How can I help my partner overcome the impact of their BPD parent?

[Puffing orca]

My significant other was brought up by a BPD parent and suffers from anxiety and low-selfesteem to such an extent that it is affecting jobs and our family life. SO is in therapy but finding it hard to engage fully. SO reverts to withdrawal, denial or fantasizing when feeling too challenged. If I challenge my SO, eg by bringing up the need to have a sustainable job, SO becomes depressed and it affects the kids as well as me. If I don't challenge, we live in a fake world where my SO and I are not equally contributing to our marriage.

I am trying to sumarize a lot in a few words. Does anyone understand? Is anyone else in the same situation? Do you have any advice?

[Kwamina]

Hi Puffing orca

Welcome to bpdfamily and thanks for introducing yourself.

Being raised by a BPD parent unfortunately often takes it's toll on people. It is positive that your SO is at least in therapy, how long has he been in therapy now? Are there any specific areas you feel he doesn't want to get into?

I can see how him becoming depressed would also affect you and your kids. How old are your kids and how does your SO generally treat them?

We describe several communication techniques on this site that could potentially also help you with your partner. I've selected a few resources for you:

Communication Skills - Validation

Ending the Cycle of Conflict

S.E.T.: Support, Empathy, Truth

I hope you'll find this helpful.