frustrated love, feel lost

[loverofBPDbf1231]

My boyfriend has BPD. I once felt so strong, that I could cope and help him and help myself at the same time, but as of the past few months, I have not felt this way. I have grown resentment and spite; I have become frustrated and furious; I have felt taken advantage of; I have felt verbally and emotionally abused; I have felt helpless.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore. He is the nicest person in the world at times, and other times it is as if I am the ultimate enemy, especially when I say "no" and place clear boundaries in place. No one around me understands and just tells me to get out of it. But I love him. I want to help him. I cherish those moments when we are so happy and I know it is his disease that makes him seem like the evil person at times. Even know I know this though, it still becomes so hard to separate the disease state and the person.

I need help coping. I need help understanding. I need help communicating. I'm a natural helper (I was a health teacher, now I'm back in school for a 2nd degree in Nursing) and when I'm working with clinical cases I am so much better at navigating the situations. But with him, it's so hard. I'm IN it. I'm a part of the situation. I cannot remain unbiased because I AM BEING HURT. All of my communication skills seem to go out the window along with what he needs from me. I can't think straight.

Does anyone else have these issues? Any advice?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Hi loverofBPDbf1231,

Feeling hurt (because you are), and resentful (because of probable lack of empathy from him) are reasonable feelings. You speak of communication skills. Have you read up on communication techniques developed specifically for someone with BPD? We have them here in the lessons to the right of this board (lesson 3).


How specifically do you feel taken advantage of, do you live together? Is he diagnosed and in treatment? I hope to hear more and how best we can support you.  



Turkish

[unicorn2014]

Hi Lover of BPD1 and welcome to the family 

I understand what you're saying about people telling you to get out of it. Here on the staying board its a safe place to talk about your relationship without people telling you that. I am sorry you are going through what you're going through with your boyfriend. I hope you find solace here. If you read other people's stories you will probably find somebody you can identify with. It definitely helps to not feel so alone with the problem.