Discovering, Determining BPD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi,

I'm trying to figure this all out... .it is getting clearer... .it seems like I could read and read 4 ever... .I'm getting there... .

Thus far after 12 years or marriage and having what was the woman of my dreams and I the man of hers with a beautiful relationship... .Depression on her end started about 4 years ago.

It gradually consumed her. I tried Everything Humanly possible that anyone would do for the person they were sure was the one they would be with till the end of days on earth. Gardens, Clothing, Dinners, Chocolates, Wine, Equestrian Lessons, Thoughtful little things... .you name it I tried it. I actually ran out of things to do for her if that makes sense.

We were totally happy in every way. Soul Mates, Best Friends, Amazing Lovers, Always Hugging, Kissing... .Everything... .and a Beautiful Baby Boy who is now 11 and my Best Friend in the Universe.

Things just got progressively worse as time passed by. As I tried to help her it became like I was a slave and nothing was ever good enough.

She was Never like this until about 3 years prior... .about 1 year after I recognized her depression.

When I read of BPD it feels like the story of my life. Very Very Close... .

She was diagnosed with LUPUS, refused to believe it (about 4years back)... .would not take prescribed meds. Could not get her to go back to the doctor. Nor could her family. This combined with her Mother in another country being physically abused by her step father and her less than happy childhood seems to connect many of the dots.

I'm here to try and learn more. Confirm thoughts and theory.

I had to remove her from our home 11 months ago (hardest thing in my life, so I thought) and have protective custody of our Son who after about 2 weeks of her being gone... .he told me of her abuse to him and the threats of what she would do him, myself and our pets if he told anything about this.

We have been to counseling, lots of it (my son and I). He is doing better however there are triggers that bring flashbacks of his abuse from her. It was hard to believe in the beginning, how this once Angel could do this. She was an amazing mother, best friend and beautiful person in and out. I have no history of drugs, drinking or abuse... .I don't know when or how BPD developed or if it was just always there and not active until stresses brought it out?

There were none of the classic signs I have read of. She was 'Normal"... .and a gift from God.

As of now we are apart for about a year with No Contact. There are Supervised visits with our Son and her until a Psych Evaluation takes place. The sooner the better. I'm praying for zero visitation... .at most supervised. My Son and I cant wait to confirm our experience.

I Was missing her after I removed her from the home... .when Her behavior was just too much to handle... .Rage, Anger, Threats, Her stuff was off limits, I couldn't touch it, drive "Her" car, wash her clothes, anything I did was never enough... .I went from the classic best husband to in her eyes an abusing, controlling Ugly Man that she hated.

Then when I found out from my Son how he was being treated (abused) that took over and the pain of the loss I experienced of her being out of our life was placed on hold.

Its been all about our Son since. My hurt jumps in and grabs hold when I least expected... .I do my best to keep that isolated from everything else. Its hard. However I thank God our Son is safe. I am fighting a nasty divorce and full custody that I,m sure I will have.

Just hoping for some further insight... .thank you!

[Discovering]

Hi,

I'm trying to figure this all out... .it is getting clearer... .it seems like I could read and read 4 ever... .I'm getting there... .

Thus far after 12 years or marriage and having what was the woman of my dreams and I the man of hers with a beautiful relationship... .Depression on her end started about 4 years ago.

It gradually consumed her. I tried Everything Humanly possible that anyone would do for the person they were sure was the one they would be with till the end of days on earth. Gardens, Clothing, Dinners, Chocolates, Wine, Equestrian Lessons, Thoughtful little things... .you name it I tried it. I actually ran out of things to do for her if that makes sense.

We were totally happy in every way. Soul Mates, Best Friends, Amazing Lovers, Always Hugging, Kissing... .Everything... .and a Beautiful Baby Boy who is now 11 and my Best Friend in the Universe.

Things just got progressively worse as time passed by. As I tried to help her it became like I was a slave and nothing was ever good enough.

She was Never like this until about 3 years prior... .about 1 year after I recognized her depression.

When I read of BPD it feels like the story of my life. Very Very Close... .

She was diagnosed with LUPUS, refused to believe it (about 4years back)... .would not take prescribed meds. Could not get her to go back to the doctor. Nor could her family. This combined with her Mother in another country being physically abused by her step father and her less than happy childhood seems to connect many of the dots.

I'm here to try and learn more. Confirm thoughts and theory.

I had to remove her from our home 11 months ago (hardest thing in my life, so I thought) and have protective custody of our Son who after about 2 weeks of her being gone... .he told me of her abuse to him and the threats of what she would do him, myself and our pets if he told anything about this.

We have been to counseling, lots of it (my son and I). He is doing better however there are triggers that bring flashbacks of his abuse from her. It was hard to believe in the beginning, how this once Angel could do this. She was an amazing mother, best friend and beautiful person in and out. I have no history of drugs, drinking or abuse... .I don't know when or how BPD developed or if it was just always there and not active until stresses brought it out?

There were none of the classic signs I have read of. She was 'Normal"... .and a gift from God.

As of now we are apart for about a year with No Contact. There are Supervised visits with our Son and her until a Psych Evaluation takes place. The sooner the better. I'm praying for zero visitation... .at most supervised. My Son and I cant wait to confirm our experience.

I Was missing her after I removed her from the home... .when Her behavior was just too much to handle... .Rage, Anger, Threats, Her stuff was off limits, I couldn't touch it, drive "Her" car, wash her clothes, anything I did was never enough... .I went from the classic best husband to in her eyes an abusing, controlling Ugly Man that she hated.

Then when I found out from my Son how he was being treated (abused) that took over and the pain of the loss I experienced of her being out of our life was placed on hold.

Its been all about our Son since. My hurt jumps in and grabs hold when I least expected... .I do my best to keep that isolated from everything else. Its hard. However I thank God our Son is safe. I am fighting a nasty divorce and full custody that I,m sure I will have.

Just hoping for some further insight... .thank you!

[once removed]

hey discovering, and

it does sound like your experience has been quite exhausting for you as well as taxing for your son; good for you for putting him first. i think you will find many members here can relate to your story. you are in good company. also, counseling for you and your son will be invaluable.

"I don't know when or how BPD developed or if it was just always there and not active until stresses brought it out?"

for all that our stories have in common, every person with BPD is different, as is every relationship. others who have been in lengthy relationships like yours describe things as "normal" for years. you ask a good question. it is generally believed that the origins of BPD can be traced to the ages of two or three. there are genetic factors from birth that may make a person more susceptible of course. if you are asking if BPD suddenly developed during your marriage, that is unlikely. BPD is a personality disorder, meaning traits are ingrained in her personality, which formed some time ago. of course this is all on a spectrum. traits may differ, not be present until they are, lessen or increase over time, etc. i encourage you to keep reading, there is plenty to be learned here.

in the meantime, we also have a legal board here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0

as well as a coparenting board here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=9.0

you may find both useful. each board has all kinds of lessons and resources. the lessons on this board (leaving) are found within the links directly to the right.

welcome again, and please keep posting, discovery