This is a startling change

[newlymarried]

Background: My DH and I have had 100% custody of my SD6 for more than a year now. BPDbiomom has had 2 kids with a felon. The felon has physically abused my SD6.

Last night the felon contacted my husband, who is in law enforcement, because he is worried about his 2 kids.He asked if BPDbiomom has any mental issues. BPDbiomom is using meth again. BPDbiomom now has the state where she lives investigating her regarding childcare. We have an open case here where we live too. She passed her urine drug test. My DH told the felon that he might want to look into getting BPDbiomom a hair test. The threat of a hair test is how my DH got a majority of custody during the divorce.

It is really scary that she is so unstable that a guy with an 18 page rap sheet would make a better parent than she would. If the state forcibly removes her other 2 kids, we can terminate her rights with no issue. I am still in a state of shock, because I never thought that the felon would contact us. I don't know where to go from here, but I do think that terminating her rights just got significantly easier.

[livednlearned]

Hi newlymarried,

I don't have any experience with this and so nothing to add, just wanted to say that being contacted by a felon, or even having one in your life, must be jarring. Knowing that the felon, and biomom, has a bad effect on SD must be so difficult. I really cannot imagine.

How is SD6 doing? Does she know anything that's going on?

[newlymarried]

With BPDbiomom being back on meth, she is pretty much ignoring SD6.We get phone calls ~every week to 2 weeks. It used to be nightly phone calls. Meth makes BPDbiomom hunt for meth and her next victim, while trying to rein in felon. My husband was shocked because he hates the felon. He is very protective of SD6. The text messages and phone call were a cry for help from someone trapped with the insanity of a BPD/Bipolar meth addict.

He is away on training for work. When he comes back we are going to petition the court for a hair test. At that point BPDbiomom can choose to terminate her rights or be hit with a 65k in back child support, supervised visits, a GAL at her expense. In Colorado, the parent that doesn't follow the court order gets saddled with the expenses. It is a smart disincentive for parents who think that court orders are just suggestions.

I am hoping that BPDbiomom chooses to terminate her rights. It will make adopting SD6 so much easier. It will also make moving away easier.

SD6 has started to tell people at school, friends and teachers; that I have already adopted her. In her mind I am the mom. No one ever told that I had adopted her. I did ask if she would want me too. I explained to her that if I adopted her, she wouldn't see BPDbiomom again.

[livednlearned]

I explained to her that if I adopted her, she wouldn't see BPDbiomom again.

Does this mean you would block access if biomom tried to contact SD6? How did SD6 respond when you told her this?

[newlymarried]

Biomom is on meth, and when there is contact; SD6 literally gets sick. SD6 didn't challenge or resist not being in contact with her mom. She seems to have accepted that she isn't going to see her mom again. She is excited about moving 2000 miles away and knows that mom won't be coming with us.

We would change phone numbers, block her on Skype and via email. The calls are so inconsistent as it is, that SD6 doesn't count on mom anymore.

[momtara]

I think the parents of 'Baby Doe' in Massachusetts were on meth. Scary stuff.

[enlighten me]

Hi Newly married.

I don't want to drag things up about your step daughter but I was thinking when you said the felon physically abused her as to the circumstances. Im not wanting any details about it but one thing my ex wife used to do was make things up about my sons so I would punish them. One day I gave my son the worst telling off of his life. It later came out that his mum had made the whole thing up. I have seen this dynamic with her new husband and this is part of the reason my sons now live with me and no longer want anything to do with their mum.

Do you think this dynamic could be involved?

[newlymarried]

Felon has a history of DV. According to SD, she tried to stick up for her BM, as felon was kicking mom's butt. That is totally in character for my SD. According to my SD, felon grabbed her by both wrists, hurt her wrist and pushed her; because she got in the way of BM getting pushed around.

BM has denied any and all abuse allegations, even though there is another arrest for felon; for beating up BM. I don't think that is the dynamic. I think that both felon and BM started using meth in early adolescence, and they have very limited tools for dealing with conflict. BM used to be physically abusive to my DH. I think that is the only way they mutually know how to deal with and anger and disagreement.

[enlighten me]

Ok I understand.

Im glad SD is out of there and safe. Still wonder if she's pushing his buttons to get him to react and that why he's phoned DH.

[newlymarried]

I think he called because he is realizing that she is crazy. He asked my husband if BM has mental issues in his texts to my husband. My DH used to be able to mitigate her crazy and put out the fires that she set in their lives. I don't think felon has that ability. I think felon is scared for his 2 kids that are under the age of 2 living in a meth flop house, with a crazy mother. I think he reached out to my husband because my husband was able to get custody of my SD.

I think the state will end up taking the 2 kids, and that will make terminating BM's rights easier.

[newlymarried]

Momtara, Meth is awful. We are back to calls maybe once a week from mom. Biomom has absolutely lost her mind.