shatra: but what other conclusion could I draw?
EM: I miss his friendship. But if he does not want mine I must respect that.
Could some of his criticisms be valid? Are there things about myself that need to change? I don't know.
Hey Beach Babe, I'm sorry you feel that way and your ex is refusing your efforts to establish a mature friendship. Anyway, I'd like to give you some advices based also on my personal experience:
1 - You left the door open. If he doesn't want to answer, then let him go; if he wants to come back in the future he will. There's no point in having a friendship with a person that treated you badly, has grave problems due to the disorder and is not willing to establish a mature relationship.
2 - You cannot base your self-worth on him. Perhaps some of his criticisms were true (in the end,
we are humans!), however a mature and emotionally sane person must accept that other human beings have defects. And, in any case, refusing your kind efforts of establishing a mature friendship is, in itself, a sign of the disorder.
3 - The best way to understand which are, psychologically, your weak points and how to improve them is not the criticisms which came from your ex but an impartial evaluation/assesment from a therapist.
From my personal experience I saw that some remarks made from my ex were indeed true, but the majority of the remarks were simply crazy/unfounded, since they stemmed from her altered perception of reality.
So, my advice is to understand what you have to change about YOU through introspection AND assesments from a T (who's an impartial and experienced person). Don't rely on what your ex said.
In conclusion: basing your self-esteem on the opinion of a disturbed person is... .well, crazy
Learn how to love yourself and let him go, there are for sure lots of sane men ready to love you in an emotionally sane and mature way!
My best wishes!
