What are the chances our exes, exes will end up here?

[Herodias]

I was just thinking, as many new people come on here, I wonder if our exes -exes end up here eventually as well? Because of the Member names and privacy, I suppose we would not know, but it would be something if anyone ever noticed such similar patterns or stories that they shared that they shared the same pwBPD!  Maybe I think too much, ,but could happen!

[HappyNihilist]

Herodias, this is something I've wondered before, too. It's certainly possible - I would think more so in cases where the ex was diagnosed with BPD.

You'll see people ask here sometimes, "Were we dating/married to the same person?"  I can't think of a time where it's ever turned out that was the case, but hey, it could happen.

I guess the question is - what impact/effect would it have on us if our ex's partner or ex wound up here? How would we feel about that? What would we want to say (if anything) to them?

I wouldn't mind sharing stories with one of my exbf's long-ago exes - someone who's out of the pain and can talk about it with distance. That might even be fun. I think I would get along with several of his exes, from what he told me about them.

But I think my heart might just break in five hundred ways if I 'met' a recent ex of his. Not for me as much as for her. God knows, I don't wish his worst on anyone. And my heart would break some for him, too, because I don't want him to be alone and in pain.

[hopealways]

Suffice it to say that BPD is way more common that people know so I would not be surprised.

[fromheeltoheal]

Well let's see.  This site has about 10,000 members who have posted at least 10 times.  If we figure an average age of 35 and an average relationship length of a year, a single borderline would have had about 15 relationships.  So.  10,000 members divided by 15 people per borderline = 666 borderlines. (Hmmm.  Coincidental that number, but telling?)

It's said that 2% of the population exhibits traits that could be considered diagnosable of the disorder.  I've noticed that most folks here are from the U.S. or the U.K., with populations of 340 million and 64 million, respectively, so 2% of that total is 8 million borderlines.

So nope, based on my rudimentary swag, chances are very slim.  Makes you wonder though don't it?  With all the similarities we read and all?

[Tangy]

I've definitely thought about this. It would be amusing.

[ReneeMurphy523]

I have wondered this myself, just cause even though I am not naming names or anything, some things I have shared seem to reveal a fair amount------but, I really don't think my ex would be on here.  I am sure he has no idea what borderline is, and denies he is the problem 90-95% of the time.

HappyNihilst is right I think though, if they have been formerly diagnosed that would up the chance of them viewing these boards.

[FannyB]

Given the length of time this site has been active, the number of members that have 'passed through' and a borderline's propensity for multiple broken relationships, the law of averages dictates that some members simply must have been posting about the same pwBPD - albeit probably several years apart. 


Fanny

[gameover]

Hahaha I got a good chuckle out of everyone's math.

My BPDexgf's still pretty young--minus the ex from high school who she's back with I doubt anyone else has ever been with her long enough to be deeply affected or even exposed to her disorder (though a pwBPD can do a number on a NON in a couple of weeks sometimes  ).  If any of them were exposed to anything, they probably wrote it off to teen girl behavior.

That said, if there are any exes in the future I sure hope they find this place.  I can't remember what I typed in Google that led me to BPD, but I can't imagine trying to make sense of this situation without knowledge of the disorder.  

[enlighten me]

I too have wondered this and have thought about it more recently as my exgf has just broken up with my replacement.

Looking at the maths if a pwBPD has an average of one relationship every five years and two percent of the population suffer from it then that takes it up to 4 % affected over a ten year period. Then add to that the affair partners. My exgf I believe had two in the two and a half years we were together. So if we add another 1% to that.

So 5% of the population affected over 10 years =20,200,000.

Then theres the chance that an ex is also being posted about by a family member.

[Pretty Woman]

I think it would depend on how screwed up the ex is.



Or how aware they are. I was so confused by her behavior I did a lot of searching. Not everyone will do that.  I've met a few of her exes who are NPD. I can almost guarantee they have never landed here.

I did introduce an "ex of my ex" to this site. We are friends and she no longer speaks to our mutual ex. She does not know my screen name but she says everything makes sense now having read all the posts she could on here. She wishes she knew about this site back then. After our ex she dated two more women who were likely BPD... .one actually almost killed her (physical violence).

[problemsolver]

I realize many have broken down the mathematics' of the percentage's but in my opinion 0... .I'd say most would run after figuring out about her child hood and what not but... I was committed to the cause I don't believe many other's would show the same commitment

[fromheeltoheal]

I realize many have broken down the mathematics' of the percentage's but in my opinion 0... .I'd say most would run after figuring out about her child hood and what not but... I was committed to the cause I don't believe many other's would show the same commitment

Yes, if there is a "type" who gets involved with folks with personality disorders long enough and deep enough to get hurt, where healthier folks would walk away immediately, then all of us here are of that "type", which is the good news really, since the version of ourselves we forge out of the ashes of a failed relationship is new and improved, a better version of ourselves, more suited to create healthier bliss, and ultimately the gift of the relationship.

[emancipated]

I'm not soo sure they do. I've always thought it took an amount of self awareness that I don't think most people would have to research and try to find the answers.my dad for example my mom cheated on him with a woman... he went to therapy but it did him no good he was content in his misery and became a bitter miserable person because he let that "failure" define who he was. I saw it too with my exes ex husband he went into depression still held alot of anger towards her can't blame him but I didnt want that for me

[Agent_of_Chaos]

I was just thinking, as many new people come on here, I wonder if our exes -exes end up here eventually as well? Because of the Member names and privacy, I suppose we would not know, but it would be something if anyone ever noticed such similar patterns or stories that they shared that they shared the same pwBPD!  Maybe I think too much, ,but could happen!

I actually wondered about this when I first started frequenting the board.  The thought of her stumbling across my safe haven and expressing genuine feelings caused me a brief bout of anxiety.  How ridiculous is that?  I then realized that she is in so much denial that it would never happen.  She doesn't have a problem... .everyone else does