If you have a partner that is mentally ill then can a healthy relationship be reached at some point

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I've read the article on the facets of a healthy relationship.

It only made me feel worse.

But the real question is: How do you have a healthy relationship with someone who suffers from BPD?

It would seem that it is inherently unhealthy.

Foregoing my own obvious problems for the sake of posting, if you have a partner that is mentally ill then can a healthy relationship be reached at some point?

Recognizing being invalidated on a constant basis is a reality in my life. She doesn't have the emotional maturity to approach our life and child.

Cutting her loose seems like a more unhealthy and less compassionate view of my wife.

I'm not sure, at what point, more harm is being done by staying?

[Concerns]

I've read the article on the facets of a healthy relationship.

It only made me feel worse.

But the real question is: How do you have a healthy relationship with someone who suffers from BPD?

It would seem that it is inherently unhealthy.

Foregoing my own obvious problems for the sake of posting, if you have a partner that is mentally ill then can a healthy relationship be reached at some point?

Recognizing being invalidated on a constant basis is a reality in my life. She doesn't have the emotional maturity to approach our life and child.

Cutting her loose seems like a more unhealthy and less compassionate view of my wife.

I'm not sure, at what point, more harm is being done by staying?

[ct21218]

I got a divorce from my partner because I didn't feel we could have a healthy relationship while he was lying and acting out impulsively. We reunited several years later and have been back together for about a year.  He admitted his faults and has been actively working on his recovery.  We had issues with truth around finances so one of the arrangements we made was to have his checks deposited into my account so I could handle the bills.  There are occasional lies, but nothing like it used to be.  I never would have gotten back together with him if he hadn't addressed his issues.  At the same time, I have been working on my issues with control.  For me, it takes work on both sides to have a healthy relationship.

Other members have different experiences, but that is mine

[Ceruleanblue]

I agree that ideally, both people need to work on things, but with BPD, that is rarely the case. Lots of people with BPD are either in denial, or they have issues with taking responsibility, so often, it relies on the non to make better choices, work on the marriage solo, and have good boundaries.

I know it's possible, as lots here have done it, and manage to have much better marriages, or relationships. BPDh and I reconciled, and things are better, but we still have issues. The same ones we had before. I've been in therapy, working on myself, and how to stay in this marriage, yet he's stopped going to his DBT therapy, and for a while went off his medication.

I just don't feel he's as committed to making this work as I am. I see this is marriages where BPD isn't a factor though, too. I often think one partner is killing themselves "trying", and the other partner is resistant to compromise, is a "right fighter", or has other issues they just won't deal with. I think to make things healthy, both people have to be healthy enough to own their own actions, and work to try to make things better.