Hi Unique135,
You're welcome. I think what can feel devastating are the dreams that are taken away from the disorder when we work so hard to try to keep things together and it's like a switch that's flipped. We can be split black and the person that loved us so much change and hate us.
When my ex cheated and had an affair it wasn't so much about me, I did self protect and pushed as well because I have intimacy issues, she did it because she wasn't coping in the relationship and needs someone to take care of her. She returned to her emotional baseline and was happy in the idealization phase of her new relationship with her boyfriend. She put him on a pedestal like she had put me on a pedestal 10 years ago and she's slowly splitting him black ( like she had done to me ) and slowly splitting me white. She has a history of chaotic interpersonal relationships. That is BPD.
I have to agree with you that he may treat her the same way and cheat on her as well. Past behaviors can predict future behaviors.
Thank you very much for your reply. I am slowly trying to understand that I just CANNOT understand him. I am just not able to fathom how an individual is able to change so quickly.
I can relate with that feeling with not understanding why someone can change so quickly. I was married and we were together for several years and it was like our history was erased in her mind.
I felt the abandonment depression after she had abandoned me, it was a traumatic event, I had an emotional reaction from loss and grieved the relationship and have reached acceptance
A pwBPD can't feel what their defense mechanisms prevent them to to feel with loss and "inhibited grieving" can be unhealthily channeled with self sabotage, anger and acting out.
My ex has to go through intensive therapy to process loss and grief, nearly three years post break up, she's a committed to the same person, she has acted out when she found out I was spending time with a new female friend.
She had an affair, left with him, has been in a committed relationship for three years, the jealousy and acting out directed at me doesn't make logical sense.