My adult daughter has BPD newly diagnosed.

[djm]

 I don't use chat lines or communication places , so am new to all this. I feel like my heart is being ripped out. My adult daughter has blown up our family, and she has no remorse, is angry that we won't just sweep it under the carpet again, and is now refusing to allow us to see her children--6 and 8 yrs. Its been 3 months since I have seen one of them, and the other we were allowed to see for 35 minutes on a Tuesday lunch hour at school. I have gone to a psychologist, and my other daughter is a counselling psychologist, and I have seen the family Dr. They have directed my husband and I to hold our ground and not allow her again to " just forget" the incident and bring this to a head. This story sounds all too vague--I just wanted to talk to someone who has an adult child with BPD and wonder how they cope. I am also so worried about the kids. Thanks for reading. Any suggestions.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Eyeamme]

Djm,

I have an adult daughter with undiagnosed BPD. I found out a month ago. There are others here with you. This board has helped me more than I can tell you. Read the stuff on the right. Read a little at a time. It helps.

[AVR1962]

DMJ, I think the saddest part of this is when the grandchildren are used as weapons against us. That is a hard one to deal with! I knew when my oldest grand daughter was born 15 years ago that my BPD daughter would not allow me to be close to her. I have had brief moments when daughter wanted me in her life and wanted me to have a relationship with her children but for the most part her children are a pawn in her game and that has been sad to witness.

Do take your counselor's advise and hold your ground. She will be back, like you said, when she wants your support she will come back to you. Mine also cut me off over 3 months ago and she has made contact, wanting to waltz back in like nothing happened, of a course an excuse and wanting support. I want a relationship with my grand children but I do not like that she is telling them lies, manipulating their heads, about me. I have been fortunate enough to have family members keep me informed as to what she says and it is not good.

You can't forget the incident, these situations make huge marks on our lives. What we can do is detach... .that doesn't mean we don't love our children. I love my daughter despite what she has done but I also am not willing to throw myself back out there to be used and abused yet again.

You say you can't talk to her without her getting upset. What are you left with? She is going to come back so be thinking what you can do. Can you emotionally stay detached and uninvolved but yet listen to her?