uBPDxw now engaged to my neighbor

[Depression = 72% of members]

I just found out my uBPDxw is engaged to me married to my neighbor. Recap: Married 18Yrs 2 kids 10&15. Found her in affair with my neighbor Fathers Day 2013. She never came back home since she was caught. Divorced completed Feb 2014. She moved in with neighbor OFFICIALLY July 2014.

Oddly enough it hasn't fazed me. I thought when this day came I would really be pissed and full of anxiety but I'm not. I was in a lot of pain over everything she did as I had no idea how she really was during our marriage as she was a Chameleon. Don't get me wrong I wish the 2 of them would move but I really don't care. I almost feel relieved. The only thing I'm concerned about is my 2 sons and how she affects them but even that is limited as I have primary custody. Don't get me wrong it's not like I wish them well and I think he deserves whatever he gets but I'm at a better place now then at anytime in my 18yr marriage... .God is good!

Peace to everyone on this site especially those in the early stages of recovery and still in the FOG of manipulation.  It does get better! Thanks for letting me share.

MWC 

[mywifecrazy]

I just found out my uBPDxw is engaged to me married to my neighbor. Recap: Married 18Yrs 2 kids 10&15. Found her in affair with my neighbor Fathers Day 2013. She never came back home since she was caught. Divorced completed Feb 2014. She moved in with neighbor OFFICIALLY July 2014.

Oddly enough it hasn't fazed me. I thought when this day came I would really be pissed and full of anxiety but I'm not. I was in a lot of pain over everything she did as I had no idea how she really was during our marriage as she was a Chameleon. Don't get me wrong I wish the 2 of them would move but I really don't care. I almost feel relieved. The only thing I'm concerned about is my 2 sons and how she affects them but even that is limited as I have primary custody. Don't get me wrong it's not like I wish them well and I think he deserves whatever he gets but I'm at a better place now then at anytime in my 18yr marriage... .God is good!

Peace to everyone on this site especially those in the early stages of recovery and still in the FOG of manipulation.  It does get better! Thanks for letting me share.

MWC 

[maxen]

hi mwc. yikes that's quite a situation. at least when my exw started something else it was miles away and i didn't have to live with it. you've done marvelously! i hope you maintain your equilibrium. you've got alot of strength.

do your sons know yet? how do you think you'll address it with them?

[Moselle]

Hi MWC. Well done for keeping a level head about that. I'm glad you're in a better place.

[mywifecrazy]

Maxen, my 15yr old son was pretty hurt. I just talked to him that everything will be OK and that he's already been around the neighbor when he goes to visit his Mom so nothing is really going to change but her name. I think he was very sad because it's the last thing he was holding onto with his Mother and me. I reassured him how much I love him and that I will support him in any decisions he makes as far as him seeing or not seeing his Mom at the neighbors. I will not keep him from going over there to see her on her EOW visit nor will I force him if he's uncomfortable.

On a side note it's very eye opening seeing her going through the stages of a BPD relationship because she's so close and I hear bits and pieces from the kids. I witnessed The love bombing, idealization, triangulation (her being victim, me villain, neighbor white night) and her isolating him and manipulating him into taking care of her. It will be interesting if/when they get married as to how long before she turns on him. I've even witnessed her briefly painting me white at times. I keep ALL communications to email only and only bout kids. I'm close by but I'm NC as much as possible and have healthy boundaries in place. My education from bpdfamily has me using her actions to see what she's really like as apposed to her words. I really do feel sorry for her (not in a rescuing way

[Circle]

So great to hear how you have turned this into a positive situation for yourself. I mean that, in the way that you express a sense of relief and freedom. Also good to hear that you are in the clear and free of the parasite.

[Moselle]

MWC you are doing so well. It's clear you have developed a clear sense of reality and have exited the FOG.

Well done

So glad you can watch the phases of a BPD relationship from a distance, and knowing it's not your problem any more!

[123Phoebe]

mywifecrazy, wowwee!  You sound strong and calm and accepting of this, while so comforting and strong for your kids, yes!   Aw   Cool

[Lucky Jim]

Hey mwc, I admire your equanimity.  I still get riled up during interactions with my BPDxW (we have two kids), who is still quite belligerent and hostile, even though we've been apart for nearly five years, divorced for the last two.  When I get upset by the unkind things that she says, I remind myself that I'm no longer married to her, which is a relief!  LuckyJim

[Moselle]

Also good to hear that you are in the clear and free of the parasite.

This describes it quite well. After being the host for 15 years, it feels good to remove my parasite... .almost :-)

[mywifecrazy]

So great to hear how you have turned this into a positive situation for yourself. I mean that, in the way that you express a sense of relief and freedom. Also good to hear that you are in the clear and free of the parasite.

Yes it wasn't clear when I was being manipulated by her but once she left and attached to the neighbor I felt like I was a host to her as a parasite. It took me a while and going NC to get my head out of the FOG to come to this realization. Thanks for your response!

MWC... . 

[mywifecrazy]

MWC you are doing so well. It's clear you have developed a clear sense of reality and have exited the FOG.

Well done

So glad you can watch the phases of a BPD relationship from a distance, and knowing it's not your problem any more!

It's not always easy as I see how her actions are hurtful to my sons. It's still my problem as it relates to them. I'm free of her but they are not  

MWC... .

[mywifecrazy]

mywifecrazy, wowwee!  You sound strong and calm and accepting of this, while so comforting and strong for your kids, yes!   Aw   Cool

Trust me I have my days where the lunacy of her being across the street give me anxiety! I've come to a place where I just Let Go and Let God. Im now focused on the only thing I can control... .Myself and my responsibilities as a father.

MWC... .

[mywifecrazy]

Hey mwc, I admire your equanimity.  I still get riled up during interactions with my BPDxW (we have two kids), who is still quite belligerent and hostile, even though we've been apart for nearly five years, divorced for the last two.  When I get upset by the unkind things that she says, I remind myself that I'm no longer married to her, which is a relief!  LuckyJim

Hang in there LJ. Trust me I still have my days now and then when she gets to me. She's always playing the victim and acting helpless when it comes to her responsibilities as a Mother but I try not to take the bait. My days of parenting her on how to be a good parent are over! Yes I too get a sense of relief knowing that I'm not married to her and that she is my neighbors responsibility.

MYC... .

[Terle]

i am quite impressed with how unfazed you are! that is so cool, man :D

I wish i could be as cool about my uBPD mum.

Keep chillin' :D

[Moselle]

It's not always easy as I see how her actions are hurtful to my sons. It's still my problem as it relates to them. I'm free of her but they are not  

This is heartbreaking to me too

[mywifecrazy]

i am quite impressed with how unfazed you are! that is so cool, man :D

I wish i could be as cool about my uBPD mum.

Keep chillin' :D

I wasn't always unfazed! It's my faith in God, recovery work and my education on here that has gotten me to this point.  Not to mention time. It's been a little over 2-1\2 yrs since I caught her with neighbor and I finally found out who she truly was not who she portrayed herself to be. It takes a while to go through the grieving process but if you give it time you WILL get to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

MWC... .