My 5yr old Father, Wrong or Right?

[JayApril]

My father had another BPD episode. I went out with my dad and sister around the mall. After trying to acuse my sister of being disrespectful, and my mother for the reason he is a horrible father. He sat down on a bench mid conversation, and tantrumed saying " Well you guys just go walk around. We arent getting anywhere. I will meet you guys at the car. I am not going to walk with you guys walking all slow!" (yes he is going to stop walking, because we are walking slow. Makes no sense right?)

But... .

Often my father will take my little sister out with him to unload,or project his stress/anger onto her. By the time she comes home she is like a bomb, often exploding at my mother & I.  She never seems to realize that she comes home irritable after an outing with him until she goes off, and my mom ask her to pin point her source of anger. But, what 14yr old knows about projection? . So I guess I was tired of watching my sister get tricked into thinking my dad was going to take her shopping, or to spend quality time with her. I cant stand seeing my sister upset. I had to let my dad know that his behavior was inappropriate, and his communication with her is poor. Now I am teaching her about how to redirect his projections.

[HappyChappy]

Hi JayApril,

The short answer is he’s wrong. The long answer is I’m mightily impressed with how aware you are of all this, and that’s to your credit.  My sister still wants to believe our BPD just couldn’t help herself and that it was down to her not coping, or drugs or the government. My sister is much older than 14 so we agree to disagree on that. Even though I spent my childhood looking after her (cooking etc.) and shielding her from much of the crap.

So when she gets upset and says “why does she... .” I just tell her to read “surviving a borderline” but we were taught to not question stuff and "just get on with it". So sis is still doing as she’s told. You can lead a horse to water... .(but a pencil must be lead  ).

My BPD also likes walking very quickly. It was one of her tricks to keep us on our toes, to pass her tension on to us. Being the youngest  I would get exhausted keeping up (little legs), and she would then just abandon me.  But as you know what’s going on, that gives you an advantage, you can bring a map. 

[JayApril]

That sucks about your sister but, yes you can only lead your family to the right path for so long. She has to want to know how to defend herself. Thanks for the compliment, and you're doing a good job at allowing your siblings to discover things on her own verses waiting energy on unnecessary helping.

[Suzn]

my mom ask her to pin point her source of anger. But, what 14yr old knows about projection?

It sounds like your mom is offering some balance here? I imagine would be difficult for a 14 year old to "stand up to" a parent as they are the child and are used to that parent having the answers.

How did your discussion with your dad go when you informed him his behavior was inappropriate?

[JayApril]

my mom ask her to pin point her source of anger. But, what 14yr old knows about projection?

It sounds like your mom is offering some balance here? I imagine would be difficult for a 14 year old to "stand up to" a parent as they are the child and are used to that parent having the answers.

How did your discussion with your dad go when you informed him his behavior was inappropriate?

Oh that was the entire cause of him claiming that we were walking to slow, pouting and teleporting to the car because, I confronted him.

My mom did, thank God. She's a psychologist so offering helpful comfort is her strong suit.