was sunk.

Some of this is theater, momtara. 

[momtara]

Yes, it is theater. His atty may see all this stuff and not want to go to court. I think that's what will happen.

Thanks, Livedandlearned, as always - there are little things you say sometimes that jar an idea or understanding I didn't have before. I think you may not even realize some of your most helpful comments.

It turns out, the missing documentation won't help me much; I'm focusing on the things I *can* show. A few people here have reminded me that his calling me 53 times in 1.5 hours is not normal. I'm so used to harassment I forget what seems weird to the outside world.

[david]

Our S12 had his first day of school on Monday. S17 started his first day on Tuesday. I normally have the boys on Monday during the school year. I emailed ex on Wednesday that I thought it a good idea to have S12 take the bus to her place instead of me picking him up at school since S17 was at her place anyway. Ex replied that the court order states that I am to pick the boys up at school on my custodial days. She went on for about three paragraphs. I took it as an angry email and replied I would pick him up at school and then pick up S17 at her place. No big deal. Everything went fine. I took the boys out to eat since it was the first day. During our dinner S12 asked why he couldn't take the bus. I told him that I emailed mom and asked if h could do just that and she said no. I explained it wasn't a big deal either way.

Well... .S12 goes on to tell me that mom sent an email to me telling me I had to pick him up at school because last year I picked S17 up at school on a day that was mom's custodial day.

S17was sick and the nurse called me after calling ex four times with no answer. I told the nurse I would pick him up shortly. I picked him up and he went right to bed. He was nauseous and feel to sleep shortly. Back then ex sent a nasty email telling me that I needed t drop him off at her place since it was her custodial time. I replied that he was sleeping and informed her of everything that transpired prior to that. I replied that I was not going to wake him up and drive him to her place since he was ill. I went further saying if he wasn't feeling better tomorrow I would make a doc appointment and let her know the time. I received a call from a police officer a few hours later. I explained everything to him and understood what I did and why.

According to S12 that is why ex would not let him take the bus to her place. She told him she was getting back at me for what I did last year ? I couldn't help it and I laughed because it was soo crazy. I gathered myself and said I was sorry but that seemed funny to me.

I wrote what happened Monday at dinner and sent myself an email with all the info. I also referenced the email from last year ( the date ).

Time has a way of helping you distance yourself so you see the crazy for what it is.

[momtara]

ok, that is nutty.

i email myself about stuff like that too.

glad you have more perspective now.