Seeing her for first time in 2 months

[Joem678]

 I went no contact two months ago.  She wanted me to chase her.  She wanted me to repeat a pattern that went on for two decades.  I have four kids with her.  I'm forcing myself to be in the same theater for my daughters Christmas recital.  I'm feeling anxious and scared.  Very emotional.  She left In July.  I went LC then NC. She made efforts up until 3 weeks ago.  I don't know what to expect from her and honestly myself.  

[Mutt]

Hi Joem678,

I would feel the same way. The recital is at school with parents present. She likely knows some of the other parents. Are you worried that she's going to act out or confront you? Are you going alone or with a friend or family member for support?

[Joem678]

I don't know if she will act out.  I just want her to respect my boundary of NC.  I have my kids this week, my oldest are 18 and 16.  I asked them to go sit with her and keep her at bay.  They know what's going on. I don't want her to approach me.

[Mutt]

You haven't talked to her in three weeks and you've asked the kids to sit with her. I think that there's a good chance that she'll get message that you don't want to talk to her. You feel anxious and scared. Do you feel anger?

[Joem678]

Yes, I do feel angry.  But, I know I will never express that emotion to her.  I know that it's what has helped me stay away.  And I haven't spoken to her in two months. She kept trying up until 3 weeks ago. 

[C.Stein]

Yes, I do feel angry.  But, I know I will never express that emotion to her. 

This is good.  You should never allow yourself to speak from anger, especially unprovoked.  I know this is difficult, especially when you get buttons pushed.  It is something I struggle with myself, anger from button pushing. 

Being angry with her now will just give her power over you and it will make you feel bad.  Maintain course and direction Joe.   

[troisette]

I second C.Stein Joem. Good luck. 

[kc sunshine]

We're with you Joem.

[Joem678]

Thank you guys.  I appreciate the feedback. She has also started to paint me black with the teachers and parents.  It's a private school. 

[Mutt]

Thank you guys.  I appreciate the feedback. She has also started to paint me black with the teachers and parents.  It's a private school.  

Do you meet with the teachers?

[Joem678]

When I can I do.  I am thinking of having a meeting with them and the principal.

[Mutt]

When I can I do.  I am thinking of having a meeting with them and the principal.

What do you have in mind when you meet teachers and the principal?

[Joem678]

When I go through these periods with her, I've always been painted black. I've never cared before.  But this time around, I feel like I have to defend myself at my kids school.  The anger comes because we are 37 years old and yet again I am having to deal with this.

[burritoman]

When I go through these periods with her, I've always been painted black. I've never cared before.  But this time around, I feel like I have to defend myself at my kids school.  The anger comes because we are 37 years old and yet again I am having to deal with this.

Good luck, man! If indeed you have been painted black, but these are people you already know, their perception of you may not have changed that drastically. It's possible that they might be only conflicted or their opinion hasn't changed at all.

Having a plan in place is the best thing you can do. It may go over far better than you expect.

[Mutt]

When I go through these periods with her, I've always been painted black. I've never cared before.  But this time around, I feel like I have to defend myself at my kids school.  The anger comes because we are 37 years old and yet again I am having to deal with this.

I suggest don't defend yourself. Go to the school functions and meetings and let the teachers and principle get their impression of you first hand and not here say from your ex. If your ex says something that's out of character for you the teachers will know. Establish a relationship with the teachers.

[Joem678]

Mutt,

That has always happened.  People always find out the truth.

[Joem678]

Well, I went but didn't see her.  I know she saw me. My boys told me she was surrounded by all the parents.  I feel bad because it appears she is painting them black too.  I say this Just by what hey have told me and by how she acted tonight with them.  Well tonight was a good night for me. I was ok.  She was not. 

I am still a little anxious only because we are still very thick in this!

[Mutt]

Well, I went but didn't see her.  I know she saw me. My boys told me she was surrounded by all the parents.  I feel bad because it appears she is painting them black too.  I say this Just by what hey have told me and by how she acted tonight with them.  Well tonight was a good night for me. I was ok.  She was not. 

I am still a little anxious only because we are still very thick in this!

You got through it. What are the parents saying?

[Joem678]

I don't know yet.  We will see.