What are the best, most insightful things your therapist told you?

[mrwigand]

I think this would be an instructive topic for all if those of us who have successfully sought therapy after our painful breakups could talk about their experience. If you got something positive out of your T experience, can you identity it specifically. What were the best, most reassuring things your T told you?

Something that helped me to hear from my T was that the "healthy person always hurts more". And I don't mean that to diminish the pain that pwBPD go through after the breakup as well. At the time I was very self conscious about the fact that I felt I was taking MUCH longer to deal with the pain of the breakup than my ex, although that was an uninformed assumption obviously.

Anyone care to share?

[parisian]

One of my 'big' values is kindness and my T said 'you can still be a kind person but with good boundaries' and 'be kind to yourself first'

'You can't fix someone else by being more loving or kind or caring or considerate. Peope have to want to fix themselves'

The biggest benefit was understanding that I had to work on my own issues of co-dependency and poor boundaries because that is what got me stuck in a BPD relationship in the first place!

[Mr Hollande]

During some counselling sessions a few years ago the most important thing I was told was that however well anyone else is doing it has no bearing on you and what you are doing. That was the eureka moment that has saved me from a lot of frustration since. It proved very valuable for my music but it could also be applied to the failure of my BPD relationship. It was easy to apply to the musical activities but it's been harder to incorporate in the moving on process after the relationship.

[Michelle27]

I started therapy this last time with the goal to let go of what I thought was resentment and anger at my then husband after years of lies, cheating and emotional abuse.  We were still together and I was hurting and wanted to drop the pain I was feeling and forgive and move forward OR realize that I needed to end things.  I went to my first appointment and my husband asked me why I was going and I told him I needed help making a decision on whether to stay or go.  That's when he confirmed one affair I had suspected him of... .a year long one with a so called friend of mine.  So the next few sessions were dealing with the pain of that.  Then we moved onto my anger and resentments which were something that felt so alien to me... .I'm normally a very positive person and holding those feelings was hard on me.  A lightbulb moment was when she suggested to me that it wasn't HIM I was angry at, it was ME.  Eureka! I was angry at myself for allowing myself and my daughters to be exposed to what I had allowed in my home.  That led to important work on boundaries and setting of some with my H.  That of course, led to him crossing one even knowing the consequences, which was separation.  During the 3 months of therapeutic separation that followed, I continued working with my therapist and did a lot of work on my feelings of hope that things would get better and realized that I'd been hearing the same promises for over 5 years without follow through and that actions speak louder than words.   My thoughts became clearer and making the decision to end the marriage lifted so much anxiety from me.  I worked with my therapist for a few more sessions and that was it.  She told me on my last session that she was proud of me for doing so much work and coming so far.  I thanked her for helping me, and she refused to accept it, saying I did the work, I deserve the praise. 

Don't get me wrong... .she wasn't a therapist who was "easy" on me... .I left many sessions feeling frustrated and angry at the things that came up, but I always went back.  I questioned her once about why my friend who attends the same office for counseling with another therapist got the "poor you"/validation treatment and I felt like I was pushed hard.  She looked at me, smiled and said, "you don't need validation, you need to be pushed."  She was right.  It was the right approach for me.