BPD Boyfriend of 2 years [Intro]

[glutton4tcole]

Hi. I am 42, he is 28. I have worked for & now own my own Business. 20+ years. He has worked offshore for 9 years making very good $$ and investing wisely. I have a 21 year old daughter. A 10 month old granddaughter.  He and i have so many things working against us before you even consider the BPD.

I love my boyfriend unconditionally. I knew within a few months of dating him that he had some sort of mental disorder. Jekyl & Hyde is the perfect nickname for his behavior. I don't know how I have managed to stick with him for as long as I have, it has been the most life changing experience I have ever encountered. I want to help him. I want to learn what approach to take with him that will be most successful. He is extremely easy to set off.  

We knew each other for years before dating. I am recently divorced after a horrible 15 year relationship. He moved in with me a few months after dating. He does own a home of his own.  

My daughter moved back home when she found out she was pregnant. My daughter is a Sociopath. Our relationship is extremely rocky. That's a whole different story entirely. She brings a lot of stress to my relationship with boyfriend. She is not with the father of baby during pregnancy or at time of birth. After baby is 1 month old my daughter decides to try to make things work. She has since married the guy and both of them are lazy bums that won't get off their ass to work and provide for their daughter. So that has fallen on myself & my boyfriend, my mother & dad. We also keep my grandbaby most of the time as they choose to live places that are not ideal for the baby. All of this brings so much stress to the table.

My boyfriend is very good looking. He enjoys gambling, fishing, hanging out with friends, strip clubs & we share a mutual fondness of sex, fantasies, and we both have more than healthy sexual appetites.

His parents are married to each other. God fearing good Christian people. I understand his dad & dad's mom both suffer with some type of personality disorder. He has told me that when he was young his father would get upset and not speak to him for long periods of time. He gets into arguments with his mom & dad quite regularly and will ignore them. He doesn't treat his mother too harshly nor can he ignore her for long. But he has spent most of the past 2 years not speaking to his dad.  And most of the time when I know why they aren't speaking it's because my bf got his feelings hurt and over-reacts and will not let it go.

I just recently found out he has been spying on me. On my calls, emails, texts, etc. He has demanded I drop all of my male friends however I have repeatedly caught him texting, calling, sending & receiving pics that shouldn't as we are in a relationship. He does not feel required nor can you make him admit his mistakes nor suffer the consequences or answer questions.

Saying all of that, he is a good man. Tender, considerate, and non-judging, when he isn't in a episode. I really want to help him. Help us. If it means we aren't together then so be it however I want to help him.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[babyducks]

hi glutton4tcole

welcome to the bpdfamily.

I think you summed things up nicely when you said this has been the most life changing experience I have ever encountered. 

for me too.

bpdfamily will help educate, inform, and support you.   As much as we all want to help our person with Borderline Personality Disorder (pwBPD) the only person we can change, is ourselves.

What I found to be true for me is that some small changes I made in my life made a big difference in my relationship.   Now they were small changes.  They were not easy changes.   

The place to start is the box to the right hand side of the screen.   It contains the Lessons.   They are the tools, the skills that makes communications smoother and understanding easier.

I would suggest you start by clicking on Lesson 1 Understanding your partner's behaviors, and see what fits.

'ducks