BPD adult daughter

[EliseW]

For the second time in five years my adult daughter has severed communication with me and I am not allowed access to my granddaughters. On one hand, the lack of drama has allowed me to live in peace. On the other hand I'm losing precious time with all of them. Also, on one hand I feel guilty for enjoying my life again. On the other hand, her untreated BPD (yes, she was professionally diagnosed years ago) has destroyed our family. Thankfully, I have a close loving relationship with my son, his wife and three children. My daughter has nothing to do with her sister-in-law or nephew and nieces. It's very sad. Any encouragement is appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mimi99]

EliseW--I'm so sorry that you are denied access to your granddaughters. It is so hard when there are innocent children that are affected by BPD.

I know exactly what you mean when you refer to the guilt you feel for enjoying life again. Once my daughter24 left I felt such grief, guilt, and relief all combined. She was diagnosed years ago also, and is at this time not pursuing any treatment except her own regimen of regular pot smoking and doctor-hopping for pain pills. We were awarded custody of our gd5, so I have to deal with my d for visiting, but it is very limited. When my older daughter got married recently, our BPDd was not even at the wedding. It makes me very sad to see the lack of a relationship among my children. No one understands but other people who have lived with a pwBPD. I find this website, the tools, and the support I get from the other members here to be invaluable. Keep posting.

[Eyeamme]

EliseW I am in the same boat (I have two grandsons). If we don't take care of ourselves what kind of example are we setting for the grandkids. I also think that letting me in and cutting me off at will would be more hurtful. We have to remember that we need to keep our own health.

[lostchild]

Hi,

I have an adult son, diagnosed years ago with BPD and understand totally how you feel.  He is on disability, can't keep even a part time job and self medicates with pot.  He is not on meds at this time.  I do not see my son very often at all anymore.  I have not seen his son, 10yrs. old in years.  My heart breaks for this child.  According to my son, he is not doing well. 

I do have an adult daughter with whom I have a wonderful relationship and two grandsons that I see on a regular basis.  I am grateful.  I do not see my son on holidays at all anymore or my grandson.  It is hard, but I cannot deal with the drama, and neither can my daughter or her sons.  They are estranged also. 

All I can say is, despite the loss of one child, I am grateful for what I do have.  I focus on the positive.  I spend time with my other two grandchildren and am happy that I am in their lives. 

I wish you well.  I know that it is a struggle, and is sad. I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I want you to know that you are not alone.  Take care,

[lbjnltx]

Was there a particular incident that brought this on?