Introduction

[felineCreative]

Hello. I'm a 17 year old girl with a BPD mother.

In my childhood, my mother and father were together. I loved them both a lot, but they fought constantly, and I always felt as if I had to take a side, otherwise I would be yelled at. When my parents got a divorce due to my dad abusing drugs, getting into child pornography, and overall destroying our family, my mother's mental and physical health spiraled downwards.

Though, she's seemed to always have issues with both.

She's had many abandon her and she's struggled with health issues and self esteem issues for many years. She's also been through some sexual trauma in her early twenties. A week after she had me, she had a stroke. After that, she her appendix burst and she got a hernia. Her life has not been a kind one.

And so, after their divorce, she fell apart. Her hernia has limited exercise and she's lost the body she once had. She's gone from doctor to doctor, but none have been much help and the health issues have been stacking over the years. She's in constant search of validation, and I've watched her grow into a pathetic, angry, depressed woman overtime. She struggles with employment and is actively trying to get disability and it's draining for her to come home and make dinner. Our house is a mess and she never ever cleans. I don't either, so that's partially my fault. But coming home to her or her coming home to me drains all of my energy.

Recently, sometime around this year (2015) I started seeing a therapist. My therapist helped me through my constant battles with my mother. I always knew something wasn't right, and I'd been actively looking for the answer. My boyfriend (my mother still does not know about him), told me she could be "gaslighting" me, which is a tortuous form of abuse common with people who have NPD. So I assumed my mother had NPD. But something never felt right about her having NPD. My mom didn't seem malicious or totally heartless and cold.

I discussed my findings with my therapist, who told me that she instead had BPD. And it felt like everything suddenly made sense, especially upon reading. Her bouts of anger when I wouldn't take her advice. Her strong, spiteful jealousy towards my therapist, my schoolmates, and my friends. Everything always being turned around on me. I feel as though every time I leave my room, I'm tiptoeing over a minefield. I'm scared to open up to her. She's an active LDS member, and she's been pushing it on me since I was young. But around fifteen, I realized it wasn't me. I'm also bisexual, something she is very against. I feel as though I cannot tell her anything about myself, and I'm constantly trying to find ways to escape. Through my laptop, my friends, video games, and my art. There's so much more to it. It's such a complicated relationship, and every conversation I try to have with her is like a tangled mess of telephone cords. I can't make sense of anything. Nothing I do is right anymore and I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm so trapped. My friends and therapist have been a great help, but I can't always talk to them. That's why I came here.

I'm sorry if this is a messy post. I'm still trying to make sense of all of my problems with her. It's so complex and chaotic and I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel lost.

[Kwamina]

Hi felineCreative

It is very difficult for a child when your parents are always fighting each other. You've been through a lot and I am very sorry you've had to deal with all of this.

Both your parents have struggled with certain issues. You believe your mother has BPD and her health issues only complicate matters further.

Coming home each day to an environment filled with BPD chaos and instability is very challenging. I can relate to the feelings you express. Dealing with a BPD mother can be very confusing and indeed leave you feeling lost and like you might be going 'crazy'.

No matter what your mother says or does, her behavior isn't a reflection of who you really are at all. It is only a reflection of her own inner turmoil and negativity which she is projecting onto you. Keeping this in mind will hopefully make it somewhat easier for you not to take your mother's behavior that personally anymore. Easier said than done of course, I realize that, particularly since you are living with her. Having a support network can really help when dealing with a BPD parent so I am very glad you have the support of a therapist and also your boyfriend and other friends.

I think it's very positive that you are reaching out for support and advice here You are 17 years old now, unfortunately our site requires the members to be at least 18 years old. Until then I encourage you to take a look at another site specifically for teens that can help you: www.teenhelp.org. It is a website dedicated to helping teens who find themselves struggling. I've also selected this other resource that could be helpful for you:

Your Life Your Voice

www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/AskIt/Pages/default.aspx

1-800-448-3000

Please know that we will be here for you when you turn 18.

Take care

Kwamina

[Kwamina]

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