My Update

[MrTardyPresent]

                 Its been 5 months and 6 days since I initiated no contact with my BPDex. She tried to reel me back in 3 times in May via 2 unknown calls and a text asking for her games back. I blocked her on everything, phone, social media etc. so she won't disrupt my healing. My healing has been tremendous, albeit non-linear, but tremendous nonetheless. Just remember that time doesn't heal your wounds. It's what you do with your time that heals your wounds. I want to give all of you non-BPDs on here hope for a better tomorrow. You may not heal in the same span of time as I did but I still hope this helps. So here's my personal healing timeline so you can get the gist of how long it takes to start feeling much better:

                Month 1-2: Extreme depression and anger. I was in a very vulnerable state. When I first got the news that she was having an emotional affair with one of her co-workers I went into shock. She was the sheltered waif type, so it completely took me by surprise. The back of my brain felt really hot and I remember a deep cold black hole in the middle of my chest. I would jump from feeling depressed and crying to angry and throwing my chairs/destroying objects. I started a journal called The Introspection Era on June 30th.

              Month 3: The anger went away by month 3, but the depression was still there it just wasn't as bad as it was in the previous 2 months. I'm not cyber stalking her social media accounts every 3-4 days. I went on a 3 week long streak of not looking her up online and it made me feel much better.

             Month 4: This is the month where I started seeing results. My mood shot through the roof on some days but then would go back to moderate. I cut my friends off during this month. I needed time to myself and they weren't a positive influence on me. I've felt better since I cut them off.

            Month 5: I deleted Facebook and Instagram. I felt way better once I did that. I'm investing in myself. I buy healthy food, I workout, I buy good/stylish clothing, I get haircuts, I go out, I can speak to women without feeling anxiety, I can speak to men without feeling anxiety etc. I have a bit of narcissism but I don't have the disorder. I'm trying to get rid of it (if that's even possible) and deleting social media accounts is a great first step. I've always been a bit spiritual but I'm not religious. The other day I prayed and in that prayer I asked God, The Universe, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah or whomever you refer to him as if he can give me a sign of what I'm supposed to do with my life. As I was walking to my grandmother's house I saw some men constructing a building. I always see them working on that building whenever I walk past my grandmother's but this time it was a different feeling. As I was looking at it I had a eureka moment. That was the sign. My purpose is to build, to create. It can vary from building people up, bodybuilding, creating stories and art, building computers, building gadgets etc. That's my duty and that's what I was put on this Earth for.

So yeah, that's about it. Godspeed to your healing process my fellow nons.

[Greenleaf23]

This is awesome! I was feeling good and my ex showed up drunk banging on my door. Now Im starting no contact again and this post gives me hope. From this day forward I am going to focus on me and my overall health. This post gives me strength.

[enlighten me]

Hi MrTardy

Great news and a great post.

You are right time isn't the healer if you don't do anything with that time. The more you do to help yourself the less time it takes to heal.

Im glad you've found your purpose in life. It can be a struggle to know what it is. I personally have my dream that I am working towards. I dont know if I will ever achieve it but I think its good to have something to head towards even if you don't get there.